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So my mother is bat-poop crazy. Diagnosed a while ago as bipolar. She’s also got some other medical problems and is on a lot of medications.
My dad recently lost his job and benefits, so mom converted everything to medicare. I guess there were some problems with getting the medications transferred and switched to stuff medicare will cover and/or to be more affordable. She ended up in a treatment hospital for a week while they tried to stabilize everything.
That’s the general background.
Over the years mom has been seeing psychiatrists and psychologists and any other psych-peoples to try to work through some of her issues. At times she has been particularly forceful and mean and a little vindictive; at others, her self-esteem and confidence are non-existant. She’s fought with both me and my brother at various times and sometimes we just don’t know what to do or how to handle her outbursts.
She’s fighting with my brother right now…and she kinda plays passive-aggressive games. Today I guess she sent him an email that was rather blunt and called him out on his manhood. Of course, he’s hurt and offended and angry and all those other emotions. She badmouths him to me, his wife, and God only knows who else.
What I can’t figure out is what does she want when she does this? Does she want him to fight with her? Does she want him to come running back? Is she just venting?
Yeah, I know I could ask her, but…she’s bat-poop crazy, you know?
What can I do to help her AND my brother? Is there anything?
The best thing to do in cases like this is to leave it go.
Tough to do I know but it is just best not to try and figure
out anything.
Don't respond and if you are physically with her either change the subject
or walk away.
I have a friend with bipolar, and I keep her at arm's length. Love her to death, but when she goes cuckoo, she goes full cuckoo, ya know?
You and your brother might benefit from doing the same. Know when to walk away. When she gets crazy and provocative and starts slinging insults, just say you can't talk and walk away. There's no point giving her words any weight because when she's mid-episode, she's going to say anything she can to get a rise out of you. And don't let her talk smack about other people to you - just tell her she's being inappropriate and you have to hang up the phone.
Don't let a crazy person take up space in your head. It might be time for you and your brother to see a therapist for the short-term so that you can learn some coping strategies. And maybe you want to come up with a list of protocols for dealing with her so that you can present a united front, as if you were parents with a disruptive child.
If your mother is mentally ill then when she is acting out she can't control it. She needs to be medicated. You didn't say how old you were, but if you are not a minor you should seek power of attorney for her. And/or you should talk to a social worker and get some help in getting her committed to get leveled out on meds. When she is thinking straight you and the social worker can talk about her living in a group home where she is cared for. This is not going to get better. This is going to get worse and she needs help.
If she has medicine, sometimes bipolar people don't take it when they should. This is why she needs to stay on schedule with the medicine.
I have a friend with bipolar, and I keep her at arm's length. Love her to death, but when she goes cuckoo, she goes full cuckoo, ya know?
You and your brother might benefit from doing the same. Know when to walk away. When she gets crazy and provocative and starts slinging insults, just say you can't talk and walk away. There's no point giving her words any weight because when she's mid-episode, she's going to say anything she can to get a rise out of you. And don't let her talk smack about other people to you - just tell her she's being inappropriate and you have to hang up the phone.
Don't let a crazy person take up space in your head. It might be time for you and your brother to see a therapist for the short-term so that you can learn some coping strategies. And maybe you want to come up with a list of protocols for dealing with her so that you can present a united front, as if you were parents with a disruptive child.
That ^^^ is great advice. Please especially take the part seriously where JrzD says, "Don't let a crazy person take up space in your head." I, too, have a dear friend with bipolar disorder and my mother had a boss who eventually lost his very high-level job over his antics. The only proactive thing is to DISENGAGE. Don't enable, don't participate, don't even lend a sympathetic ear to anything short of following medical advice to a T.
So my mother is bat-poop crazy. Diagnosed a while ago as bipolar. She’s also got some other medical problems and is on a lot of medications.
My dad recently lost his job and benefits, so mom converted everything to medicare. I guess there were some problems with getting the medications transferred and switched to stuff medicare will cover and/or to be more affordable. She ended up in a treatment hospital for a week while they tried to stabilize everything.
That’s the general background.
Over the years mom has been seeing psychiatrists and psychologists and any other psych-peoples to try to work through some of her issues. At times she has been particularly forceful and mean and a little vindictive; at others, her self-esteem and confidence are non-existant. She’s fought with both me and my brother at various times and sometimes we just don’t know what to do or how to handle her outbursts.
She’s fighting with my brother right now…and she kinda plays passive-aggressive games. Today I guess she sent him an email that was rather blunt and called him out on his manhood. Of course, he’s hurt and offended and angry and all those other emotions. She badmouths him to me, his wife, and God only knows who else.
What I can’t figure out is what does she want when she does this? Does she want him to fight with her? Does she want him to come running back? Is she just venting?
Yeah, I know I could ask her, but…she’s bat-poop crazy, you know?
What can I do to help her AND my brother? Is there anything?
This is really very sad. I'm sure you probably feel like life is a never ending episode of the Young and the Restless.
I have a similar issue as you but once I had my own kids, my priorities shifted and I realised that I couldn't allow myself to be taken on the emotional rollercoaster anymore so I decided that I had to either:
a) Remove myself physically, move away and become unavailable or
b) Remove myself mentally, put up walls but still interact and do all the family stuff but ultimately, calmly leave the scene when the inevitable drama starts.
I chose to do b) and this family member soon realised that I wasn't going to engage in the games anymore. I guess I channelled my inner Nurse Ratched.
I would suggest that emails, letters and texts all be deleted before reading if you think that they are going to be inflammatory or hurtful.
My mom is out there herself, she is a hoarder, lives in an apartment that is so over filled with useless junk that you can't walk down the hall, she wastes money hand over fist and has caused herself numerous problems, mainly financial. To make matters worse she passes her judgement on everyone else as though she knows so much more than everyone else, my brother and I have tried for years to get her to rein in her spending and get her life in order but it does no good, if she is told anything she does not want to hear she will call us stupid.
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