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A gift is also something you shouldn't be dictating to people either.
How is it different? Honeyfund takes a percentage off what you "donate". For example if you gave a $100 towards the "honeymoon fund", the couple gets $97. You think these wedding websites work for free?
You give a gift card for a $100 directly to the couple in a card, they get a $100 gift card, not a $97 one.
Yes, and two 30 year olds who make over 100K between them can afford a down payment on a house.
Don't ask people to donate to funds.
How about someone turn around and says "sure, and you can donate to my I want to go to Hawaii and used my mortgage payment to pay for the plane fare fund".
I also would like to know what is acceptable to you. It sounds like your word is the one that matters. Look, over time, what is acceptable and what is not changes and I am sure 50-100 years from now, what some people see as "tacky" will be commonplace. (Like websites for funds.) By the time we're all dead, something new will come along that older people will complain about and younger people will start doing. Tale as old as time.
Depending on where you live, two people @ 30 years old making 50K each doesn't get you very far AT ALL. Take a high COLA and add in the fact that tons of people that age have significant student debt, and they aren't saving very much at all.
Here is how my situation went down: My husband and I paid for our wedding OURSELVES. We used our own money. We did not go into debt for a thing. I made no registry, since we'd lived together for three years at that point, I didn't need more crap for the one bedroom apartment we would be stuck in forever. I did not have an engagement party or bridal shower. I didn't care if people brought me anything. I knew most people would give cash or check, because that is how it is not only in my region but how our families generally roll.
Even if couples don't live together before they get married, individuals are usually out of their parents' houses and living on their own or with a roommate. They already have stuff. They don't need more silverware or China they'll never use. Times change. So yes, even if "wedding gifts were originally intended to help the couple set up housekeeping. Not to go off on some expensive trip," we're living in different times where people are in different circumstances.
I also would like to know what is acceptable to you. It sounds like your word is the one that matters. Look, over time, what is acceptable and what is not changes and I am sure 50-100 years from now, what some people see as "tacky" will be commonplace. (Like websites for funds.) By the time we're all dead, something new will come along that older people will complain about and younger people will start doing. Tale as old as time.
Depending on where you live, two people @ 30 years old making 50K each doesn't get you very far AT ALL. Take a high COLA and add in the fact that tons of people that age have significant student debt, and they aren't saving very much at all.
Here is how my situation went down: My husband and I paid for our wedding OURSELVES. We used our own money. We did not go into debt for a thing. I made no registry, since we'd lived together for three years at that point, I didn't need more crap for the one bedroom apartment we would be stuck in forever. I did not have an engagement party or bridal shower. I didn't care if people brought me anything. I knew most people would give cash or check, because that is how it is not only in my region but how our families generally roll.
Even if couples don't live together before they get married, individuals are usually out of their parents' houses and living on their own or with a roommate. They already have stuff. They don't need more silverware or China they'll never use. Times change. So yes, even if "wedding gifts were originally intended to help the couple set up housekeeping. Not to go off on some expensive trip," we're living in different times where people are in different circumstances.
People just can't win, really. There will always be someone there to criticize every decision they make about their wedding. Personally, when I am invited to a wedding of someone I care about, I WANT to give them a gift and help them celebrate because it's fun and exciting and I am happy for them. I usually bring cash because it's easy and what most people want (but if they ask for it in any form they are tacky). Registries and honeymoon or down payment funds are all a little grabby, but if that's what the couple would like then I am happy to help them out.
Maybe it doesn't bother me as much because I don't get invited to many weddings and I don't feel obligated to attend. I skipped the wedding of a family member I don't like (on my husband's side) and I didn't send a gift. If I go to a wedding, I at least like the person who invited me and I just go with the flow. If that means the typical church wedding and big reception with rubber chicken, so be it. If that means an outdoor wedding followed by dinner at a steakhouse and games at Dave & Buster's, awesome.
You must be really fun at parties...lol. It seems a couple can't win with you. If they register, they are asking for gifts and that's wrong. If they create honey fund accounts they are wrong. If they don't register they are wrong.
I feel bad for couple's that invite you to their wedding. They probably hope you don't go but invite you anyway because you seem like the person that would complain about getting invited but would get mad if you didn't get invited.
So you're being self-righteous in accusing others of self-righteousness, right?
Here's the deal. A guest is under no obligation to give a gift, either a place setting or a trip to Maui. But there is an enormous gulf between a time-honored custom of supplying a new couple with its material needs and just passing the hat for the newlyweds to loll about on a tropical beach.
This is especially true since the honeymoon is supposed to be the obligation of the groom. In that sense, begging for funds signals their eyes are bigger than their financial stomach. "Can't afford to go to France for two weeks, honey. Unless, of course, we guilt our friend and family into paying for it!"
By the way, I don't think anybody is really all that offended. And the raising an eyebrow by someone who simply thinks it is not the spirit of the original custom is not a character flaw. That's just a figment of your imagination.
So you're being self-righteous in accusing others of self-righteousness, right?
