One of my best friends adult kid is a freeloader (member, adults)
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Clear it out of your mind and don't think about it. Getting involved in others people's family affairs is only going to get them mad at you, it's not going to "solve" anything.
Oh yes these people exist. I have a failure to launch bil who is 50 and only lived away from home for a year or 2. No job. hangs out with his buds several nights a week. Hasn't had a job since the 90's cuz he doesn't feel like working and mil foots all his bills, insurance and provides him with transportation. He pays no rent. BIL has no illness, social or mental. Some college. Very smart. Very talented, but very lazy and manipulative with MIL. Since she's knocking on 80 he now keeps her company along with her cats. He has an equally loser, inexplicably clingy girlfriend who hangs out at mil's house as often as possible cuz she desperately wants to live there and has no friends. MIL doesn't like her, but is afraid bil will leave if she doesn't accomodate the girlfriend. Leave and go where? We don't need judge judy or springer. We just stand back and watch them.
Itsnt bad having kids living with you in your old age. People pay money to companions, why not your own kid who feels lost? If one likes it and can afford it then what's the issue? Would you rather send them on street?
Oh yes these people exist. I have a failure to launch bil who is 50 and only lived away from home for a year or 2. No job. hangs out with his buds several nights a week. Hasn't had a job since the 90's cuz he doesn't feel like working and mil foots all his bills, insurance and provides him with transportation. He pays no rent. BIL has no illness, social or mental. Some college. Very smart. Very talented, but very lazy and manipulative with MIL. Since she's knocking on 80 he now keeps her company along with her cats. He has an equally loser, inexplicably clingy girlfriend who hangs out at mil's house as often as possible cuz she desperately wants to live there and has no friends. MIL doesn't like her, but is afraid bil will leave if she doesn't accomodate the girlfriend. Leave and go where? We don't need judge judy or springer. We just stand back and watch them.
think of it as a live in caregiver, at least the MIL has somebody to watch over her and keep her company
some elderly people have nobody to help them, it's better than leaving her all alone.
she helps him, he helps her, they are all happy.
he's her protector, I bet he does chores and takes her to doctor appointments and shopping, etc.
I am very concerned about a close friend of mine. She has a daughter who is in her forties who moved in with Mom and Dad after she lost her job in the Great Recession in 2009. Now 6 years later the daughter still lives with her parents and still does not have a job and not a dime to her name.
The daughter is living a life similar to a teenage girl but without school and a part time job to keep her busy. She does not drive and has no money and does not contribute to the household in any way. Other than sleeping, she just hangs around the house and watches television and reads. The daughter has no kids, does not involve herself in volunteer work or attend church.
My friend does not think it a big thing. Should her friends or family get involved?
Do you know any adults in their forties who live with their parents and don't work or contribute to the household at all?
There are LOTS of Gen X children in their 40's living at their parent's home after years of employment so I wouldn't make issue. I've seen this at the unemployment offices, speaking anecdotally with the agents there.
Reason being, many Gen X are not necessarily lazy, but they are the unlucky generation having lived through a 10 year period of economic turmoil during what should have been their prime earning years. First the dotcom bust after most graduated from college, and then the financial bust. Many Gen X were priced out of the housing market in the 2000's and if they bought, they bought the high and many went bankrupt or foreclosed. These life events can be traumatic. Gen X represents the highest indebted generation of the 3, (Gen X, Millenials and Boomers) as a ratio to each gen's total population count.
Another reason why this is happening and is common is because Boomers have disproportional wealth vs the latter generations. The Boomers were lucky to have bought homes in the 70's and 80's and saw their home values triple. Their 401k's have recovered and still stable, and now they are receiving social security that many don't even need.
With incomes rising so slowly, it behooves Gen X to just move back home. The estate is eventually theirs anyway, is the thinking.
I am very concerned about a close friend of mine. She has a daughter who is in her forties who moved in with Mom and Dad after she lost her job in the Great Recession in 2009. Now 6 years later the daughter still lives with her parents and still does not have a job and not a dime to her name.
The daughter is living a life similar to a teenage girl but without school and a part time job to keep her busy. She does not drive and has no money and does not contribute to the household in any way. Other than sleeping, she just hangs around the house and watches television and reads. The daughter has no kids, does not involve herself in volunteer work or attend church.
My friend does not think it a big thing. Should her friends or family get involved?
Do you know any adults in their forties who live with their parents and don't work or contribute to the household at all?
Unless the friend complains to you a lot, or asks for advice, stay out of it. your friend may enjoy her daughter being around. BUt if she asks for advice, then give it as you see fit.
IF she complains to much, then tell her you what you would do, and then say "if you don't want to do what I think you should do, then stop complaining to me about it."
I have a friend whose 25 y/o finally is "moved out" and HAS a job, but parties away the money earned. Every month, guess who pays the rent on the child's apartment? Guess what hey do when the child shows up at their home saying "I'm hungry and have no food"? guess what my friend {and spouse} do when the child has their second car but can't pay the insurance part? guess what my friend does when the kid has no gas in the car?
I have told My Friend {he} what I think and have told him "NO MORE WHINING TO me about it, I DON'T Want to hear it anymore"i!!!! When He starts a new tale about the kid, I say "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!"
That should stop your concerns,If not, STAY OUT OF it!
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50 year old Brother in Law
