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I will be finishing and graduating with my PhD in December and I want my parents there. It's a pretty big accomplishment. My colleagues have parents coming in from India, Jordan, France, and Germany. I asked my parents if they could fly or drive out. They live in North Carolina and my graduation will be in Indiana, so it's not like they are having to travel across the world. The graduation is two weeks before Christmas.
My mom told me that "there is a lot going on in December because of the holidays" and that they'd rather me come out for Christmas (which I am doing regardless).
They are going to Mexico for a week during Thanksgiving, so flying and money clearly isn't a concern (I even offered to pay for the airline tickets or gas).
It's frustrating that year after year, I have to bend my work/school schedule around them, yet they have a completely free retiree schedule. They've never once flown out to see me since I left the East Coast. I'm irritated enough that I'm almost at the point of saying "if you want to see me for Christmas, you can fly out here for once".
Am I being unreasonable here?
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-19-2016 at 05:45 PM..
Reason: changed the filtered word
No I would say they are. But they have the right to. My feelings would be hurt if my parents just didn't come to my graduation. If important stuff going on or were still working then I can see.
My in-laws (FIL and wife, not MIL) is a gazillionaire, retired, young/healthy (retired in his late 50s) and never seems to have the time to visit anyone. Expects people with jobs/kids/school to drop everything and trek to BFE to see him. Does not live convenient to any airport, either...and 5+ hour drive.
That and some issues with his wife being batcrap crazy has basically led us to never really bothering with them anymore. Polite holiday greetings. They send stuff for the kids. But we don't pretend to have a relationship that we don't. They can feel like they are great bc they think they can buy people off, and we don't have to put up with the crazy.
If it tells you anything, this man has 4 kids and 2 of them don't bother having contact, one is reluctant, and one still tries (sad). Even his wife's 2 kids (who are drug addicts) talk crap about him behind his back, all while taking free houses, free cars, etc.
Meanwhile, my very middle class MIL who still works a full time job schleps her ass 6 hours by car to see us whenever she can. And all her kids.
People who really care try. Others who only do it when it's easy and convenient for them...meh.
I would think a life event was more important than a regular holiday, granted many Christmas occasions do happen in the weeks before the holiday. You may want to remind them that this is the only time you will graduate with a PhD and it would mean a lot to have them there.
I will be finishing and graduating with my PhD in December and I want my parents there. It's a pretty big accomplishment. My colleagues have parents coming in from India, Jordan, France, and Germany. I asked my parents if they could fly or drive out. They live in North Carolina and my graduation will be in Indiana, so it's not like they are having to travel across the world. The graduation is two weeks before Christmas.
My mom told me that "there is a lot going on in December because of the holidays" and that they'd rather me come out for Christmas (which I am doing regardless).
They are going to Mexico for a week during Thanksgiving, so flying and money clearly isn't a concern (I even offered to pay for the airline tickets or gas).
It's frustrating that year after year, I have to bend my work/school schedule around them, yet they have a completely free retiree schedule. They've never once flown out to see me since I left the East Coast. I'm irritated enough that I'm almost at the point of saying "if you want to see me for Christmas, you can fly out here for once".
Am I being unreasonable here?
You're not being unreasonable at all. But is it possible they are hurt/upset that you left the east coast to begin with? Maybe by refusing to go visit you, they are expressing their hurt that you "left them"? Not that such behavior is justified but if there's an issue, understanding it might help resolve it. Talk to them - have you asked why they don't want to visit you/be there at an important moment of your life?
You're not being unreasonable at all. But is it possible they are hurt/upset that you left the east coast to begin with? Maybe by refusing to go visit you, they are expressing their hurt that you "left them"? Not that such behavior is justified but if there's an issue, understanding it might help resolve it. Talk to them - have you asked why they don't want to visit you/be there at an important moment of your life?
I don't think they are upset. I moved away for graduate school. After graduating, I fell into a job and started my PhD. They've never been hostile or upset with me in any way. They do say that they wish we could see each other more.
I suggested them coming out here for a long weekend in the summer or really any time. We could go to the Alamo and see stuff around Dallas/Fort Worth. They said they'd "have to see".
Because they are retired, it is much easier for them to travel.
My feelings would be hurt under those circumstances.
I might make other Christmas plans if that were an option.
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