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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
But that's what I'm saying. You're so fearful. You're so sure this person is going to use "ammo" against the OP. Why? Because she joked around the way people do (especially if they're flirting), this means she's watching carefully, preying on him, waiting for any reaction she can later "use against" him?
Because of joking around???
You're seeing maliciousness where there isn't any, IMO. Yes, that's sad. It says a lot about your communication style and your friendship style. It must be VERY hard to be your friend. Me, I'd be constantly afraid you'd freak out and get angry and offended over nothing. We wouldn't be friends long, I'd quietly disappear.
I'm sure if the OP is giving any sort of similar feeling to this woman (he keeps saying he "laughed it off" and she seems to be trying to be a good sport now and keep laughing too, but if he deliberately sought her out just to bring it up that says a lot), she's not sitting there laughingly racking up future "ammo," she's more likely just starting to think, "Why am I friends with this guy?" and he'll probably get his wish - she'll back off, all right.
I just find this whole thing sad...not just that the OP feels this angry over friendliness and laughter and NORMAL banter, but that he's now getting support from others on the forum about how right he is, and how he'd better be very careful not to give coworkers "ammo." He was paranoid enough to begin with, Dissenter! Good going.
This thread is not about me. I was offering my perspective as someone who had to learn the rules of playing in a super competitive office environment the hard way. I think the OP is overreacting and didn't have the right reaction. Will the woman in question use this experience against the OP? Probably not. The potential exists however. I don't know what field you work in but my field and in my locality, it is super cut-throat and you better learn to how play the office game with care if you want a chance in hell at a career.
Oh sorry I've missed that " she brought up the girlfriend thing again " part...
To save me trawling through the entire thread would you mind telling me please?
Thank you
He went to her desk to say that after a major relocation, he was low on funds, hence the cheap lunches, and she started pushing the gf thing, and kept at it. He had to walk away, because she wouldn't let go of it.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by renter16
I didn't confront her I went to her cubicle to joke about my lunch and that's when she brought up the girlfriend thing again
I would have left it alone after the lunchroom. No need to bring it up again. You gave her another opportunity to subject you to a questionable reaction.
He went to her desk to say that after a major relocation, he was low on funds, hence the cheap lunches, and she started pushing the gf thing, and kept at it. He had to walk away, because she wouldn't let go of it.
I didn't see it this way...HE brought it back up, she answered.
He went back over to her desk specifically to bring the subject back up again along with details (as you show above) and she made one more joke. Keeping it light, obviously. Or trying to. He added details and she made another joke. I'll bet she gets by now how uncomfortable he is and she thinks somehow if she keeps joking around he'll lighten up, but she's wrong.
He's the one pushing this issue and being unable to let it go.
She didn't approach him to bring anything back up.
He went to her desk to say that after a major relocation, he was low on funds, hence the cheap lunches, and she started pushing the gf thing, and kept at it. He had to walk away, because she wouldn't let go of it.
Thank you
I still think it's banter overall .... But maybe ( based on this ) it's just a nudge or trying to encourage him and most probably didn't actually mean any harm as such.
RE JerZ post.... If THATS the case then it's definitely banter and he's overreacting
Oh sorry I've missed that " she brought up the girlfriend thing again " part...
To save me trawling through the entire thread would you mind telling me please?
Thank you
No just saying maybe I could a lady friend and I said dating is costly and that's when she said what if she is gainfully employed? I explained that I just have friends I see on ocassions but nothing too serious
Wow. I think she was making lighthearted conversation.
Do you often have a hard time interpreting tones of voice and understanding when people are joking or using sarcasm? Do facial expressions confuse you?
Do you not understand that criticisms (or revelations) said in groups are much different than remarks said one on one? You've probably never been a supervisor or lead because only bad supervisors embarrass an employee in front of other people.
Would it be OK if the OP turned the tables and said stuff like: "Hey Sally, maybe you'd have a boyfriend if you weren't obese from eating crap at lunch."
No just saying maybe I could a lady friend and I said dating is costly and that's when she said what if she is gainfully employed? I explained that I just have friends I see on ocassions but nothing too serious
So...she was trying to have a conversation with you.
A normal, friendly conversation.
Based on what YOU brought up and per YOUR parameters.
OMG.
THAT B*TCH.
Why on earth do you even associate with these people...
I still think it's banter overall .... But maybe ( based on this ) it's just a nudge or trying to encourage him and most probably didn't actually mean any harm as such.
RE JerZ post.... If THATS the case then it's definitely banter and he's overreacting
Yes, it's hard to tell. I guess I'm seeing it more from the OP's perspective.
But there's another note here I just thought of. If he had just told the co-worker he'd been through a relocation to their city, why would he be expected to have a girlfriend, anyway? Maybe this is just the way some people banter, but it seems a bit persistent. Oh well. I have no idea. But I'm also viewing it in the broader context of his office-mates lecturing him daily on the nutritional/health pitfalls of his lunch choices. His annoyance had already been building for awhile.
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