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It all depends on the worldview either gender has for kids. My roommate talks about how kids are a waste of time and a drain personal freedom. I have a soft spot towards children, and like seeing them grow up over the years. Naughtiness is a different animal however .
this is just a generic (blind) poll seeking wisdom from guys who have been there and have experienced fatherhood (in what ever form, from absentee to equally shared parenting to stay-at-home dad, etc.).
with some of the social, economic and relationship challenges we have today, i'm curious about the results of this basic question: dads/fathers, given what you know now, would you recommend, support or otherwise encourage younger men to consider have children at some point in their life?
there is obviously lots of information out there on single parenting (in and out of wedlock), the advantages to children raised by two parent, post-divorce custody/visitation arrangements to raise and support children, and interestingly some ppl who advocate or have decided not to have children, whether through choice, lack of opportunity, or personal beliefs (e.g., "it's a harsh world to grow up in"). so i though some contemporary feedback would be interesting.
and, finally, this is not a question of "do you wish you never had children", it's sharing your experienced wisdom with other men thinking about or desiring to have children at some point in their life. no judging please, and no opinion is greater than another so long as conception and childbirth occurred.
and ladies, respectfully, please don't vote since i think the poll results could prove interesting to everyone for discussion purposes.
My oldest son has two kids. He is post divorce and has gone thru the wringer with the ex-wife/custody/etc. All the atrocities that so many of the young guys on CD fear. Yet thru it all he would not have changed being a father. His kids are the world to him.
I would guess he would vote yes, it depends.
My other son new early on he did not want to have children because the world is "crap". He does love kids and is very good with them even if he doesn't want any of his own. He is dating a woman who has a two yr. old and one would think that he was her father. I would guess his vote would be "no comment".
My oldest son has two kids. He is post divorce and has gone thru the wringer with the ex-wife/custody/etc. All the atrocities that so many of the young guys on CD fear. Yet thru it all he would not have changed being a father. His kids are the world to him.
I would guess he would vote yes, it depends.
My other son new early on he did not want to have children because the world is "crap". He does love kids and is very good with them even if he doesn't want any of his own. He is dating a woman who has a two yr. old and one would think that he was her father. I would guess his vote would be "no comment".
I wouldn't recommend anything to anyone, especially having children, since I have no idea how well they will do the job. I do okay at the job, maybe very well, considering the situation my wife and I are in. I will say that if you don't have any family or friends to ever help you out, it will be difficult at times. It's also likely that if you don't have any family and friends to help you out, you'll be having to survive on one income.
I couldn't recommend it to anyone without knowing them, their situations, and their attitudes, so I guess my answer would be "maybe, it depends". Some people are more suited to it than others, and some people should just never have kids (i.e. those with drug addictions, certain behavioral problems, etc.). For the longest time, I never thought I would be a father. Then I met the right woman and matured (a lot). It took until I was 36 to feel right about it and it just sort of happened. Now I feel lucky to have a beautiful daughter and I look forward to helping raise her to be a smart, respectable, creative, and hard working adult woman. I couldn't imagine her not being in my life now.
Well, I'll say that a child can bring a joy to a mans life that few other things can. I had my nephews up here this summer and I always take them out in my boat fishing while they are here. I got the boys on a hot spot of fish that they were pulling them in nearly every cast. The oldest one caught a 16" largemouth bass that would make any seasoned fisherman grin ear to ear. Minutes later he caught two more nice ones. I wish I had a camera..... He'll live with that memory for the rest of his life. His younger brother caught some big lake perch too. It's just one of the things "I" do with/for them that no one else does. My Sister has to practically beg them to come back home. It's all they talk about, coming up and spending time with their Uncle. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I wish my mostly absent father felt that way. But as they say, "Happiness is the best revenge." I have lived my life by that adage.
Im a lady so I didn't vote (although I can promise you my husband did want kids, as much or more then me). But that question "should we have children in this day and age?" has been around forever when people have a negative outlook on society. It isn't new. I think you really just have to follow your gut on it because it is one of the most personal decisions a person can make.
Well, I'll say that a child can bring a joy to a mans life that few other things can. I had my nephews up here this summer and I always take them out in my boat fishing while they are here. I got the boys on a hot spot of fish that they were pulling them in nearly every cast. The oldest one caught a 16" largemouth bass that would make any seasoned fisherman grin ear to ear. Minutes later he caught two more nice ones. I wish I had a camera..... He'll live with that memory for the rest of his life. His younger brother caught some big lake perch too. It's just one of the things "I" do with/for them that no one else does. My Sister has to practically beg them to come back home. It's all they talk about, coming up and spending time with their Uncle. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
I was touched by your post and have to say that what you are doing for your nephews is equally as important as parenting. You are supplementing their upbringing like a 3rd parent essentially. You are giving them what they parents can't, that's beautiful!
When I was a child I also had a wonderful relationship like this with my aunt and uncle. They were like my 2nd parents only cooler - like you. I will always be grateful for the time and fun experiences they gave me. I believe your nephews will feel the same way too. Actually, it sounds like they already do. You are doing a beautiful thing for them, and it sounds like you are being more than rewarded
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