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I'm honestly conflicted with this situation and it is bugging the living hell out of me.
These days I am a self feeder, I make great money, etc. A few days ago my parents asked me for a loan, a loan substantially more than what I asked for eight years ago. Their situation isnt that they are irresponsible with money... My mother's salon hasn't done as great since my sisters left plus other related issues... The situation is that they are in danger of losing their house which is close to being paid off (four years). My loan would cover paying off the house since that is the expense they are most struggling with.
I'm not sure what to do... I am not a spiteful person but part of me does want to say, "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps..." However, really, there's no other reasons why I shouldn't give them the money.
What should I do?
I don't know, maybe you are a spiteful person. If it's true that 'there's no other reason' why you shouldn't give/loan them the $$$, I assume they've been decent parents. In fact, I'd bet that when they refused to give you $$$ for your car, you weren't quite as responsible as you portray. Anyways, all the replies suggesting you throw that 'bootstrap' thing back in their faces won't help you or your parents.
Unless they're rotten parents, forgive their 8 year-old mistake and give/loan them an amount you can afford.
I'll take the other side of the argument. They didn't help you out because they maybe felt you would learn a lesson from it, so it is your turn to teach them the same lesson.
I know family and all that good stuff, but they didn't go out of their way to help you when you needed it, so why should you now be chastised for not helping them ?
I wouldn't "lend" them money to pay off the house. I'd BUY the house, then charge them rent to continue to live there. That would solve their problem (wanting to remain in their long-time home), yet ensure that you are not flushing your hard-earned money down the toilet.
I fear you just bailing them out per their request, as they have proven they make bad financial choices. There doesn't seem to be much of a guarantee they will be able to pay you back. I suspect they would not take the responsibility of a loan from you with the same seriousness they would have about paying back a lending institution. ("We had X, Y, and Z problems this months, so we just don't have the money to pay you." How many times are you going to hear that?)
You owning the house will also circumvent problems down the road. What if they can save the house some other way besides borrowing from you? Based on your OP, you have at least one sibling. Even if you bail them out, what's to prevent them from leaving the house to your sister when they pass on the grounds that she has financial instability and you don't, so you don't "need" it?
Get an independent evaluator to judge the worth of the house, based on its condition and comps on sales in the area, then have them sell it to you for a fair price. If the house isn't currently under water, they will then have some cash on hand they can put into a savings account. Charge them a fair rent that will cover any mortgage you have to take out, if you can't afford to buy the house outright. If your mother is still trying to run a salon, it would be an additional favor from you to get her some financial advice in reorganizing her business so it's profit-making instead of an additional economic burden to them. Or perhaps she can sell it?
It would be terrible for them to lose a house they have only four more years to pay on. You are in a position to be the white knight, but protect yourself. The bad feelings you already have toward them because of how harsh they were with you will increase tremendously if you lend them this money and never get the loan back.
I don't know, maybe you are a spiteful person. If it's true that 'there's no other reason' why you shouldn't give/loan them the $$$, I assume they've been decent parents. In fact, I'd bet that when they refused to give you $$$ for your car, you weren't quite as responsible as you portray. Anyways, all the replies suggesting you throw that 'bootstrap' thing back in their faces won't help you or your parents.
Unless they're rotten parents, forgive their 8 year-old mistake and give/loan them an amount you can afford.
I like how you "assume" they've been good parents, while also assuming that the son's not telling the whole truth about his circumstances. My bet is you're a parent.
I like how you "assume" they've been good parents, while also assuming that the son's not telling the whole truth about his circumstances. My bet is you're a parent.
I 'assumed' they were decent parents because the op wrote that the only reason for not loaning the money is the incident from 8 years ago. Maybe the op was responsible with money, maybe not. I don't think it would be unusual for parents and their college-age or recent grad child to have different views of spending.
Anyways, refusing to give parents some help because of an 8 year-old grudge sounds petty and spiteful.
I 'assumed' they were decent parents because the op wrote that the only reason for not loaning the money is the incident from 8 years ago. Maybe the op was responsible with money, maybe not. I don't think it would be unusual for parents and their college-age or recent grad child to have different views of spending.
Anyways, refusing to give parents some help because of an 8 year-old grudge sounds petty and spiteful.
So the parents can have a good reason for refusal but the child cannot?
If we have been told the whole story and the parents refused to spot him a bit of money to get his car back and save his job then he has good reason to not help them out.
But it's doubtful and probably unlikely that we have heard the full story. Why did the parents refuse to help him in that incident? Was it because that was just the latest in a long series of incidents where the son needed help because of his poor decisions? Was it because of the son's ungratefulness or failure to pay back as promised in previous incidents? Was it because of the son's bad attitude about the incident?
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