Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
[quote=aperture priority;35510398]Well, I didn't tell them exactly. I'm on Facebook and so is my boyfriend. There's a few pictures of us together. My brother is also on Facebook - he saw and the rest is history. The internet, eh? But in saying that, I also think that part of me wanted it all out in the open. By having those pictures on Facebook, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone from back home saw.
Oh yeah social medium where every one is up in every one's business. Double edged sword isn't it. I admire the fact that you respected the relationship enough not to keep it in the closet, but you are also entitled to a private life. This is probably a topic for another thread. Your brother's narrow attitude is deeply ingrained and until he has an experience with a person of color he may just remain the same. If you and your SO become life partners that could be another difficult situation as well. Can you unfriend him for now? I hope your mother does come around. She may be the glue that holds it all together. Good luck to you love. I think the journey will be a bumpy one for awhile. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and color. It's sad when people can't accept that one size does not fit all.
Perhaps.....you are the person in the family who is going to be the impetus for your family's awakening....that NO race is superior to another, just because they have a different skin color. That is plain and simple insecurity on their part! My gawd, I can't even BEGIN to wrap my head around that logic and I KNOW, with every fiber of my being, in spirit AND through experience that it is an absolute, disgusting, blatant LIE!
i have worked alongside people from darn near every country and culture in the world. We are ALL the SAME!!!!! There are good people and lazy people and funny people and loving people and ...aside from that skin color...we are virtually the same! Obviously, we are each unique, but you can find people who think JUST LIKE YOU, from every culture. OMG....i have sisters and brothers....soul mates, precious friends whom I can't imagine not having in my life...and aside from the "basic body parts", we look NOTHING alike....but inside, we ARE alike.
A lot of the times I do like to be idealistic but regarding my family doing a 180-turn about their views . . . I have my doubts. My mother is the most likely to turn, or at least understand, but even that is hard to see. My father . . . I just can't see it. He's a pretty hardcore racist. And I'm not just talking about his thoughts on racial superiority - he actively hates people of a different skin colour, particularly blacks. If he's addressing non-white people in private or among like-minded friends, racially denigrating terms will constantly slip off his tongue. I'm sure if it wasn't for my mother, I'd be homeless. I know that the person I've become repulses him. He told me so.
And I completely agree with you sentiment regarding people.
Well, I didn't tell them exactly. I'm on Facebook and so is my boyfriend. There's a few pictures of us together. My brother is also on Facebook - he saw and the rest is history. The internet, eh? But in saying that, I also think that part of me wanted it all out in the open. By having those pictures on Facebook, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone from back home saw.
Oh yeah social medium where every one is up in every one's business. Double edged sword isn't it. I admire the fact that you respected the relationship enough not to keep it in the closet, but you are also entitled to a private life. This is probably a topic for another thread. Your brother's narrow attitude is deeply ingrained and until he has an experience with a person of color he may just remain the same. If you and your SO become life partners that could be another difficult situation as well. Can you unfriend him for now? I hope your mother does come around. She may be the glue that holds it all together. Good luck to you love. I think the journey will be a bumpy one for awhile. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and color. It's sad when people can't accept that one size does not fit all.
Well, my brother will be going to university next year. I don't know if he will go abroad or not. I hope it is the latter. I'm not saying that there are no non-racists here - there certainly are. However, I think being exposed to a different country/culture will help. The old mentalities regarding race here are still prominent.
Find some volunteer work or courses to take you out of your home until you can get back to England. Hospital, library, day care, school, anything will do. And plan on working next summer or at least an internship or summer school or something so you don't have to go through this again. Good luck.
You know I'm going to do just that. I feel like I'm going to go crazy if I don't do something productive and fufilling during these coming months.
I think you lost your family and I understand their concern. Statistically speaking the black man white woman unions are the least stable of all interracial relationships and your family does not want you to be a single mother which happens a lot of the time with white woman who go out with black men. It is your life and you must endure the consequences.
