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I have a close friend though I have put some distance between us because of her behaviour. I've always thought that there is something "different" with her compared to any other friend I've had. But in the recent years I've questioned her behaviour even more; she can be negative, very jealous, manipulative and insulting. There are insulting things that she has done or said and some of the comments have been so "sneaky" that only afterwards I have figured out that her actual point was to insult me.
Some time ago I invited her and couple of other friends to have some wine and snacks at my place, I told the specific friend that I've just some wine to serve, she answered me that it is totally fine and nothing else is needed! (since our plan was to head to bar afterwards)
Fiends appeared in my place around 10 PM, and the friend came with a self baked cake. (The type of cake which doesn't require much effort or time but I was still a bit amazed.) For example once in a similar kind of friend gathering I had baked some pastry and she made a comment that it looked so nice....as I obviously have so much more time, as she is so busy with her life so she has to settle for "ready pastry". Yeah, obviously true as I was jobless back then but just as an example how she seems to be unable to pay a compliment without a little insult in it.)
I know this is ridiculously small thing and it was totally informal evening of meeting friends at my place but I just can't help my self thinking about what (actually) was her point. If any other brought a cake I'd just be grateful of the effort and think that she wanted to delight as I didn't have much to serve. But with her it just makes me feel that her pursuit was to embarrass me and have attention to herself. I just find it weird that firstly she says that it's totally okay not having anything besides wine but then she shows up with a cake even though she hardly ever bakes and it was supposed to be just a moment before heading to bar. I know I sound crazy and over-dramatic but I just think this was just an other attempt to make herself look better at my expense. What do you think?
I don't get the problem. So she showed up with a cake. That seems rather nice of her. It's not like she showed up with the cake and announced "I spent the afternoon making this because I just knew that Fallish wouldn't have bothered to have any food for us."
Yes, I think you're over thinking it and overreacting. Perhaps her point was that she was craving some cake and didn't want to make a whole cake just for herself and thought it would be nice to share with some friends.
I don't get the problem. So she showed up with a cake. That seems rather nice of her. It's not like she showed up with the cake and announced "I spent the afternoon making this because I just knew that Fallish wouldn't have bothered to have any food for us."
Yes, I think you're over thinking it and overreacting. Perhaps her point was that she was craving some cake and didn't want to make a whole cake just for herself and thought it would be nice to share with some friends.
Umm, might be the case that I'm crazy and overanalyzing her actions as she has treated me quite badly and we see somewhat rarely nowadays. But if I was invited to someone's place I could ask that is there something I could bring, I wouldn't just show up with a cake, I think it'd embarassing. I didn't actually say that I have just wine but that I have "nothing special" and plan was to buy some strawberries along with wine and snacks but she showed up early so didn't have time. As said if any other friend would have came with a cake, I wouldn't obviously think anything bad :-D Actually I think it's somewhat like this : "I spent the afternoon making this because I just knew that Fallish wouldn't have bothered to have any food for us." In addition, obviously didn't say anything about it just happend to think now afterwards that was her kind gesture really genuine as they haven't earlier always been. Also, forgot to mention that she brought some picnic sandwiches along with the cake but the sandwiches were only to herself which I think was very attention seeking behaviour. Firstly says that nothing is needed then shows up with a cake and sandwiches to herself.
You're still overthinking it. Let it go. Sometimes a cake is just a cake.
Also, forgot to mention that she brought some picnic sandwiches along with the cake but the sandwiches were only to herself which I think was very attention seeking behaviour. Firstly says that nothing is needed then shows up with a cake and sandwiches to herself.
And sandwiches are just sandwiches? Yeah, I was just thinking as tend to analyze this person's behaviour lately overall.
I think you're looking for trouble. She made the effort -- in short, she's damned if she does, and damned if she doesn't.
A LOT of females feel guilty if they don't produce home-made goods -- her explanation that she was busy,busy,busy would support that. She was being a good guest and bringing a snack, and probably felt that you would be looking down on her if she brought store-bought crackers or cookies, so she made the extra effort and brought a home-baked cake -- and even that isn't good enough for you, since you have to sorta sneer at that, too, by saying it's not a "real" home-baked cake.
Also, forgot to mention that she brought some picnic sandwiches along with the cake but the sandwiches were only to herself which I think was very attention seeking behaviour. Firstly says that nothing is needed then shows up with a cake and sandwiches to herself.
And sandwiches are just sandwiches? Yeah, I was just thinking as tend to analyze this person's behaviour lately overall.
It's obvious why she brought the sandwiches.
She didn't want to have her cake...and eat it, too.
I was raised to always bring something if I have been invited to someone's house. Whether it's a cake or a bottle of wine or a scented candle or flowers, something! In my family it's considered rude to show up at someone's house empty handed. So if I invited friends over and someone brought a cake, I would think that was a nice gesture on their part and I certainly wouldn't be looking for anterior motives about it.
Maybe you're still not sharing the core of the issue here because I'm still not seeing what she did was wrong and worthy of an angry post about it on CD.
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