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Perhaps offer to go into that to a extent with him. That shows that your just not leaving him to do it especially since its your idea. Otherwise your just saying YOU should make the sacrifice as they did for US.
They can get a reverse mortgage when one reaches 65. I just did. If they owe more than the house is wOrth when they die, you walk away free. They can take a lump sum or monthly payments. It will pay off their mortgage.
Maybe it's as simple as the OP says it is . . . he simply can't understand his brother's values because he would have behaved so differently in the same circumstances.
You don't have to be jealous to honestly wonder where someone's empathy is.
Empathy? The OP's parents are doing moderately sort-of OK. I know people who are penniless, or dying of cancer, or unable to function because of mental illness.
There are worse things than being only a little above average in financial well-being, which I think is a fair description of the parents.
The OP and his brother should discuss whether they are able and willing to help if their parents really need it. Other than that, I would not discuss anything.
Your brother is an a-hole if he doesn't do lift a finger to do something like that for his blood family. Ask and if he doesn't then don't talk to him anymore because he can say he's family but he doesn't act like family. Actions speak louder than words.
OP- you seem stuck on the idea that your parents have to stay in their home. Why should they stay there- it's likely to be a giant white elephant as they age. Too many stairs, too much exterior work, too many repairs, hard to clean, too much grounds maintenance, etc.
You and they are dealing with your emotions, rather than with the real world.
Just because they " want " to stay does not mean it's a good idea. Your parents have not made good financial decisions in the past. Staying put may also not be a good decision.
Perhaps you and your brother would be better off sitting down with your parents and discussing their future housing and financial options. They may be off and happier downsizing now while they are young and healthy enough to do it easily.
Your parents are not poverty stricken. Get that out of your head. They have Social Security from each, whatever they have in IRA's, a good deal of equity in their home when they do sell, etc. They could buy a smaller home, buy into an over 55 community, buy some sort of condo, rent, etc.
It might best to explore how they should plan their financial future and how to make that equity work for them. You seem to have a great deal of guilt. Leave it behind, it's not helping anything or anyone.
Rather, work on developing good financial sense in your parents. Woe is me is not a financial plan, don't let your parents play that game. Exploring all options, writing them down, comparing each against the other is. Remind your parents it's never too late to learn how to invest that equity.
^This. You gave a lot of reasons for your parents having so much left on the mortgage but that was still only a relatively short period of time in the scheme of it all. Aside from being laid-off, they still probably lived above their means. I have a feeling they made a lot of poor financial decisions on top of it and what's done is done. I do like the idea of talking to them about their finances, what they want in the future, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
The OP says in post#68 that the parents are talking about selling.
Why the OP is insisting they keep it by his brother paying it off is puzzling. Does the OP want the house?
I am thinking the same. The sooner they move, the easier it gets. There are so many people who downsize as they get older. My aunt is in the process of doing that right now, as did my grandfather who moved into an apartment not too long after my grandmother died. He had a lot of mobility issues and fell often so they thought a place where he could take an elevator up and down would be better, rather than climbing a staircase any time he wanted to leave the house. It also kept his living to one floor and he was messier, so it was easier to keep the smaller space clean. Now I see my parents starting to have the same issues and I tell them they should really look into ranch style homes.
OP keeps saying his brother is loaded but many wealthy people still pretty much live on credit and spend, spend, spend. I used to think my uncle had it made---he had a great income and once his wife began to work, it was even better. They were so much better off than my folks. Their kids got to do things I never got to do. And now my uncle is pretty broke and can barely pay off his mortgage. Even though his income has been probably 4x-5x that of my father's since I was a kid, he is just AWFUL with money and now he's hanging on by a thread.
Something like what?
The parents have not asked for help.
The parents want to sell the house.
The brother is doing nothing wrong.
^^^^^ This.
The OP thinks his brother should pay off the mortgage so mom isn't sad about moving. Not that the parents are in dire straits, but so mom isn't sad. They're not steps away from being homeless and I'd agree that the kids would be jerks if they didn't help in that case, but that's not the situation.
Look, your parents are fine. They have money set aside. They could sell their house at a nice profit, downsize and live comfortably. I'm not crying for them. They're likely to have to downsize and move anyway as part of the natural process of aging. My mother moved to a senior community where they handle all the yard work and her house has no stairs. It was just a logical move.
Your brother, on the other hand, I don't like much. Not because he would likely not help them with their mortgage (which I wouldn't blame him on), but mainly because he seems to take and take and take without giving anything back to his parents. That's fine when you're a kid, but not when you're an adult. But I've seen a lot of this entitled attitude in NYC executive types. It's like earning that much stunts their personal growth. I wonder what his other personal relationships are like.
Stay out of it. Let your parents downsize. And don't say a word to your brother about it.
If you ask him you risk changing your relationship with him and I doubt for the better.. I am only responding to the OP's Post and how HE described "The Brother" .. Multimillionaire.. But NOT a very Gracious one.. ( Doesnt bother to buy gifts for birthdays or other holidays) Might That Brother have gotten a bit of a big head and feels he did it all on his own? Mom and Dad paid for 3 college Educations..WOW! Unless Mom and Dad were also millionaires they had to sacrafice some of the things they wanted for that to happen.. No all 3 have graduated and 1, the oldest has done fabulously well. Sorry to hear he thinks its all about him..
That said its probabley more realistic if Mom and Dad Downsize.. Maybe this has a lot more to do with your needs than Mom and Dads , to maintain the Old Family Homestead.. the house where you grew up..
We retired and like 100's or 1000's of others moved south out of the snow belt and FOUND There is life in Nov. Dec. Jan. Feb.Mar. and Apr. Hahahahaha Our New Retirement home is only short 3 room of the old homestead but its 2000sqft smaller and the lot here is 1 .25 acres smalller and we and now farther from the down town business district but we love it here.. we love swining or being out on one of ourb boats when our kids and grand-children are battleing snow and ice and below zero temps.. Maybe Mom and Dad put sooooooooooo much into your 3 lives they never lived themselves ????
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Orth when they die, you walk away free. They can take a lump sum or monthly payments. It will pay off their mortgage.