First off, let me start by saying if I had dated an Asian man, or a Latino man, my parents would have disapproved in the same way they have. Anyone non-white, particularly when it comes to relationships, is off limits. If you think my family's sole concern with it all is because "they do not want me to be a single mother," I'm afraid you're wrong.
The stats about failed relationship between black men and white women may be true in your country, but it has no bearing on my relationship. I don't plan on having children anytime soon and I'm very careful to make sure "accidents" don't happen, but in any case, that is not the point. I don't think of my partner as a mathematical number compiled by someone. He's a person. A person I know . . . A person who has opened up my mind to so many possibilities in life. A person I love. I'm not saying we'll be together forever. A lot of things can change between now and the future. But I'm more than happy with the way things are between us, stats or not.
Let me reiterate . . . their ire towards me isn't just because I'm dating someone non-white. Does that exacerbate the situation? Sure, it does. Definitely the highlight of their displeasure. However, their discontent is also due to the fact that I don't believe white people are superior to every one else, I believe anyone can date whomever they want (interracial relationships/gay relationships) I believe people can have whomever God they choose to worship or they have the right to not believe in any God at all, I don't believe in segregation, nationalism and many other things I was taught when I was a child.
Last edited by aperture priority; 07-05-2014 at 04:35 PM..
Like I said it is your life so do what you want. Another thing to consider is most woman who date blacks are seen as damaged goods. Good luck finding a non-black man after this guy dumps you lol.
Yes well, judging by that comment, you sound like someone I would have probably gotten along with when I was a teenager. I'll take the label of "damaged goods" any day than be the person I used to be.
My parents are very much Christian, in fact they were missionaries in India for 20 years. I am atheist and it's not an issue with them, and I give them a lot of credit.
If I were in your position I would say goodbye to the past relationship and if they are willing to accept a different relationship with you, that would be excellent.
A Nepali friend once said, and I love it: "A parent's role is not to mold or define the child, but to help guide them on THEIR journey".
I think you lost your family and I understand their concern. Statistically speaking the black man white woman unions are the least stable of all interracial relationships and your family does not want you to be a single mother which happens a lot of the time with white woman who go out with black men. It is your life and you must endure the consequences.
Really? Can you back this statement up with fact?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaSun1
Like I said it is your life so do what you want. Another thing to consider is most woman who date blacks are seen as damaged goods. Good luck finding a non-black man after this guy dumps you lol.
I think you lost your family and I understand their concern. Statistically speaking the black man white woman unions are the least stable of all interracial relationships and your family does not want you to be a single mother which happens a lot of the time with white woman who go out with black men. It is your life and you must endure the consequences.
would you care to back up your words with some quoted statistics? as a southerner i can say that the ONLY thing i have seen come out of the upsurge in interracial relationships in the south is lots of pretty babies, and a marked decrease in racism. once people have a grandkid with another color in her/him, they tend to change their opinions for the better. i have seen this happen time and again in friend's families. its a global world. we are all people. cowtoying to the old ways of doing things just drags us backward. that used to be the old argument in the south- "i dont' agree with interracial relationships because of what it does to the CHILDREN". its the WORLD that does that, not the relationship, not the race. and anyway, does anyone in america really care that much about this stuff now? racism is as archaic as a wagon wheel. sure, some people still use carriages.....but does it make sense?
I had a talk with my mother this morning - one I didn't expect. She told me she didn't want there to be tension between us over everything. She also said that even though she still doesn't approve of my partner, she understands how I feel and that if I'm happy and if he's a good person, she supports me. She asked a few questions about him (what does he study, what he is like, etc.). And we also talked about what made me change into the liberal person I have become - it was quite a lengthy conversation. I've got to say I wasn't expecting this at all! I really wasn't. She hasn't changed her perception on life, but she has made a "compromise" I guess. But she said I shouldn't expect my brother and father to share her view. Especially my father. That wasn't so surprising. But anyway . . . it made my day. My month, actually. I know she would still rather me not be in the relationship, but to have her backing, even if it is covert, means a lot to me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But in saying that, I also think that part of me wanted it all out in the open. By having those pictures on Facebook, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone from back home saw. 
