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Husband has completely cut off one of his siblings. It's been easier to do since his mother died. They have no contact. She no longer has his number since we dropped a landline. Any information he gets about her, very rarely, comes from his other sibling.
The last time he saw her was about 12 years ago, soon after their mother died.
This sibling has tried to reach him through the other sibling. He will not ever call or accept a call from her. She wants money.
The reasons for cutting her off are many, but involve her being a horrible parent, an addict at times, generally unable to accept responsibility for her life or be an adult. After her grandson, who's mother abandoned him, overdosed in her apartment that was the absolute end.
I wasn't happy with my family when I was younger. Went to therapy and they said to be selfish:
Do what is best for YOU.
If you feel better with no contact, then do that.
If you feel better with staying in contact, then do that but don't expect them to change or apologize.
Few months back I cut off all ties with my sister. She has taken some life-altering bad decisions & I tried to help her out but I was told not to interfere. Her husband & in-laws are responsible for it & I cannot be a quiet spectator to their destruction so I left. I deleted them even from facebook. Her attitude has always been selfish & manipulative so I cannot completely blame her husband for my decision to part ways with them. They are clearly on a path towards self-destruction & I decided not to get dragged into their drama so it was better for me & my family to stay far away from them. They tried calling us during holidays, birthdays but we haven't returned their calls. Maybe few years later when they come out of their miseries & have learnt their lessons I might consider taking them back but right now they are acting like immature, selfish jerks & I cannot put up with that attitude. I think God pulled me out of it so no regrets or hard feelings about anything. I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the best way you can help someone is to leave them alone to learn valuable lessons on their own.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 28 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,362,966 times
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Once had a friend who complained constantly how her sister rarely ever contacts her or responds back to messages. Then I found out why and don't blame the sister for not wanting anything to do with her. The "friend" is always looking for ways to mooch off of people. Now I consider her a very casual acquaintance since we have mutual friends and on occasion run into her
Yes, I have ceased contact with what remains of my birth family. Feels great!
When I asked a friend why people do crappy things, sometimes to people they don't even know, he said that when we come into the world we are two beings: body and mind.
The body is innocent and benign. It's the mind, along with our ego, that gets messed up. All these things that people stress about such as guilt, revenge, hatefulness, envy, gossip, betrayal, etc. are like bees constantly buzzing in our heads. They make us reactive, bouncing off the latest emotion and careening towards the next.
We are capable of so much more than that. We are creatures of love, wisdom, caring...but to experience that fully we have to free our minds by letting the bees out. When you meet someone infested with mind bees who wants to give you some, walk away.
Yes. I have 3 half brothers and 1 half sister. We all had the same father. When our father died I finally was able to see them for what they are...toxic, back stabbing liars. I have NO regrets. They always resented me because they didn't like their step mother, my mom. They were jealous because our father got to spend more time with me. My father was 40 when I was born and had financial stability for the first time. He had to work a lot when they were young, plus he was a single father because their mother ran off with another man. My dad was awarded custody of them over their mother. This was not a regular occurrence in the late 1950's.
My sister is especially vile. She sends me nasty letters when ever I do anything at the grave site. She thinks she is the only one allowed to plant or put things there. She did not pay for it. She acts like I have no rights at all, yet BOTH of my parents are buried there.
It felt like such a weight was lifted when I finally cut the ties.
Two siblings! One I have had no contact with since 2012, the other no contact since early 2015. They are toxic.
Lesson learned in life - It sometimes takes a stronger person to walk away and stay away, then one who will dwell in the past and try to fix things that will never change!
I was just cut off by my own family before the holidays, though I'd entertained doing it myself on and off for years now. In short: I'm gay, and they don't want me to be. They actively treat me like hell for it even though I'm 40, successful, and they've had ages to get used to it. It's not like I've even been open about my sexuality to much of anyone. I'm actually a very private, conservative person. They're the ones who made a big deal of it to others, and took every opportunity to diminish every good thing I've ever done by always bringing everything around to my "deviance" in some fashion.
The only reason I didn't sever ties myself is because I have a young daughter; I wouldn't have wanted her to suffer the loss of her grandparents, aunt and uncle. Otherwise, I would have had no good reason to stick around.
How do I feel now that I'm estranged? It hasn't been long enough for it to really sink in, but I'm sure I'll end up grieving in some way after a while. Almost nobody truly wants to have it happen.
Before you make such a drastic move, just make sure you've exhausted all options and that you're positive you won't change your mind anytime soon. (A silent exit might be better than burning the bridge to cinders.) If you do have second thoughts later, you may be surprised to find that not everyone would be willing to reconcile.
And please do make sure you allow yourself to grieve if you decide to do it. You're likely quite fed up, hurt and angry, but it's important to recognise that it is in fact a loss of relationships you've had since childhood, abusive or not, and there will be a part of you in there somewhere that is genuinely sad for how things have gone. Suppress those feelings and you're setting yourself up for problems with personal relationships until you come to healthy terms.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do. I'm sorry it's come to such a crossroads for you.
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