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I am not sure how to properly word this, so I'm just going to take a stab at it and put it into words as nicely as possible
I don't want to be close with my neighbors. I don't want to be on bad terms with them, but I do want them to respect my privacy. I don't want to feel like I am being watched every time I go outside.
Back story: we have had the strangest neighbors over the years. It has ranged from full-blown psycho stalker, to overly nosey neighbor that has to interact with us and run across the street to talk to us if they see us getting in the car, to neighbors sending their kids to our house to "play" with our kids without discussing with us first (aka the neighbor thinks that they are getting free babysitting), and much more.. I could go on.. friends joke that we must have a magnet that attracts all the crazies...
In all of the above-mentioned circumstances we were passive aggressive because whenever we started to be assertive in us wanting our privacy, it seemed to bring the crazy out even more and would make the situation worse. Since we had to live next to these people we figured dealing with the expected level of crazy was better than the "unknown" level of crazy that we'd get glimpses of when we would be firm in our stance.
We will be moving and the neighborhood seems to be close-nit. I don't mind friendly neighbors, i.e. a wave hello, or a "how are you" in passing, but I do not want to be friends with my neighbors. I don't really know how to handle this going forward. When we move in do we just act like jerks and come across as rude in hopes the neighbors won't want to interact? My husband says in the past we have been far too nice and therefore it sends the wrong message. I do think it would be kind of strange to not say hi or introduce ourselves, but how do we handle it from there if the neighbor starts to want to build some sort of friendship because us introducing ourselves seemed like an invitation to something more?
Another issue is that due to my health I am home-bound and therefore in our past experiences, neighbors think this gives them reason to stop by whenever they want since they know there is a good chance I will be home. I find this incredibly rude and even when I don't answer the door (because I physically cannot), they just wait and watch the window until they see my husband's car, and then run over to our house to talk to him about whatever stupid thing they want to talk about.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I suppose I am just looking for guidance as to how we can get off to the right foot this time. We don't want people coming into our back yard (like previous neighbor who would send his kids over to our yard if he saw my husband outside with our kids), we don't want to feel like people are watching us like hawks, we just want to be on acquaintance terms however every neighbor we ever had seemed to want some sort of friendship (inviting us over, constantly asking to borrow things, assuming we'd babysit, asking to pick up their mail while on vaca, etc).
Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with doing a favor every once in a blue moon. It is nice to have nice people in your neighborhood to have your back God forbid there is ever an emergency, but I don't want to feel the need to have some sort of relationship or constant contact with neighbors. I want us to feel like we can come and go as we please....
Last edited by sunshinelove0000; 04-13-2016 at 09:44 PM..
I guess it depends where you are moving to- If you moved to my neighborhood in NJ nobody would ever talk to you in a million years- We've lived here almost 35 years and barely talk to anyone-God I love this place..........
I guess it depends where you are moving to- If you moved to my neighborhood in NJ nobody would ever talk to you in a million years- We've lived here almost 35 years and barely talk to anyone-God I love this place..........
I guess I can only hope and pray the neighborhood turns out to be that way. Husband says I should just give RBF (resting b***h face) and not seem interested when neighbors come over to say hi, in hopes that they'll catch my vibe lol
When you talk to them for the first time, mutter things to yourself under your breath, yell "hey, get off my porch!" when no one's there, and occasionally laugh loudly for no reason- they'll leave you alone.
I guess it depends where you are moving to- If you moved to my neighborhood in NJ nobody would ever talk to you in a million years- We've lived here almost 35 years and barely talk to anyone-God I love this place..........
Ha, I loved NJ because I had the most friendly neighbors and that were great friends!
Our street sounds very much like what you are moving into. When new neighbors moved in they would be invited to parties, we'd go over and introduce ourselves (you would hate us ). That said, there was a couple that moved in that liked their solitude. They just let us know "thanks not our scene" and that was fine.
As long as you aren't rude and honest with your feelings hopefully you won't attract any crazies. Good luck on your move!
I suppose that just being assertive & very direct the first time something happens is the key.
A neighbor coming over to chat is told "I'm sorry, but I have health problems and I need my rest. I do not answer the door during the day."
Hubby gets home and neighbor rushes over "I'm sorry, but I am not able to talk, I need to get dinner started".
Neighbor sends children over without asking, immediately take children back to their home and tell the parents "We were having family time and your children came over without being invited. Here they are."
Neighbor asks to borrow something "I'm sorry but we do not believe in loaning (tools/food/whatever)".
If you really want to be ignored, skip the "I'm sorry" and start with a firm "No".
In my neighborhood... Lots of people came over to the white family to say welcome... When I moved in, nobody came over... We moved in about 3 months apart... That's fine... I wasn't going to be friends with them anyways...
seriously- where are you moving to Disneyland? I cannot under any possibly foreseen circumstances imagine someone doing that here.
everywhere we have ever lived, whenever we move in within the first week all the neighbors pop by to introduce themselves and/or make it a point to catch us while we are out front
Ha, I loved NJ because I had the most friendly neighbors and that were great friends!
Our street sounds very much like what you are moving into. When new neighbors moved in they would be invited to parties, we'd go over and introduce ourselves (you would hate us ). That said, there was a couple that moved in that liked their solitude. They just let us know "thanks not our scene" and that was fine.
As long as you aren't rude and honest with your feelings hopefully you won't attract any crazies. Good luck on your move!
lol I wouldn't mind the invite if it was something like, "hey all us on the street are getting together Sunday to watch the game, feel free to stop by, we just ask that if you do to bring something as it's pot luck." In fact one of my good friends lives in a neighborhood where she is given an open invitation to stop by for neighborhood gatherings and it is more of an open door type thing, not formal, you don't have to RSVP, just very casual and no big deal whether or not you attend. I wouldn't attend if it were me but by no means would an invite like that bother me.
What I have experienced was a direct call or text (long story as to how the neighbor got my number) saying "can you come by on Saturday for my party/cook out/event?" and then when I say no, the day after the event I get a text with "We really missed you on Saturday, I saw that you were home. When is a good time to get together?" I felt like we were being stalked, because in a way we were.
I do really like the "that's not our scene" line and will be using that. I have used the whole "sorry, the kids keep us so busy" line but people don't seem to care when we use that and then it's a barrage of additional questions/needing to know a play-by-play of what we do with our lives One time after having surgery our drunk neighbor felt the need to "pop by" because she saw that I was home and wanted to know if I could "hang out" while I was recovering. ugh. Sorry lady but I like my space, and I certainly didn't want your face peering through my window the day I get home.
/end rant
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I felt like we were being stalked, because in a way we were. 
One time after having surgery our drunk neighbor felt the need to "pop by" because she saw that I was home and wanted to know if I could "hang out" while I was recovering. ugh. Sorry lady but I like my space, and I certainly didn't want your face peering through my window the day I get home. 