Here's the deal. A guest is under no obligation to give a gift, either a place setting or a trip to Maui. But there is an enormous gulf between a time-honored custom of supplying a new couple with its material needs and just passing the hat for the newlyweds to loll about on a tropical beach.
This is especially true since the honeymoon is supposed to be the obligation of the groom. In that sense, begging for funds signals their eyes are bigger than their financial stomach. "Can't afford to go to France for two weeks, honey. Unless, of course, we guilt our friend and family into paying for it!"
By the way, I don't think anybody is really all that offended. And the raising an eyebrow by someone who simply thinks it is not the spirit of the original custom is not a character flaw. That's just a figment of your imagination.
I wasn't talking to you but you seem really fun at parties too. LOL
I personally don't like the honeyfund either as I do agree it seems like a gift grab what I was referring to is that poster seems really agitated regardless of what a couple does. If they register...he's annoyed. If they don't...he's annoyed.
I've never received wedding invitations with registry instructions or with honeyfunds. That's usually something that is spread word of mouth if the guest wants to give a gift. No one is required to give a gift. Personally, if I like a couple, I will gladly give them a gift (regardless of what that gift is--cash, hone fund donation, gift off of registry). If I'm less fond of them, I'm likely not to attend at all and honestly don't feel obligated to send a gift either.
I wasn't talking to you but you seem really fun at parties too. LOL
I personally don't like the honeyfund either as I do agree it seems like a gift grab what I was referring to is that poster seems really agitated regardless of what a couple does. If they register...he's annoyed. If they don't...he's annoyed.
I've never received wedding invitations with registry instructions or with honeyfunds. That's usually something that is spread word of mouth if the guest wants to give a gift. No one is required to give a gift. Personally, if I like a couple, I will gladly give them a gift (regardless of what that gift is--cash, hone fund donation, gift off of registry). If I'm less fond of them, I'm likely not to attend at all and honestly don't feel obligated to send a gift either.
Actually, I am. Not the lampshade wearing variety, but someone who pulls his weight as a guest.
People just can't win, really. There will always be someone there to criticize every decision they make about their wedding. Personally, when I am invited to a wedding of someone I care about, I WANT to give them a gift and help them celebrate because it's fun and exciting and I am happy for them. I usually bring cash because it's easy and what most people want (but if they ask for it in any form they are tacky). Registries and honeymoon or down payment funds are all a little grabby, but if that's what the couple would like then I am happy to help them out.
That's the funny thing that happens when all of this wedding judgement is going on. People seem to forget that it's supposed to be a celebration of two people starting a life together surrounded by all of their family and friends. So what if it's a potluck? So what if there's a food truck? So what if they ask people to bring cookies in lieu of a cake? So what if they'd rather have a donation to charity rather than a gift? People all of a sudden clutch their pearls and act they're they're part of gilded age aristocracy, like "how dare they not provide me with a 3-course sit down meal. Don't they know who I am?" Wouldn't the better question be "are these people I like? Do I want them to be happy?"
I've never been to a big formal wedding...even mine was at my house. I love informal weddings...and a food truck would fit right in.
My wedding was super kid friendly and we had tons of crafts and activities for the kids (we had kids already). I have been complimented on that aspect for 15 years now...people loved it. The kids even put on a play for us, it was our entertainment.
I guess I am super tacky.
Last edited by HighFlyingBird; 09-21-2016 at 11:04 AM..
That's the funny thing that happens when all of this wedding judgement is going on. People seem to forget that it's supposed to be a celebration of two people starting a life together surrounded by all of their family and friends. So what if it's a potluck? So what if there's a food truck? So what if they ask people to bring cookies in lieu of a cake? So what if they'd rather have a donation to charity rather than a gift? People all of a sudden clutch their pearls and act they're they're part of gilded age aristocracy, like "how dare they not provide me with a 3-course sit down meal. Don't they know who I am?" Wouldn't the better question be "are these people I like? Do I want them to be happy?"
Exactly. I prefer casual celebrations because that's what I'm most comfortable with, but the day isn't about me. I mean, hopefully the comfort of guests is taken into account, but all this drama and pearl-clutching over what details are tacky is a little ridiculous to me.
I was reading something recently that said people aren't buying fine china and silverware that much anymore. Don't know if it's true or not.
I think this is true in many cases. With fine china, sterling and crystal it was usually recommended to hand wash and not put into the dishwasher. For example, the gold edging on my Royal Doulton china comes off in the dishwasher. Some are now dishwasher safe.
The bigger issue is many newer homes have the open concept and formal dining rooms are being dropped, along with "formal" dining. Now the kitchens, usually with an island, are open to the eating and gathering area. Younger people today enjoy more informal entertaining and they know they won't use the formal place settings. Also, the storage issue is a problem plus having to move frequently with jobs today.
My daughter is perfectly happy with inheriting all mine but she is uninterested in picking out her own patterns. Doubt she will use it very often, though. Even with family events now, the adult "kids" prefer an informal vibe in the kitchen or on the porch (so do I).
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