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I was raised by a family of people who believe, and I am serious, that as a black person I am: Straight, strong, and date only black people.
None of my family really know, besides my grandmother who told my aunts who don't believe her until they see me, that I am bisexual, a trans-man, and date other races.
So I know when I come out to them, because I am sick and tired of hiding who I really am, I will be disowned and probably lose everyone. I might even be beaten as my uncles and cousins all told me, when I was younger, that they will "beat a<delete> tranny on sight" and that includes me.
I have strong ties to them as well. My grandmother is a sister to all my aunts and uncles, helping raise most of my cousins (aunts and uncles are all actually great aunts and uncles). My mom was raised by my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was the only one to be raised by them as well. Everyone who I am very close to on my moms side helped change my diapers, teach me to walk and talk, and (attempted to) shape me into who I am today. However, due to that, I had issues growing up and between 12-17 repressed who I was and was dangerously depressed and suicidal. Now I'm happy, my depression is almost unnoticeable, and my anxiety issues have practically disappeared. But my mental health and personal happiness in life is at the cost of my entire moms side of my family. Including my mother, because she is even unaware I am actually on hormones and looking at surgery.
Now a "friend", who is no longer that, actually suggested me just dropping my identity, staying a woman, and just dating guys. I refuse to go back to those days. I was depressed and suicidal then, I will go straight back to being that way.
I know this is a lot, however, but any advice besides that would be much appreciated. I will most likely let them know in the coming weeks, leading up to me seeing them as apparently telling them on the phone doesn't count. This will not be for another two months but I need to mentally prepare for the <delete>storm I am about to go through.
Thanks a lot for reading this, I tried to keep it short.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 07-20-2016 at 06:29 AM..
Reason: filtered words
However, due to that, I had issues growing up and between 12-17 repressed who I was and was dangerously depressed and suicidal. Now I'm happy, my depression is almost unnoticeable, and my anxiety issues have practically disappeared. But my mental health and personal happiness in life is at the cost of my entire moms side of my family. Including my mother, because she is even unaware I am actually on hormones and looking at surgery.
Read the bolded part of what you wrote. That is key.
Do not go into that nest if you are unsure if they will physically hurt you.
Visit your mom one-on-one alone (maybe with your grandmother there, since she knows). Let the others go for right now. Let your grandmother and mother be your ambassadors with the rest of the family. This part may take a while. This is what happens when people are exposed to gays, transexuals, etc. in the people they actually know. They figure out that they are just people. Remember that even Darth Vader Cheney all-of-a-sudden became more pro-gay, once his own daughter came out. Some people have to be slapped in the face that the "others" are just people.
I was raised by a family of people who believe, and I am serious, that as a black person I am: Straight, strong, and date only black people.
yeah, ok no biggie.
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None of my family really know, besides my grandmother who told my aunts who don't believe her until they see me, that I am bisexual, a trans-man, and date other races. So I know when I come out to them, because I am sick and tired of hiding who I really am, I will be disowned and probably lose everyone. I might even be beaten as my uncles and cousins all told me, when I was younger, that they will "beat a tranny on sight" and that includes me.
How old are you? I am not sure what you mean Tranny, or coming out to them. are you a male dressing as a female or vice versa? and you don't see how that would alarm them (considering it is not Halloween)? why are you even mentioning sex to your parents? not that it's bad but knowing it goes against their beliefs, sheesh have some respect. Whether you are bisexual or not, that is private. I am bisexual myself but there is no need to talk about my private sexuality with my parents, nor do I want to hear about theirs as well. Not saying it is wrong or right but clearly your situation allows for one choice, keep your sexuality to yourself. I do not hide anything about myself, I just don't rub it in their faces.
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I have strong ties to them as well. My grandmother is a sister to all my aunts and uncles, helping raise most of my cousins (aunts and uncles are all actually great aunts and uncles). My mom was raised by my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was the only one to be raised by them as well. Everyone who I am very close to on my moms side helped change my diapers, teach me to walk and talk, and (attempted to) shape me into who I am today.
Alot of people have alot invested in you versus most of us raised by two parents. Interesting
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However, due to that, I had issues growing up and between 12-17 repressed who I was and was dangerously depressed and suicidal.
I can't comment on that except to say being raised by a group of people is not the norm and appears to go against nature, not in a bad way... just not the typical way people and animals raise their young. So when things deviate so far from nature, it is understandable it could have a profound effect on you and not in a good way. Not your fault but you said Mom was also raised that way. Too bad she didn't break the cycle.
I am sorry you didn't have an intact mother and father to take on the parental responsibilities. Instead they shurked their duty to you and put it on many people. I am also sorry to hear you were suicidal, that must've been rough.
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Now I'm happy, my depression is almost unnoticeable, and my anxiety issues have practically disappeared. But my mental health and personal happiness in life is at the cost of my entire moms side of my family. Including my mother, because she is even unaware I am actually on hormones and looking at surgery.
Ok so you are putting dangerous drugs into yourself in order to live out a day to day life as someone you are not.
