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The entire time I was married - 21 yrs, my late husbands' cousin (she's 20 yrs. older) and I talked on the phone ALL the time, I visited, etc. - since he passed last year, I visited the cousins daughter (2nd/3rd?) - whatever. Her and I talked ALOT... but it has seriously slacked off.
I am realizing, sadly, that I guess I am no longer part of the family (even though they SAY I am), get togethers, etc. - without me although there was one for a 50th Anniversary that I was invited to but - 6 hr. drive away and hotel, etc., I couldn't do it.
I have no family nearby (and my family has issues/is not normal so loved feeling like I was part of them). Same w/late husbands' friends, who I thought were mine as well - only one keeps in touch, I get invited to the usual holidays, sometimes.
I am not looking for pity, I guess rather looking for "what do you do when you don't have family nearby?"
He wasn't terribly outgoing and we had a usual "Cheers" type place that we went to initially until it closed up - since then, we didn't go out much and although I'm outgoing, I didn't get to meet others (I'm on disability so don't work anymore and that seems to be how you meet folks)
I think it's sad that when one loses a spouse, the spouse's family seems to disappear. That said, I'm sorry for your loss.
My brother died over 2 years ago. When he passed, I let my SIL know that she will always be my SIL, no matter what. The sad thing, is that my other brother isn't talking to her anymore (long story---but she didn't deserve that).
What she does to keep busy is to get involved in activities that interest her and are near where she lives. Her mother is still alive so she spends time looking out for her mom.
Think about your interests, then look around for any activities related to them. From what I recall from your NoVA postings, you live in an area where lots of things are going on.
It's been a year. People don't know how to respond when someone is grieving. They don't want to bother you and they do t know what to say to you. It's very common. You need to reach out. They will respond. :-)
It's normal for family to drift off in these cases (I lost my first husband at 40).
You need to make friends, and at least start thinking about dating in the future.
Do you have any hobbies or interests? Classes you can take? Anything look good on Meetup.com?
Any ideas that appeal to you?
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Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-14-2015 at 10:22 AM..
Reason: Regal sin is no longer available
Is there something you can volunteer to do that would make you feel part of the community? For example libraries and sometimes schools have volunteer readers for story hour or volunteers to listen to children reading. There also may be adult education programs that assist adults with literacy improvement that might need volunteers.
You may consider joining a grief counseling group. Others have gone through similar situations and being part of a group might help you feel less alone. Good luck.
I moved to 2 cities s an adult when I knew nobody there. I made friends through work and neighbors. We "made" our family.[u]. I hosted holiday dinners for the singles or older couples. Potluck, I do the turkey, they bring everything else. I have also used meetup.com to find activities and some kindred souls. Don't sit back and wait for life to find you, go out and grab it! oh, and I was over 55 when I first moved.
OP, Alexandria has some fantastic opportunities for volunteering and various classes that fit most interests. I think if you were to volunteer or sign up for some classes, you would meet new people and develop friendships.
I do think your cousin means it when she says you're still family simply because you were married to your husband for 21 years. After 21 years, you are part of the family! Because everyone grieves differently, perhaps they just don't want to say something that might upset you. I think you should continue to make efforts to regularly keep in touch with her. And if you guys are as close as you imply, perhaps you could talk about her about your feelings. That is what friends are for, after all.
I'm really sorry. When my sister passed, we had a similar thing. Her friends became close like family to me. But over time they just sort of went on with their lives and I fell off the radar. And I have worked to keep them in my life. But...I guess all we had in common really was my sister. I also mourned a lot longer...I still do. I bummed them out, I guess.
As for no family around, you got to get out there as best as you can. As lonely as you might be, there are lots of others feeling the same way. And also looking for a connection. Volunteering, church, a regular watering hole, a hobby group.
Sorry to hear about your loss. I agree with the suggestions to volunteer. Many organizations just need help responding emails so you could start slowly. The other thing I will suggest is to get a pet. You will still need to get out and meet new people but they provide good companionship.
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