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Ever since the 2016 U.S. election, my parents have gotten more actively involved in politics. And by "actively involved", I mean they've just turned into a couple of recluses who just lock themselves inside and watch Fox news all day long. On top of that, they just turn every discussion into a political one, even if the conversation starter isn't even remotely related to politics.
"Where'd you go out to eat?"
"Popeyes."
"Oh. That's where the liberals get their chicken."
That's basically what it's like talking with my parents in a nutshell. They've lost a bunch of friends as a result. Everytime they'd go out just for something simple like movies, sporting events, or dinners, they'd turn everything into a political conversation and people started to get sick of it really quick. I've have to constantly deal with them calling me and wondering why nobody wants to hang out with them. The 2020 election only made them double down on their behavior and it's started to affect our whole family now.
Throughout our family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) my parents now have the reputation as the bitter hermits who just ramble about politics all the time. Throughout the years, we've had to deal with less and less family members showing up for gatherings. Last Thanksgiving was the year when my grandpa (my mom's dad) simply called from home, told both of my parents that him and my grandma won't be joining us for Thanksgiving, and then gave them the number of a therapist. My mom and her dad haven't been on speaking terms since then and my mom keeps using the term "excommunicated from the family" when referring to her parents.
Just a few days ago, I got a call from my aunt (my dad's sister) and she invited me over to her place for Thanksgiving. My aunt's Thanksgiving last year (I didn't attend, but heard through the grapevine) involved basically the entire family minus me and my parents. The word is that everyone was talking about how crazy my parents have become and how they feel bad for me having to spend my Holidays with them. Now this year, it's looking to be the same, except my aunt wants me involved. She didn't say it directly, but I obviously understood the subtext of the conversation: She wants me away from my parents, especially since her and my dad have always had a poor relationship and she's been vocal about my upbringing with them.
I think that it'd be great to have a normal Thanksgiving where everyone's actually having a good time and being happy in a completely apolitical environment. I haven't experienced something like that since 2015 and I'm tempted to take up my aunt's offer. It's just that I know that my parents wouldn't like it and they'd do whatever in their power to prevent it. I also admit to feeling guilty about leaving just my two parents alone for Thanksgiving. Would I be the bad guy for not joining my parents this year?
I don't think you need to go to your parents', but why do you want to spend the evening where the only topic of conversation is running down your parents? Have you thought this through?
I don't think you need to go to your parents', but why do you want to spend the evening where the only topic of conversation is running down your parents? Have you thought this through?
I doubt that that'll be the only topic. My guess would be that it only happened last year because it was the first Thanksgiving where it was basically the entire family after they all made a statement to my parents about their behavior.
And given my dad and aunt's relationship, I can't really blame her for having some harsh things to say about him.
I don't think you need to go to your parents', but why do you want to spend the evening where the only topic of conversation is running down your parents? Have you thought this through?
Yes. This would be poisoning the well with your parents. Bad idea.
I doubt that that'll be the only topic. My guess would be that it only happened last year because it was the first Thanksgiving where it was basically the entire family after they all made a statement to my parents about their behavior.
And given my dad and aunt's relationship, I can't really blame her for having some harsh things to say about him.
And this sounds like a way to hit back at your dad. Sounds like the problems aren't only on your parents side. This puts you in the middle.
Agree with Oregon on the wisdom of just running them down. I think a better approach would be to try to reach a better detente with your folks so you can have what you say you want. A family that gets along better.
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 10-24-2022 at 06:38 PM..
I don't think you need to go to your parents', but why do you want to spend the evening where the only topic of conversation is running down your parents? Have you thought this through?
OP's parents are toxic and it's affecting the entire family. If he can spend one Thanksgiving with other family, he's not the bad guy. His parents have isolated themselves from everyone, and OP doesn't need to wallow in it with them for a turkey dinner.
Oregon is right. If you show up at your aunt and uncle's house, you'll spend the day either trashing your parents or feeling like you need to defend them, and no matter which way it goes, it's going to leave you with a rip-roaring case of indigestion. I suggest spending Thanksgiving either alone or with friends, and feel free to tell your family why: you don't have any desire to spend your holiday dealing with their crap.
Ever since the 2016 U.S. election, my parents have gotten more actively involved in politics. And by "actively involved", I mean they've just turned into a couple of recluses who just lock themselves inside and watch Fox news all day long. On top of that, they just turn every discussion into a political one, even if the conversation starter isn't even remotely related to politics.
"Where'd you go out to eat?"
"Popeyes."
"Oh. That's where the liberals get their chicken."
That's basically what it's like talking with my parents in a nutshell. They've lost a bunch of friends as a result. Everytime they'd go out just for something simple like movies, sporting events, or dinners, they'd turn everything into a political conversation and people started to get sick of it really quick. I've have to constantly deal with them calling me and wondering why nobody wants to hang out with them. The 2020 election only made them double down on their behavior and it's started to affect our whole family now.
Throughout our family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) my parents now have the reputation as the bitter hermits who just ramble about politics all the time. Throughout the years, we've had to deal with less and less family members showing up for gatherings. Last Thanksgiving was the year when my grandpa (my mom's dad) simply called from home, told both of my parents that him and my grandma won't be joining us for Thanksgiving, and then gave them the number of a therapist. My mom and her dad haven't been on speaking terms since then and my mom keeps using the term "excommunicated from the family" when referring to her parents.
Just a few days ago, I got a call from my aunt (my dad's sister) and she invited me over to her place for Thanksgiving. My aunt's Thanksgiving last year (I didn't attend, but heard through the grapevine) involved basically the entire family minus me and my parents. The word is that everyone was talking about how crazy my parents have become and how they feel bad for me having to spend my Holidays with them. Now this year, it's looking to be the same, except my aunt wants me involved. She didn't say it directly, but I obviously understood the subtext of the conversation: She wants me away from my parents, especially since her and my dad have always had a poor relationship and she's been vocal about my upbringing with them.
I think that it'd be great to have a normal Thanksgiving where everyone's actually having a good time and being happy in a completely apolitical environment. I haven't experienced something like that since 2015 and I'm tempted to take up my aunt's offer. It's just that I know that my parents wouldn't like it and they'd do whatever in their power to prevent it. I also admit to feeling guilty about leaving just my two parents alone for Thanksgiving. Would I be the bad guy for not joining my parents this year?
Join suit. And tell them why.
We literally had to tell my in-laws to cut out the politics.
Here's the thing about people who talk about politics non-stop, regardless of what side of the political divide they might lie: They are tedious. That's right. Tedious.
If every topic is fair game for you to get in your political digs, if you are basing your entire relationship with someone on whether they think like you, then you are a gigantic pain in the ass to be around.
Believe me when I say this. There are an infinite number of topics that are interesting and don't revolve around politics. Try learning what those are.
Could you arrange to spend the day at each house and also refrain from running either side down to the other? You should have enough time to do so as Thanksgiving tends to be a very long day.
You could become a bridge between the two groups and by your words and actions help to facilitate a reconciliation.
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