I am not sure what you mean you've felt better and it could now be at the cost of your entire moms family. You are doing drugs which have a profound effect on your body and are considering mutilating it. Please don't. My guess is...They are certainly not going to be happy you are abusing your body this way if they love you. They cannot give you a blessing to do so, nor would I. These are your parents, and family, not your minions who will act as you desire no matter the consequences to you. Please do not cause your body more deformity. Please get help instead. Stop focusing on you except to get this under control ok?
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Now a "friend", who is no longer that
why is your "friend" not your friend anymore?
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, actually suggested me just dropping my identity, staying a woman, and just dating guys.
What? Your friend suggested you KEEP your identity as a woman, not drop it. You have that backwards.
What kind of a friend would she be to have you go around pretending to be what you are not, and abusing your body, even considering deformity?
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I refuse to go back to those days. I was depressed and suicidal then, I will go straight back to being that way.
First you say above you refuse to go back to being depressed and suicidal yet in the same sentence saying you will go back there. I suggest you try NOT to go back there. We all become depressed, and some have considered suicide, yes. But you almost sound like you are making an ultimatum for yourself in which you cannot win. Stop it.
If you want to "not go back there" then get help. Get support from FRIENDS, don't make them former friends when they support you and want to do what is best for you. You hurt them by dropping them as friends because they aren't your slaves telling you what you want to hear. That is selfish and cruel. Otherwise just go out and make a sign asking for enemies. Your enemies will be selfish enough to have you indulge in every fantasy and whim,no matter the ramifications on your body, your loved ones, or your mental state. They will tell you to go get every surgery for everything you don't like about yourself, embrace you taking drugs, alteingr your body to a state of maiming it. They will support you to NOT to accept who you REALLY ARE.
Honestly you sound as if you want to be suicidal or something. Crazy yes but some of the things you say just result in you deciding to become that way if you don't get your way. Regarding your mothers family, I sure hope you don't make a spectacle out of yourself coming up in some weird halloweeen outfit as a deliberate attempt to dis-respect them. Just show up and be your mothers son, stop making it all about you.
If you ever get depressed, there are suicide hotlines. Also PLEASE do not alter your body, avoid drugs, and eat organic. Eat healthy and exercise. It really helped me when I went into a depression when nothing else did. I also volunteered at a hospital and saw people worse off. It brought out the best in me, focused on others instead of my own pain. Pain can cause us to be very self centered. These people who were sicker actually healed me, I am still very sad sometimes but nothing like I was. It was replaced with appreciation for life, family and friends instead. I wish you all the best, hang in there. So glad to hear you are not depressed, or as depressed as you were.
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Last edited by Miss Blue; 07-20-2016 at 06:32 AM..
Since you mentioned "trans-man" I'm assuming you are an adult.
You owe bigots nothing and I suggest you distance yourself from those violent religious people you speak of, relatives or not. Live your life and don't worry about what the haters say.
As an adult you make the decisions on who to associate with regardless of any family ties.
Alert multiple authorities if your life is in danger. Assault against adults is a crime.
OP, I'm so sorry your family is so hateful. I'll have my fingers crossed that someone bucks the trend and keeps in contact with you. Do you have a strong support system of friends and adopted family?
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Originally Posted by Mattie
What is the impetus for even telling them? Are you hoping for a different reaction than what you've been led to expect?
He's on hormones, eventually they're going to figure it out.
Read the bolded part of what you wrote. That is key.
Do not go into that nest if you are unsure if they will physically hurt you.
Visit your mom one-on-one alone (maybe with your grandmother there, since she knows). Let the others go for right now. Let your grandmother and mother be your ambassadors with the rest of the family. This part may take a while. This is what happens when people are exposed to gays, transexuals, etc. in the people they actually know. They figure out that they are just people. Remember that even Darth Vader Cheney all-of-a-sudden became more pro-gay, once his own daughter came out. Some people have to be slapped in the face that the "others" are just people.
This is great advice. Start with your mother and grandmother, don't make a huge mob announcement. Are there any cousins you think might be more accepting?
Don't tell the whole hive at once. The hive will often think differently than the way individuals will. Your grandmother already knows. Tell your mom next. Give it time for your situation to penetrate their minds and for them to get used to it. They will tell the rest of the family.
Then gradually, in time, you tell the rest of your relatives - one by one- not as a group. Tell them over the phone before you tell them in person. Let who you are transitioning to sink into their minds. Your family seems very set in their ways . This seems like a group that needs a lot of time to process information that is against their beliefs. Give them space and time to do so.
Do this slowly and you may find that a few of them may accept you fairly soon and others may come come around eventually. Some may never accept you. Avoid those who have suggested violence against you. You may have to just write those people out of your life.
Whatever you do, don't tell the family at a group gathering. In a group, there are always more dominant personalities. The weaker minds will bend to the thoughts of the stronger. That sort of situation may not go well for you. However, if you tell people quietly and individually, it will give them the opportunity to respond as individuals.
Also, prepare yourself for the idea that you may have to discard most of your family. But do what is best for yourself. Keep your future in your mind, not your past.
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