Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It is obvious that nobody is obligated to attend a wedding. If I didn't want to attend, however, I'd have to be sure that I would not ever want or need to invite them to any special events of my own. In other words, I'd have to feel fairly sure the friendship had concluded and there was no other need for the person to be in my life. If someone has moved far away, I am more likely to decide there's no more need for us to attend each other's events.
Also, don't sweat it because the person may have invited simply out of politeness and nothing more.
We are in the same situation with a nephew's step daughter's wedding, 600 miles away. We ain't going, because we don't want to spend the time and money, since we just saw everyone in the spring, but we will make it sound like the timing just won't allow us to go.
We sent a nice gift, but we will send our regrets. Do not over explain.
So true, you just can't make it. I posted earlier(and did a thread about it awhile back) on a "friend's" daughters wedding I was invited to in MA, and I live in CA.
I should have just said can't make it, instead I played the expense card( I could have swung it, but didn't want to go as the friendship has become very one sided). Well that was met with a debate.
I sent a gift, but my "friend" never said thank you. I asked via email if it was received(a gift card and I was concerned about theft), she said "yes it was received, you will get a formal thank you soon", it's her kid, just couldn't say back "thanks, that was nice of you to do", and now I'm getting the cold shoulder, fine, it just proves not going was the right decision.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Veronicka
People come and go in life and at one time she was an important part of your life. You don't stop being friends because you have moved on and you never see each other. It is friends who never see each other. Christmas card friends, or think about friends.
You might consider her an old friend. She is not a current friend but she invited you to her wedding because you are old friends. That was nice.
You don't have to attend, that is what R.S.V.P. is for. In my opinion, you don't even have to send a gift, but send your best wishes. That is all that is required.
I used to love going to weddings because they were usually fun parties. If you don't want to go, or it is inconvenient, then don't go but you might have fun.
Actually people do stop being friends. It's ridiculous to think you're still friends with someone(other than if they died) if you never see them, never talk to them, don't know where they live now, and couldn't even begin to locate them.
Some friendships do end.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
There are plenty of reasons not to like weddings. I'm single (happily, btw), but I'm also a non-drinker and find that they can just be torture as the evening goes on, particularly if there is an open bar and dinner isn't served for a few hours after the ceremony. If it's a close friend who lives within close driving distance, I will attend, but other than that, I usually decline. That's not where I want to spend my money or vacation time since I usually find the experience to be pure torture. The last couple of weddings I've been invited to attend were destination weddings thousands of miles away at all-inclusive resorts (not reasonably priced for single people), that would have probably costs me $3000+ to attend, so I politely declined those invites.
=
I hear ya, my wedding invite would have cost me around $2,000 from CA to MA. Sorry, I can think of better ways to spend that kind of money, or go somewhere I really want to go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southlander
I was delightfully surprised when a couple of old friends attended my wedding many years ago. I would loved to have talked to them at length that day, but just could not. If you don't want to go,
Send a gift with a thoughtful, nostalgic note.
Because unless it is a very small wedding, the bride and groom as well as the parents get about 5 minutes with each guest.
Which is why you don't go if you don't know anyone else there. And not if you have to travel at great expense and time, to say "congrats" and talk for a few minutes.....no thanks.
It is obvious that nobody is obligated to attend a wedding. If I didn't want to attend, however, I'd have to be sure that I would not ever want or need to invite them to any special events of my own. In other words, I'd have to feel fairly sure the friendship had concluded and there was no other need for the person to be in my life. If someone has moved far away, I am more likely to decide there's no more need for us to attend each other's events.
Also, don't sweat it because the person may have invited simply out of politeness and nothing more.
I really don't think anyone is going to take a person declining a wedding invite THAT seriously. I've had close friends decline a wedding where the bride was a bridesmaid in their weddings and while the bride was understandably really hurt, she got over it after a few months and the friendship resumed.
If you simply are not that close friends now, the expense of attending a wedding (having to buy a dress and a gift and possibly travel somewhere) just might not be worth it. If you were really friends, you'd make time for each other OUTSIDE the wedding. Period. The wedding is just one day of many. Yes it is special, but if a close friend is unable to attend, she might be able to assist in other ways as friends do. That's far important in the overall scheme of friendship than showing up at a wedding.
It is probably a situation of a catch 22 for the bride. If she didn't invite you, she may be concerned you would be offended. That being said, some people really do get upset when people do not show for their wedding, so if you don't go then this may be the end of the friendship for both of you.
I personally don't like weddings. I am in a happy marriage and don't dislike anyone entering marriage. I simply do not like the events. I find them to be expensive to attend, don't care for large crowds and it just makes me feel anxious as you end up at a table with people you don't know. Honestly, I'd rather send a stellar gift. The last wedding I went to was for my cousin. The date she chose was the same date as when I got married.
