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I think I know how people will respond but I'm curious to get viewpoints anyway. sorry for the length but this is as brief as i could make it.
I've been friends with "Amy" since we were really young and we are in our mid 20s now. She has been like a sister to me and we've visited each other a lot (we live in different states) and gone on trips other places together as well. I would say until last year we'd managed to see each other at least once a year and kept in touch online / phone calls frequently. ETA: I am female as well if that matters.
She has a tendency when in relationships to become pretty absorbed in them and be unavailable to people that she can't hang out with if she isn't with her bf. I get the honeymoon period but this usually happens for the entire length of the relationship (unless they have problems and then she wants to talk). She has been with her current bf for a couple years now and the honeymoon period hasn't ended. She only hangs out with him and their local friends. She barely talks to me anymore and when I initiate a conversation with her I get distant, aloof responses, not like someone who I've known for 20 years. She said she would call me last year on my birthday so we could catch up and never did, then she said she would the following weekend and never did, claiming that she hates talking on the phone. This was news to me as throughout our friendship she never seemed to hate talking on the phone.
Finally, I moved to another state last year. She had visited me 2x at my previous state (we still lived in different states when I lived in my previous location) and I had visited her in her state as well, and she had planned to visit me here with her BF. It's actually cheaper to come to this location than the previous one. They had a sort of itinerary planned although it was never clear to me if they were really coming to see me or if they were just using my place as a crash pad because they were renting a car and had all these plans that didn't really include me...still I thought it would be nice to see her. Anyway, she contacted me a couple months before they were supposed to come to tell me that since they were moving in together in the fall, it wouldn't be financially feasible for them to come here. Fine, except she knew they planned to move in together when she was planning the visit...would you not price flights at that time and know then if you couldn't swing it? Also, I know there is at least one airline that has specials going from where she lives to where I live, you can get airfare for under $100 round trip sometimes on direct flights. And, I have actually paid for her plane ticket before and she knows I wouldn't mind doing it again. So to me that was a lame excuse. Then i found out recently she was planning to go to Disneyland in November with her BF and his family. So she did have the money to go on a trip, she just wanted to go to CA instead of coming to visit me.
So at this point since she blows me off repeatedly and lies about why she does so and never actually initiates conversations with me anymore, and when we do talk it's very superficial, not like close friends, I'm assuming we're no longer friends and I'm actually considering unfriending her on FB and just deleting her number...I'm not sure that she would notice to be honest. It makes me really sad to do this because it's rare to have a friend for pretty much your entire life, but I feel like she has already decided I'm not important to her anymore.
And for the record I'm in a relationship too, but I still make time for my friends...even the non local ones.
So am I right that this friendship is over? Or am I overreacting? If I do unfriend her and all that is it worth explaining why I'm doing it or should I just do it and say nothing if she contacts me asking why?
Follow up question: i'm also friends with her mom on FB and her mom actually does message me sometimes and comments on statuses and stuff (since we grew up together we have a lot of history together and her mom is friends with a lot of Amy's childhood friends). If I do unfriend Amy, would it be weird to stay FB friends with her mom or should I also unfriend her?
What is it you expect to accomplish by unfriending?
I would leave things just as they are. It's inevitable that relationships evolve. I can't fathom any harm in leaving your door open to Amy and her mother.
I suppose it would be more symbolic, like I said I don't think she would really notice if i unfriended her on FB.
I think she will only want to rekindle the friendship if they break up (and I mean, obviously I hope they don't, I want her to be happy) but I could be wrong I suppose.
As we get older, friendships come and go. Just don't try to contact her for a while and see how it goes. I wouldn't unfriend her, it sounds like you probably want to leave the door open.
^You're probably right....IDK, she told me in April that they weren't coming to see me and I didn't contact her until August, in all that time she didn't reach out to me at all....that's part of why I'm thinking we just aren't friends anymore. But maybe unfriending is a bad idea.
People grow and change, and true friendships ebb and flow. Unfriend and block her, after 20 years??? That just sounds petty.
It sounds like you're hurt and looking for ways to hurt her. I say relax and understand that life makes different demands on people at different stages. Stop holding her to YOUR standards of acceptable friendship and just accept here where she is.
Over time, you may get close again. Why throw away all that history?
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Follow up question: i'm also friends with her mom on FB and her mom actually does message me sometimes and comments on statuses and stuff (since we grew up together we have a lot of history together and her mom is friends with a lot of Amy's childhood friends). If I do unfriend Amy, would it be weird to stay FB friends with her mom or should I also unfriend her?
Do you really need to post about this?
Amy clearly is not your friend.
Her mother (an entirely different human being) is evidently still the same friendly person she was in the past.
Given those facts, you should be able figure out the FB nonsense on your own if that friending BS means that much to you.
People grow and change, and true friendships ebb and flow. Unfriend and block her, after 20 years??? That just sounds petty.
It sounds like you're hurt and looking for ways to hurt her. I say relax and understand that life makes different demands on people at different stages. Stop holding her to YOUR standards of acceptable friendship and just accept here where she is.
Over time, you may get close again. Why throw away all that history?
People grow and change, and true friendships ebb and flow. Unfriend and block her, after 20 years??? That just sounds petty.
It sounds like you're hurt and looking for ways to hurt her. I say relax and understand that life makes different demands on people at different stages. Stop holding her to YOUR standards of acceptable friendship and just accept here where she is.
Over time, you may get close again. Why throw away all that history?
I agree that true friendships ebb and flow...
but I wouldn't lie to someone and say I was going to come visit them and then blow them off for a better trip...while claiming I couldn't afford to visit them. Do you think that's an acceptable thing to do in a friendship?
Really the FB thing is secondary and I was mostly wondering if it sounded to anyone else like the friendship was over. I probably won't actually bother with unfriending her, as I don't think she would notice and I actually agree that FB doesn't mean anything in terms of friendship and relationships.
You are probably right that I'm looking for ways to hurt her, which is stupid...
Her mother (an entirely different human being) is evidently still the same friendly person she was in the past.
Given those facts, you should be able figure out the FB nonsense on your own if that friending BS means that much to you.
I know they're different people, for sure. FB is really not as big of a deal as I am making it out to be in my post but unfortunately after re reading it I do sound FB obsessed...ugh, maybe I should just delete it myself
I was just wondering if it would look weird but I'm probably just overthinking because I'm irritated about the situation.
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