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I was at a party for work a few months back and in order to be nice and make conversation, I told my boss I liked poker and game nights. So now I am being invited (through an online Evite software where everyone can see who accepts or declines events) to every poker/game night he has which is every 2 weeks on Friday night. It's over an hour drive to get to his house from my place. I came to one of his game nights a few months ago (again, in the spirit of honoring his initial invitation even though I didn't want to go). I've had to keep declining events for the last few months and running out of legitimate excuses (as if it's not already obvious that I don't want to go). If this wasn't work, then I wouldn't care. Now granted, I work at home so I hardly ever see my coworkers in person, I still work with them every day even though it's all remote (phone calls, group chat rooms, GoToMeetings, etc.).
Have you ever been in a situation like this and how do you go about gracefully getting yourself out of these invites without looking like the antisocial person in the group? I've thought about saying something like "Friday nights are not going to be good for me for a while ... got a comittment every Friday evening) - which that is somewhat true although if I really wanted to I could move the time I have this "commitment" so really it's a lie ... but it would at least sound better than telling my boss privately "hey can you remove me from the invites, not interested"? The truth is the last thing I want to do after working all week is drive for an hour to his house and then spend all night there playing tabletop games with my coworkers (I was there until nearly midnight last time). The whole Friday night is eaten up.
Tell him you don't get paid enough to gamble regularly and don't have the money to lose. Maybe go once in awhile, but that you can't afford to make a habit out of it. A good boss might- and should - appreciate that.
"Thank you so much for the invitation, but it's quite a drive and I am usually pretty beat on Friday night." Or mention how you like a few beers with your poker game so shouldn't drive. I'd show up now and then, though, maybe once every two months. You don't have to, but cronyism is real. Your job is more secure if the boss sees you as a team player and friend.
You don't have to make up excuses. It's too far to drive and gas is expensive. The point about your budget for gambling is a good one too.
Since you already told your boss you liked poker nights, I wouldn't use the gambling cost excuse. I'd go one last time, and announce that your spring softball, tennis, whatever team is starting up again, so your Friday nights are now booked. If you aren't the athletic type, maybe bowling. I think you do have to give a credible excuse, even if it isn't an honest one.
]I was at a party for work a few months back and in order to be nice and make conversation, I told my boss I liked poker and game nights. [/b]So now I am being invited (through an online Evite software where everyone can see who accepts or declines events) to every poker/game night he has which is every 2 weeks on Friday night. It's over an hour drive to get to his house from my place. I came to one of his game nights a few months ago (again, in the spirit of honoring his initial invitation even though I didn't want to go). I've had to keep declining events for the last few months and running out of legitimate excuses (as if it's not already obvious that I don't want to go). If this wasn't work, then I wouldn't care. Now granted, I work at home so I hardly ever see my coworkers in person, I still work with them every day even though it's all remote (phone calls, group chat rooms, GoToMeetings, etc.).
Have you ever been in a situation like this and how do you go about gracefully getting yourself out of these invites without looking like the antisocial person in the group? I've thought about saying something like "Friday nights are not going to be good for me for a while ... got a comittment every Friday evening) - which that is somewhat true although if I really wanted to I could move the time I have this "commitment" so really it's a lie ... but it would at least sound better than telling my boss privately "hey can you remove me from the invites, not interested"? The truth is the last thing I want to do after working all week is drive for an hour to his house and then spend all night there playing tabletop games with my coworkers (I was there until nearly midnight last time). The whole Friday night is eaten up.
No, I haven't been in a situation like this. Why? Because I wouldn't say I like a hobby/interest that I really had no interest in. Never tried to impress coworkers or the boss with stuff I knew I had no interest in.
Sounds like you did this more to fit in rather than make nice conversation. Nothing wrong with saying " I never cared for gambling, went to Las Vegas once and didn't care for it. But we're all different and have different interests". Not pretend you enjoy something to look good.
I mean if they were discussing skydiving, you might have found yourself jumping out of a plane.
Learn from this. "Oh on Friday nights I take a yoga, cooking, fill in the blank class". Or I have an elderly dog that I can't leave at home that long...something.
Standing Evites aren't really anything anyone takes seriously. Just ignore it. If you don't say you're going, your friend won't assume you're coming, most likely. If he asks you if you're coming face to face, just tell him it's not your thing and thank him for including you.
Let them know that you're taking up a personal hobby/or class on Friday evenings from now, so you will almost always be unavailable on Friday evenings from now on. So sorry, but that's just the way it worked out.
Get your boss aside privately and tell him that you can no longer attend the games and that you'd prefer him to take you off the mailing list because it embarrasses you to keep turning down the invitation in a public way.
Be sure to tell him that you have enjoyed the poker night and that you appreciate being included.
I don't think you need an excuse but you could blame it on your spouse, your need to spend more time with your kids, saving to buy a house, too far to drive when you are tired (which is the most honest one that won't hurt his feelings).
Really, he didn't invite you until you hinted around that you enjoy poker, so he probably isn't going to care all that much if you can no longer attend.
Standing Evites aren't really anything anyone takes seriously. Just ignore it. If you don't say you're going, your friend won't assume you're coming, most likely. If he asks you if you're coming face to face, just tell him it's not your thing and thank him for including you.
Well first off it's the OP's boss not his friend, so it's not that easy.
The OP lied and said they enjoyed gambling and game nights, so at this point the only way to back out of this now is another lie, the only truthful excuse could be the hour drive to get there. OP could say they're too tired or come up with another reason they can't attend these Friday night events.
OP can't now say "it's not your thing" when they already said they enjoyed it. Because it shows they lied, and the boss may think well what else do the lie about?:think.
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