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In my large family two of my brothers are millionaires and are very successful business executives with huge salaries and stock options. Good for them. But two of my other brothers are very poor, working full time but only making about $25,000 a year. The huge difference between the career and economic fortunes of my brothers causes lots of tension in the family.
My father is working class and Mom and Dad believe you are not really working unless you do physically demanding work. They believe that working behind a desk is not work at all and surely office workers don't deserve huge paychecks regardless of their intelligence, skills, education or talents.
So when my brothers complain about the millionaire brothers not helping the poor brothers financially, Mom and Dad pipe in and tell their rich kids to pay up. If course this drives everyone crazy, especially their wives. The rich brothers are sad that Mom and Dad are not proud of their successes which involved lots of hard work, education and unique talents.
FYI: The rich brothers do help out on occasion and buy the brothers who live poorly lots of gifts, but no matter what the gift, it is never enough. Thoughts?
Wow! This is a crazy case of the "entitlement" attitude. Why do the two millionaire brothers have to "pay up"? It is their personal choice if they want to help their "poorer" brothers. And aren't your less wealthy brothers ADULTS?? It's their job to provide for their own households, no one else's! At least, instead of expecting money for doing nothing but asking it, can't they ask the two successful brothers for advice on how to become more successul themselves.
My two poor brothers were not born with the IQ, EQ, or ability to learn how to do a job that would pay them well. They work like dogs doing boring work. They are just not able to gain a middle class lifestyle like I did. Is it really their fault?
My two poor brothers were not born with the IQ, EQ, or ability to learn how to do a job that would pay them well. They work like dogs doing boring work. They are just not able to gain a middle class lifestyle like I did. Is it really their fault?
If they're mentally disabled, then it's clearly not a blue collar vs white collar issue. Your parents may have been concerned about the future of the disabled brothers and didn't communicate properly their intentions when they said pay up.
My two poor brothers were not born with the IQ, EQ, or ability to learn how to do a job that would pay them well. They work like dogs doing boring work. They are just not able to gain a middle class lifestyle like I did. Is it really their fault?
No one here will ever know. Only you, your family, and your brothers know their situations and whether they are underachievers, the world doesn't value their talents despite their best efforts, or they simply don't have the savvy and business acumen to make a million out of $38. Regardless, your parents should stay out of it between the brothers. Yes, it would be nice if the two wealthy ones gave the others a leg up, but that is their decision, for whatever reasons they have.
Four sisters in my family. None of us are millionaires, but we are mix and match as well. One has a high-IQ and works hard but is a raging sociopath and narcissist, so I consider her a failure.
Another was never going to be a rocket scientist, but she could have made better choices, like not getting knocked up in high school and marrying at 19, and not turning down employer-funded higher education in her early 30s. She is selfish, jealous, petty, and resentful of those who made better choices, so I consider her a failure, too.
Another is above-average in IQ, but hated school and didn't go to college, yet made money hand over fist as a bartender in her 20s. She's now married to her second hub, they raised four kids together, and will retire with two civil servant pensions. Never heard her ever ask anyone for anything or complain even once about working, even when she had to work three jobs after divorcing her first husband. I consider her a success.
Then there is me, high-IQ, deliberately choosing work I find meaningful, if financially challenging, rather than sell my soul in something like pharmaceutical advertising. One letter to an editor in which someone said something I wrote saved her mother's life was all it took. I consider myself a success, and don't care what those who use a checkbook as a barometer think. In fact, I feel sorry for people like that.
Last edited by JasperJade; 03-25-2016 at 04:44 PM..
Reason: It was taken care of.
My two poor brothers were not born with the IQ, EQ, or ability to learn how to do a job that would pay them well. They work like dogs doing boring work. They are just not able to gain a middle class lifestyle like I did. Is it really their fault?
So you are making excuses for those you are complaining about?
The answer to your question is yes it is their fault for not making better life choices and the parents need to keep their traps shut and stay out of it. No adult sibling is obligated on any level for any reason to financially support their siblings or any other family member.
I am 68 and retired. I spent 35 years running my own trucking business, which was very successful. My wife and I have always been very frugal. Except for one small mortgage early on, we always avoided debt like the plague.
My brother was very successful as well, in business. He had the type of wife that, if you don't spend it, nobody will know you have it. He was of a similar mentality himself, and they both lived the high life, until their late-in-life divorce. The divorce really wiped him out, and he found himself in his 60s, broke and homeless.
I am not the sort of person who will let family suffer, if I know about it. Yes, he was a spendthrift all of his life, and chose a high-maintenance woman for a wife. But he did work hard all his life, and deserved better than what he got.
We live on 33 acres in Maine. That's more land than I really know what to do with. We invited my brother to come stay with us for free, with the stipulation that he save his pension money for building supplies. This he did, and last summer, we all pitched in and built him a cabin, which is where he lives full time. We have more than enough land. His daughter and 2 grandkids come to visit him, and he does help us out around the place. He comes and goes as he pleases.
At this stage in life, we all need to let the past be past, and enjoy the time we have left together. I have no regrets!
IMO it's unfortunate that your parents aren't more open minded and supportive of all their kids - and that they still intervene on behalf of your adult brothers who should be able to advocate for themselves. That's not a great dynamic.
My MIL felt my husband was disloyal for choosing a different branch of service and pursuing OCS instead of staying enlisted. To me, that's the same kind of thinking as valuing body work over brain work or v/v.
My dad was from a big family. Only two of them had advanced degrees and were financially successful compared to the others. My dad was big on family and gave his time readily and regularly to his siblings and their kids. He also helped financially. So that's the example i saw growing up as the youngest of 4 smart and capable girls in a family that valued education and stick-to-it-iveness. Our parents were supportive and expected us to be contributors and to take care of ourselves.
I have two sisters who are 1%ers, had one sister who was homeless for a time, and then I'm doing ok - chose work that's meaningful to me even though it's not financially rewarding. My homeless sister would've been homeless more if not for my mom (daddy had died by then). My mom wanted us to be emotional supports for that sister but my parents never indicated they thought we should be financial support for her. Each of us were there for her in some way - but she was an adult and independent so she made her own choices.
It sounds like your wealthy brothers are capable and somewhat interested in helping your poorer brothers. Useful gifts and picking up more of the tab when y'all are going in on something together seems reasonable. Even contributing to an education fund for their kids could be helpful and within reason to me. The point is they should do it because they choose to - not because someone's telling them to. That's bull.
My two poor brothers were not born with the IQ, EQ, or ability to learn how to do a job that would pay them well. They work like dogs doing boring work. They are just not able to gain a middle class lifestyle like I did. Is it really their fault?
I find it odd that you left this information out of your original post. It seems like you didn't like the response you got from the poster who mentioned "entitlement" and added this in later to make the story more dramatic.
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thinking as valuing body work over brain work or v/v. 
