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OK, so I was seeing a guy on and off, for 6 years. We never had a super close or "dating" type of relationship. We worked together for 3 of those years. I told him a few different times over the last 3 years that I did not want to continue to see him, because it would never turn into a "real" relationship.
So then on my birthday last year, (September), he basically was under the influence and wanted to come over, and I said no, no, no. But he came over anyway and I went outside "to be nice" and talk to him. Long story short, I got in his car and he took off even though I kept saying stop, I don't want to go anywhere. He took me about 15 miles and when we stopped at a stoplight off the freeway, I jumped out.
I ran to a gas station and he followed me and said I'm sorry, I'll take you back. But I said heck no, go away.
Now call me a passive non-confrontational smooth over everything type of person, but I'm not mad at him. I am glad that things are ended with us, because it wasn't a healthy relationship at all, so I'm almost glad that happened, if that's what it took to end things. He has not contacted me since. Not a peep. When usually, one of us would end up contacting each other after a fight of that sort.
Here's the situation though:
We're both going to be attending a funeral service of our former co-worker and may be sitting together/hanging together in the same small social circle so it may be hard to completely avoid him, and honestly, I want to just pretend like it didn't happen, and just greet him cordially and not have an attitude or a fear or anything like that.
So my thought was maybe just let him know beforehand, hey I'm not upset, I don't hate you or anything, I hope we can keep things cordial tomorrow when we see each other. Otherwise I fear he may go running when he sees me and it will be all awkward.
And no, sadly, we are not in our 20s....he just turned 50 last week.
K...this is just way too dramatic of a situation for folks in their 50's....I would say that you don't call him....You simply go to the funeral....pay your respects and leave.
There is nothing to be gained by you setting things up ahead of time...It is like you told him not to come over, last year....but wind up sitting in the car then driving off with him....Too many mixed messages imo....It sounds like the kind of relationship that should not be continued even on a cordial level.....Go, with a girlfriend, or someone, then leave. Be respectful....No drama.
Don't open any communication channels with him. Try to be courteous when you see him & hang out with other people. Better yet, take a friend with you for company.
And no, sadly, we are not in our 20s....he just turned 50 last week.
Off-topic, but this has been one of the biggest surprises of getting older - the silliness and foolery older folks conduct that is nearly identical to the youngins. . I just turned 39, and I had an incident recently with a 40-year-old that made me feel like I was dealing with a teenaged high school student. HUGE disappointment!
Calling him beforehand IS drama. Just go to the funeral, smile and be cordial. It's not your responsibility how he reacts, but most sane people would not think they're going to be confronted at a funeral of all places. I'm sure you can just say hello and he'll say hello back. It's ended, leave it be.
Went to the service, saw him from afar, fought the urge to go say hi. Stuck with the people I came with. It went as well as it could have.
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. I just turned 39, and I had an incident recently with a 40-year-old that made me feel like I was dealing with a teenaged high school student. HUGE disappointment!
