What is my her parents' problem with me (girlfriend, father, children)
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Me: 23 year old guy; Italian( a rarity in Brooklyn, Bensonhurst to be exact ) no college education because there's no money in the family, I'm not mad about it, my parents do what they can and they are a blessing unto themselves.
Her: 21 year old girl, my girlfriend of 13 months, currently getting a college education at St. Johns, native of the Upper East side.
Look, I met this girl in a Taco Bell, thought she was pretty, and took my chance to chat her up. Here we are, opposites attracted. She's about as preppy as they come( work in progress), but she's completely embraced some of the philosophies of what I've taught her. My family loves her and she's frequently having dinner with us.
Her parents, while they won't openly say it, don't like me, I can tell, they're really bad at hiding it, sure they'll smile and say " hi", but that's it, never ask how I'm doing, what I've been up to, how my family is, nothing and when I do talk, they couldn't care less. I don't want to be confrontational with her parents and just ask " What's your beef with me" because that might hurt the relationship Victoria and I have. I've asked her to ask, subliminally, she gets told " we have no problem with him". Hope this isn't some cliched 80s " oh our sweet little girl is dating the bad boy from the other side of the tracks." Because A) I'm not a bad guy and B) I have no intention of hurting her. I don't want them to love me, but I want some decency from them. Do they look down on me because of wealth?
Me: 23 year old guy; Italian( a rarity in Brooklyn, Bensonhurst to be exact ) no college education because there's no money in the family, I'm not mad about it, my parents do what they can and they are a blessing unto themselves.
Her: 21 year old girl, my girlfriend of 13 months, currently getting a college education at St. Johns, native of the Upper East side.
Look, I met this girl in a Taco Bell, thought she was pretty, and took my chance to chat her up. Here we are, opposites attracted. She's about as preppy as they come( work in progress), but she's completely embraced some of the philosophies of what I've taught her. My family loves her and she's frequently having dinner with us.
Her parents, while they won't openly say it, don't like me, I can tell, they're really bad at hiding it, sure they'll smile and say " hi", but that's it, never ask how I'm doing, what I've been up to, how my family is, nothing and when I do talk, they couldn't care less. I don't want to be confrontational with her parents and just ask " What's your beef with me" because that might hurt the relationship Victoria and I have. I've asked her to ask, subliminally, she gets told " we have no problem with him". Hope this isn't some cliched 80s " oh our sweet little girl is dating the bad boy from the other side of the tracks." Because A) I'm not a bad guy and B) I have no intention of hurting her. I don't want them to love me, but I want some decency from them. Do they look down on me because of wealth?
Probably not wealth but are concerned about your lack of education and career prospects. They naturally want to see their daughter with someone who is "equally yoked." Makes relationships much easier and avoids many potential problems couples face.
What are your prospects for becoming independent and self-supporting?
My parents were the same about my (now) ex. But they changed their tune when he went back to university and started his professional career at age 25. We were married for 20 years and they were very supportive of him once they saw he had some ambition and drive.
no real prospects right now, too busy with other stuff. My lack of education isn't really my fault, my grades were good, not scholarship level, but good, we just had no money to spend.
Can you see that it doesn't matter whose "fault" it is? They are thinking about the future, as you should be.
no real prospects right now, too busy with other stuff. My lack of education isn't really my fault, my grades were good, not scholarship level, but good, we just had no money to spend.
What stuff are you busy with - that takes priority over your future?
Not everyone has parents with money to put them through school - but they manage it on their own.
What her parents are seeing is someone not thinking about tomorrow.
Not everyone is cut out for college - but the world needs plumbers, electricians, etc. Trade people get paid pretty well, also. You are 5 years out of high school - what is the future holding for you? That's what her parents are thinking about. You are busy with "stuff" and you are a half decade out of high school. Next thing you know, you will be 30 and still busy with "stuff". Then 50.
" No real prospects-too busy with other stuff " ??? What does that mean ? What is stuff ? Are you unemployed, living in your parents' basement ? How do you support yourself ?
I think this is your problem. I suspect her parents would like you to be of similar educational attainment as their daughter. If that wasn't to be,then perhaps they might be just as content if you were an electrician who could someday own his own business. Or something similar-you get the idea. In other words someone they could see as capable of supporting their daughter and any children that came along if the relationship progressed that far.
If you're 23 and aimless then don't be surprised if they are less than thrilled with you. Let's say you graduated from high school at 18-what have you been doing for the past 5 years ?
Do right by her?--How?? Good intentions don't buy houses or pay the rent. That's a meaningless statement. At what point will you get a job by which you can support yourself ? Not a dead end job,but one with a future.
Last edited by willow wind; 07-06-2014 at 11:47 PM..
stuff like, the job I currently have, dealing with situations within my family, that stuff. Agree with you on the idea of a trade school. Her parents should be thinking " Here's a guy who loves my daughter; he'll do right by her.
HOW are you going to do right by her? Wishing it to be so isn't doing anything. Good intentions just go so far. Look at the parents as a wake up call for you. You may not wind up with this girl - but maybe this is a kick-in-the-pants to stop drifting along.
" Do right" meaning, not going to cheat, let anything bad happen to her, continue to treat her with upmost respect. If they're so concerned about my job prospects, why doesn't her dad hire me to do something, if I was a father and my daughter's BF needed a steadier job, I'd hire him, for the sake of her.
Well that one convinced me. The Dad should hire you. Why ??? You do not appear to be qualified for anything.First time poster. I do not think this is a serious post.
Well that one convinced me. The Dad should hire you. Why ??? You do not appear to be qualified for anything.First time poster. I do not think this is a serious post.
stuff like, the job I currently have, dealing with situations within my family, that stuff. Agree with you on the idea of a trade school. Her parents should be thinking " Here's a guy who loves my daughter; he'll do right by her.
It's likely the money / career thing. You being a good hard working man often takes a back seat, especially a career that apparently they don't approve of.
It sounds to me that you have a good profession that will likely keep you employed for life. Any desire to open your own shop one day?
One other thing - I wouldn't be anywhere where I am not wanted. I do sense hostility in this situation. I suggest you think about that.
" Do right" meaning, not going to cheat, let anything bad happen to her, continue to treat her with upmost respect. If they're so concerned about my job prospects, why doesn't her dad hire me to do something, if I was a father and my daughter's BF needed a steadier job, I'd hire him, for the sake of her.
Bad idea, especially since there is an excellent chance this is not going to work out.
I may have a different opinion if you all were married.
Adding a side note - if you want to go to college, even if it's taking classes on the side, you can make that happen. Many students do not rely on their parents to get them through school. You are not owed that anyway...
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) no college education because there's no money in the family, I'm not mad about it, my parents do what they can and they are a blessing unto themselves.
I do not think this is a serious post.