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My husband bought our house before I started dating him. It was a foreclosure and needed plenty of work, which he did himself, and it's very nice. He told me his mom made negative comments about it when he bought it. He was pissed but ultimately, it's her problem, not ours.
Act like an adult. That means that you make decisions on your own. You may seek advice or opinions of others, including your parents. But you don't have to. Your money....your house....your decision. What makes your parents think they know more about the best for you than you do?
Being an adult also means you don't care much what gets your mother's panties in a wad. That's her problem. She'll get over it.
Congratulations on your new house. I did the same thing, when I was about 40. I was able to buy a structurally sound, cute cottage (but old and in need of work cosmetically) in a nice neighborhood that appreciated quite a bit over the years. I didn't ask my parents' opinion. Why would I? I looked at a LOT of houses over a year and a half, so I knew much more than anyone else what I could get for the money and what I wanted. It was well within my budget.
I LOVED my house. I spent years making it my own, fixing it up. Truth be told, I never finished because I got too busy at work. But I still loved it. So cute, wonderful location, HUGE yard. I was happy there. I'm sure you will be, too.
Tell your mother that you're grown, now, and capable of making your own decisions. It's hard for some parents to come to terms with that. But they really will get over it.
You aren't going to change her personality. So stop engaging her in conversations about it. If she gets on the phone with you just talk about something totally benign like the weather. Make your own choices and don't listen to judgement from anyone about it because you're the one who is living with your choices and if you're ok with it then that's the only thing that matters.
I know. The problem is
That what triggered this was because I didn't take my folks to look at the house before I signed the contract . I showed my folks after the contract was signed. As I said I was aware of the fixes going forward with the house. My dad is ok with this . He will talk to me but my mom on the other hand. Is she jealous of me or something ? What is going on in her mind about this?
Your mother is a NARCISSIST. Narcies hate things that are not about them.
Read-up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This is a TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE of a narcissist's reaction, if you ask me.
Congratulations on the house! Don't let anyone spoil your happiness.
I am guessing from reading your post that you are from another culture and your family has not been here for generations. That could be a big part of your mom's issue. She seems to think she should have a part in all your decisions. What's done is done and she will calm down in time. You can probably help her come around sooner if you ignore her, and cut out the suffering. Sounds harsh but what she seems to want is to punish you for making your own choices.
Be deliriously happy whenever you speak to your father. Tell him all sorts of great things are happening in your life. And *I* would tell dad that I met someone and we are dating quite seriously. Mom will be all over you in no time! BTW...if this does happen and you are serious about someone, she WILL try to submarine your relationship. Consider yourself warned!
Best of luck!
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