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Well, if your sisters were sisters to you when you needed them, then I think you could be a brother to them now. I am glad you enjoy your nieces and nephews. That's good, and it will endear you to their mothers, for sure. Are you a techie? Can you help them with their electronics, from time to time? Are there other things you can assist them with? I don't mean you would be on call or anything, but often the younger person knows a lot more about the mobile electronics and internet services than older people. So, that's one way you three could interact.
Also, do ask about your nephews and nieces, and remember their birthdays. Also, remember the birthdays of your sisters. I think a card is all that is required here, but I imagine a Starbucks gift card would not be amiss for your sisters. And over the holidays, you all could play some games together.
In other words, try to be the thoughtful younger brother. Since you are the youngest, it will be hard to imagine their lives, and their concerns, but if you put your mind to it, you can be that cool uncle and brother.
Your mom has an idealized idea of her family, and she wants you to be part of it. It may be that she has picked up on your disinterest, or it may be that she is being unreasonable. I don't know. But you might want to try harder in this area. I believe you are a great guy though for posting this question, and not just shrugging it off.
You can't force these things. I connect and have things in common with a nephew 25 years my junior but not so much other family members his age. I have varying levels of relationships with my siblings. It is what it is. You have nothing in common with your older sisters now. You might later or you might not. That doesn't mean you don't care about them. Your mom sounds lovely but a bit unrealistic. Let her comments pass.
There's nothing to react to. When she says stuff like that, I'd just shrug and change the subject. You and your sisters don't owe it to your mother to try to force a bond that isn't there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AK-Cathy
You can't force these things. I connect and have things in common with a nephew 25 years my junior but not so much other family members his age. I have varying levels of relationships with my siblings. It is what it is. You have nothing in common with your older sisters now. You might later or you might not. That doesn't mean you don't care about them. Your mom sounds lovely but a bit unrealistic. Let her comments pass.
Let me get in line and endorse the above two wise answers. OP, your mom should be grateful that you are not estranged from your sisters and should give up trying to force you (and them) into a mold of her own liking. But since that is not going to happen, yes, you should "just shrug and change the subject", thus "let(ting) her comments pass".
It's fine for your mother to "want" this. If you are a self-supporting adult, it's also fine for you to do what you want. Only you can live your life.
I am over 50, and there are things my mother still wants me to do that I have no interest in (like having children, joining a club, or going to an expensive hairdresser). This used to irritate me to no end.
At some point (thanks to therapy ), I decided to let these sort of wants to just wash over me like water off a duck's back. I picture myself wearing an imaginary raincoat. Now I'll even agree with her wants with non-committal positive phases like "that's a good idea", "that's nice of you to want that", etc. and then change the subject. It doesn't get to me anymore, and I'm more relaxed and enjoying her company much more.
It is important to distinguish between these sort of wants (the kind that come from a place of love, where she thinks your life would be better) and manipulation (where her life would be better at the expense of yours). Manipulation is not the subject of my post. I believe this, her wanting you to be closer to your sisters, is coming from a place of love. Either way, it's up to you to live how you want to live and not feel guilty for not fulfilling her every want.
It's fine for your mother to "want" this. If you are a self-supporting adult, it's also fine for you to do what you want. Only you can live your life.
I am over 50, and there are things my mother still wants me to do that I have no interest in (like having children, joining a club, or going to an expensive hairdresser). This used to irritate me to no end.
At some point (thanks to therapy ), I decided to let these sort of wants to just wash over me like water off a duck's back. I picture myself wearing an imaginary raincoat. Now I'll even agree with her wants with non-committal positive phases like "that's a good idea", "that's nice of you to want that", etc. and then change the subject. It doesn't get to me anymore, and I'm more relaxed and enjoying her company much more.
It is important to distinguish between these sort of wants (the kind that come from a place of love, where she thinks your life would be better) and manipulation (where her life would be better at the expense of yours). Manipulation is not the subject of my post. I believe this, her wanting you to be closer to your sisters, is coming from a place of love. Either way, it's up to you to live how you want to live and not feel guilty for not fulfilling her every want.
This is a very nice post. This should be taken to heart.
My mother is the same. She'd love for me and my brother to be close. text and talk and be friends. Not gonna happen. We love each other. But we just don't have enough in common. Not to mention my brother has always been one-sided. Example, he has no problem telling me what girls he finds sexy. But he never wants to hear me even mention that a man is cute. Years ago, he was living with his ex fiance, while seeing some other girl on the side. But when his fiance wanted to set me up, he tells her I never needed to meet anyone. But it's ok for him to mooch and cheat.
So, no. We probably are not going to be close. lol
I have no ill will toward any family, except 1 cousin. Otherwise, I am just not close with alot of my family. Just is how it is.
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), I decided to let these sort of wants to just wash over me like water off a duck's back. I picture myself wearing an imaginary raincoat. Now I'll even agree with her wants with non-committal positive phases like "that's a good idea", "that's nice of you to want that", etc. and then change the subject. It doesn't get to me anymore, and I'm more relaxed and enjoying her company much more.
