Leaving company; they want to throw a going-away party; don't want to go. (member, present)

[The Dissenter]

I'm going to leave my company after four years to take a new job. I was more than glad to get away from this company. The company wants to set up a party for my going away before I leave.

The problem, I don't really like most of my coworkers save for 3 or 4. I wanted to do more a private happy hour with just the people I can stand for an hour outside of work. I just don't want all the attention. Should I just decline and what is a creative excuse I can use to get out of this?

[Gfab1]

I think you should just gracefully accept, how long could it last? It would probably be seen as rude if you declined (because frankly it would be rude) and it's better not to burn any bridges at a former job.

[Ro2113]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

I'm going to leave my company after four years to take a new job. I was more than glad to get away from this company. The company wants to set up a party for my going away before I leave.

The problem, I don't really like most of my coworkers save for 3 or 4. I wanted to do more a private happy hour with just the people I can stand for an hour outside of work. I just don't want all the attention. Should I just decline and what is a creative excuse I can use to get out of this?

Who is planning this going away party? Maybe you can find them and tell them it isn't necessary.

[Tracysherm]

I hate that kind of thing too, but I would just suck it up and go to it, because not going would create unnecessary drama. Unfortunately, by NOT attending, you will end up becoming the center of attention too.




Besides, if it's like my workplace, people will pass around a card for you and put money in it, so you'll get a fat card full of cash. If it's at a bar type establishment, you can probably get a night of drinking and food without spending a dime. Hell, you might even get someone to be your designated driver. You can put up with anything for a couple hours, and free alcohol and food will make it easier.

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by TracySam

I hate that kind of thing too, but I would just suck it up and go to it, because not going would create unnecessary drama. Unfortunately, by NOT attending, you will end up becoming the center of attention too.




Besides, if it's like my workplace, people will pass around a card for you and put money in it, so you'll get a fat card full of cash. If it's at a bar type establishment, you can probably get a night of drinking and food without spending a dime. Hell, you might even get someone to be your designated driver. You can put up with anything for a couple hours, and free alcohol and food will make it easier.

Unnecessary drama? For like two days? I can handle that.

I just want to leave this company and get whatever is owed to me monetarily. I don't want sappy goodbyes or none of that crap. Just want to close this chapter in my life without a hassle.

[Tracysherm]

Hmm, be the center of attention for 2 hours (while being showered with free food and booze) or be the center of attention for 2 days with people making a big deal out of you not going.

[M3 Mitch]

Originally Posted by The Dissenter

I'm going to leave my company after four years to take a new job. I was more than glad to get away from this company. The company wants to set up a party for my going away before I leave.

The problem, I don't really like most of my coworkers save for 3 or 4. I wanted to do more a private happy hour with just the people I can stand for an hour outside of work. I just don't want all the attention. Should I just decline and what is a creative excuse I can use to get out of this?

You know, I am going to suggest you "grin and bear it". Perhaps you are better thought of at this company than you realize, and anyway you see the same people over and over again if you have a career in a single industry. I know I have.

So, if you can force yourself to do it, dress well, be at least civil to everyone, go out of the way to be remembered as a "real class act". Smile. Even if drinks are on the house, don't over-indulge. Have a ride home if you are going to drink, in your part of the country this is not that hard to arrange. Maybe even spring for a limo, so their last image of you is a smiling, confident guy waving goodbye and getting into the back of a Town Car. Like he's going places. Which, my friend, I am certain you are!

Beyond that - try to leave as few loose ends as you can, point out to your boss if no one has been designated to take over certain duties. If you can't avoid leaving loose ends, give your boss a list of them. Be willing to take (brief) professional calls to answer any questions that come up after you leave. While the job you had at your old company was not much of a fit, there *are* jobs at this company that will be a good fit for you in the future. Make sure they remember you positively, as a guy they would like to see come back.

I left a couple of jobs I didn't like back in the day, but generally liked my co-workers, or at least didn't hate them. Try not to hold a grudge towards anyone on the old job. Be the adult in the room, if you can't forgive, try to forget. These people are not going to cause you any more grief. Let them go, you need to direct your attention to the positive things that are starting to happen to you, career wise.

You didn't ask, but I'll suggest you avoid badmouthing your old gig, just refuse to do it. You moved on because you were presented with a better opportunity, maybe the old job had real shortcomings, but you need to be too big to talk about them. Just my suggestion, take it or leave it.

Finally. Congratulations on getting a better job that should give you a chance to learn and grow professionally. Try to carry that "honeymoon" attitude as far down the road as you can in this new job. The new job will have some bad moments, some undesirable features, grin and bear these too. Keep your eye on the prize. Become known as "that guy with the GREAT attitude", who generally knows off the top of his head what needs to be done, but is not afraid to admit what he does not know yet, and finds out what he didn't know, but now needs to know, fast!

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by TracySam

Hmm, be the center of attention for 2 hours (while being showered with free food and booze) or be the center of attention for 2 days with people making a big deal out of you not going.

Really people at my company are far too overloaded with work to be bothered to pay attention to me on the job, not that they ever did in the first place.

[CapsChick]

It may be too late. This is something that, in the past, I have handled at the time of my verbal resignation to my supervisor (saying I would prefer not to have a big send-off but something small with just our dept is OK, for example -- or in some cases, saying I wanted no fanfare at all).

At this point I agree with the "grin & bear it" approach. It's a couple of hours of your life, no big deal. Chances are, the people you don't like don't like you either, so maybe they won't show up.

Congratulations on your new job.

[dblackga]

Suck it up, cupcake. I doubt it will last two hours, if they think as highly of you as you do of them. They are probably dreading it, too. Quick drink, accept some sincere (and insincere) goodbyes, lie and say you enjoyed working with them, and move on.