During the evening she surprised us by telling the DJ to call us out from the crowd and have us start a small dance to announce our wedding anniversary. It was a very sweet gesture on her part but for someone like me, who can't dance very well AND hates being the center of attention, it was a little bit of a nightmare.
With the divorce rate so high these days, weddings just aren't like they used to be. Sorry to say but when I attend them these days, in the back of my mind I am wondering how long it's going to last. My cousin's daughter just married for the second time this past January. She's 28 and this is her second marriage, her first one lasted about a year. We all knew it wasn't a good match despite the two knowing each other for 5 years and I found it hard to be enthusiastic for the marriage.
She just announced last weekend they're getting divorced. They been married 7 months.
My coworker asked all of us to attend her wedding last month. We work in a small office and are very tight knit, and at first all five of us were quite enthusiastic about going. But soon after she invited us she realized she had way over spent on the lavish affair and told us we couldn't bring our significant others. I then declined to go, as did the other office staff. We felt offended at the uninvite of those closest to us. Wedding etiquette is a sticky thing. You don't have to know the person well to attend, but there should be a sincere invitation extended for the invited person, IMO.
With the divorce rate so high these days, weddings just aren't like they used to be. Sorry to say but when I attend them these days, in the back of my mind I am wondering how long it's going to last. My cousin's daughter just married for the second time this past January. She's 28 and this is her second marriage, her first one lasted about a year. We all knew it wasn't a good match despite the two knowing each other for 5 years and I found it hard to be enthusiastic for the marriage.
She just announced last weekend they're getting divorced. They been married 7 months.
I have to admit that that is another reason I'm apprehensive about this wedding. Apart from the fact that our friendship isn't what it used to be I have my doubts about the marriage and whether they are actually a happy couple. Her fiance has already cheated on her and in general is a jerk. I kind of suspect she is marrying him because she is so desperate to fulfill her dream of a family and a house in the burbs that she would be willing to settle for someone who treats her poorly.
It is probably a situation of a catch 22 for the bride. If she didn't invite you, she may be concerned you would be offended. That being said, some people really do get upset when people do not show for their wedding, so if you don't go then this may be the end of the friendship for both of you.
I personally don't like weddings. I am in a happy marriage and don't dislike anyone entering marriage. I simply do not like the events. I find them to be expensive to attend, don't care for large crowds and it just makes me feel anxious as you end up at a table with people you don't know. Honestly, I'd rather send a stellar gift. The last wedding I went to was for my cousin. The date she chose was the same date as when I got married.
During the evening she surprised us by telling the DJ to call us out from the crowd and have us start a small dance to announce our wedding anniversary. It was a very sweet gesture on her part but for someone like me, who can't dance very well AND hates being the center of attention, it was a little bit of a nightmare.
Yes, they can get upset. But if they treat you like that, you were never really friends to begin with.
Why does anyone feel obligated to attend a wedding, unless it's of a very close family member? Over 20 years ago I was a poor college student & felt obligated to attend the wedding of a friend, despite the fact that it was quite expensive to go & I didn't have the money. I regretted doing so, and will never do this again. I think most weddings are nothing more than gift-grabs, anyway. Screw them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228
With the divorce rate so high these days, weddings just aren't like they used to be. Sorry to say but when I attend them these days, in the back of my mind I am wondering how long it's going to last. My cousin's daughter just married for the second time this past January. She's 28 and this is her second marriage, her first one lasted about a year. We all knew it wasn't a good match despite the two knowing each other for 5 years and I found it hard to be enthusiastic for the marriage.
She just announced last weekend they're getting divorced. They been married 7 months.
Not surprised by this at all. The divorce rate in this country is over 50%. Yet another reason I think weddings are pointless, and this is one of the many reasons I'm not planning on going to any more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks
My coworker asked all of us to attend her wedding last month. We work in a small office and are very tight knit, and at first all five of us were quite enthusiastic about going. But soon after she invited us she realized she had way over spent on the lavish affair and told us we couldn't bring our significant others. I then declined to go, as did the other office staff. We felt offended at the uninvite of those closest to us. Wedding etiquette is a sticky thing. You don't have to know the person well to attend, but there should be a sincere invitation extended for the invited person, IMO.
I would never even consider attending a wedding of a co-worker. I see enough of these people at work, so don't need to see them outside of work in any kind of social capacity. I work in a huge corporation with over 800 people, and keep my distance from most of them. Thankfully, the few I know who have gotten married (since I started working with them) have had very small weddings where only family & extremely close friends were invited, no co-workers. It's just as well, since if I had been invited I wouldn't have gone anyway.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 09-08-2016 at 06:13 PM..
Sounds a little crazy, but maybe a good wedding gift for those on a second, third, or whatever wedding is a card with a note offering part of the legal fees if they ever divorce. Payable upon filing of the petition. Or just send nothing and keep what you would have spent on a gift in a safe or bank account to give to the couple if they split up. The money comes in much more handily then than being spent on a third toaster. Totally twisted but totally true for some couples!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
