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There are some people who can't stop talking about their kids! I am a parent myself of 3. But sometimes I need some non-kid discussion and I really can't get that from other parents. They will talk non-stop about their child and desperately look for ways to bring up something about their child into any conversation, even discussions about world events, politics, or whatever. They will find a way to turn the whole conversation around so that the focus is on their child. This just seems too self-absorbed to me. I think a lot of parents would do better to realize that even though our world revolves around our kids, not everyone else's life revolves around our kids. I'm not saying nobody should ever mention their child, although I know some posters here will interpret it that way.
Just do what I do: tune them out. That goes for people who won't stop talking about themselves. I know of two people like this. I know someone (a coworker) who talks more than anyone I have ever met in my life. Good grief, that girl can talk. Just listening to her is exhausting. She never pauses for breath! She will talk 30+ minutes nonstop and whoever her captive audience is might not comment at all. It doesn't matter; she continues anyway. I'll listen for a few minutes, then walk away to attend to my duties. Working is more fun than hearing incessant chatter about nothing.
I think people like that have made their lives into something that revolves around their child(ren). They don't talk about anything else because they don't HAVE anything else to talk about. Their identity is their kid.
It can happen. I was stuck there once, and while I had conversations about things other than my kid by virtue of the fact that I read a lot, being her mother was pretty much all I had going for me as far as my identity with the exception of my job. My marriage was bad, I had no money because of my husband's habits, and it seemed the only purpose I had in life was raising my daughter and supporting the family.
After I tossed out the husband, I was seeing a therapist, and he asked me what I did for fun or for interests, outside of working. I started telling him that I was a Girl Scout leader, and that I took turns with someone else at class mother activities by taking vacation days so that I could be the art mother or whatever, and he interrupted me and said, "NO, those are things you do as a mother, what do you do for YOU?" I was speechless at the question. It never occurred to me that I could have a life that was more than motherhood. Fortunately, that was a huge turning point for me to see myself as a person not just in relation to being a mother, wife, employee. I never knew I was allowed to have value just being me.
These people who can only converse about their children are stuck there. They only identify as the mother of <insert name of children>.
I think because I was a childless adult for a long time (I had kids later in life) I believe that helped me learn how to have an identity apart from being a mom. I've had to look for friends who are not parents, in order to have friends.
I also feel same way about facebook and social media. I enjoy seeing pictures of my friends and family on facebook. I really do. But there was one woman on my friend list, who every day, posted several selfies of herself with her toddler daughter. This came into my newsfeed all day long, pic after pic after pic. For a while I didn't care much, then it was really clogging my Facebook newfeed. I unfriended her. (I wasn't close to her anyway). It was almost creepy the way that she would post all those photos of herself with her child, all day long. It made me wonder about her. Is she self-absorbed? Where does she find all the time do all this picture taking? It seemed aggressive to me that she was forcing it on everyone she knew.
I didn't have kids but I've always done LOTS of volunteer work so parents have time to raise their kids. I'm happy to pay taxes for schools, parks, camps, etc. Kids are our future. But parents shouldn't assume everyone is interested in their kid to the exclusion of the rest of the community and world.
You might try talking with people who are 40 and older - their kids are out of the nest. They have raised their kids and have more going on in their lives.
You can find them at clubs (gardening, etc), meet up groups, volunteer work, etc.
I think because I was a childless adult for a long time (I had kids later in life) I believe that helped me learn how to have an identity apart from being a mom. I've had to look for friends who are not parents, in order to have friends.
I also feel same way about facebook and social media. I enjoy seeing pictures of my friends and family on facebook. I really do. But there was one woman on my friend list, who every day, posted several selfies of herself with her toddler daughter. This came into my newsfeed all day long, pic after pic after pic. For a while I didn't care much, then it was really clogging my Facebook newfeed. I unfriended her. (I wasn't close to her anyway). It was almost creepy the way that she would post all those photos of herself with her child, all day long. It made me wonder about her. Is she self-absorbed? Where does she find all the time do all this picture taking? It seemed aggressive to me that she was forcing it on everyone she knew.
Same here. My closest friends are childless. My only is an adult, and I never married or had a real LTR again, so I don't fit in with regular families.
Some of the empty nesters can be the same way. I have one friend who has a son in college now. He is her only child, the apple of her eye. She still talks about him all the time. She ended her long term friendship with a woman, when this woman stopped buying Christmas presents every year for her son around the time he was 19-20 years old. She was telling me about it and wanting support, wanting me to agree with her that it was horrible that her friend wouldn't buy Christmas presents for her son anymore. I didn't know how to support her, because I don't expect my friends to buy stuff for my kids at Christmas time or their birthday. Besides, maybe her friend was cash strapped during the holidays and had to narrow down her gift list.
I think we all know the expectant mom who thinks she is the first woman in the world to be pregnant. Once the precious spawn enters into the world she floods her facebook page with a thousand pics of her newborn genius. Wherever she goes all she talks about is her son/daughter and how smart, advanced, beautiful or gifted they are. Their entire existence is consumed with parenthood. In many cases once the newness of being a parent wears off I tend to see these type of parents cool off and throttle back. Some never do, and those are the ones you have to limit your time with if it becomes a major source of intolerance.
I think because I was a childless adult for a long time (I had kids later in life) I believe that helped me learn how to have an identity apart from being a mom. I've had to look for friends who are not parents, in order to have friends.
I also feel same way about facebook and social media. I enjoy seeing pictures of my friends and family on facebook. I really do. But there was one woman on my friend list, who every day, posted several selfies of herself with her toddler daughter. This came into my newsfeed all day long, pic after pic after pic. For a while I didn't care much, then it was really clogging my Facebook newfeed. I unfriended her. (I wasn't close to her anyway). It was almost creepy the way that she would post all those photos of herself with her child, all day long. It made me wonder about her. Is she self-absorbed? Where does she find all the time do all this picture taking? It seemed aggressive to me that she was forcing it on everyone she knew.
In the future, you can "unfollow" people, instead of unfriending them. This will prevent their posts from showing up in your newsfeed.
Some of the empty nesters can be the same way. I have one friend who has a son in college now. He is her only child, the apple of her eye. She still talks about him all the time. .
That's what one of my aunts was like when her kids got to the age where they were going to college, moving out,...etc. I would say at least half of her Facebook posts were talking about the kids, or posting pics of them when they were little/comparing them to pics of them as adults.
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