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Often when being around circles or friends, I'll find that I get into this "fake personality" mode. Like I'll smile, when I don't really want to smile, and I'll say corny things, and my mind starts thinking about giving some small-talk nonsense chatter that I don't actually care about. I don't know if it's just a bad habit (I'm assuming it is), but for some reason I often do this, especially when first meeting someone. Sometimes it can go on for months, especially with acquaintances where it feels like I'm meeting them for the first time, every time we meet. It's weird.
Then, there are other instances, where I feel more relaxed, and I'm able to act more naturally. I don't understand why these two things happen the way they do. Is this a natural process, or is there a way to push out the "fake personality," so that it doesn't happen as often.
I think you will begin to act naturally more often the more you interact with people.
So just keep on meeting up with people and learning how to be yourself. Practice makes perfect.
I do think that you are using a fake personality because you want to be perceived a certain way, and you are unsure that your natural self is good enpugh.
Funny, was at a lunch interview today, as the interviewee vs. interviewer. I was on trial, that's what interviews are. Lunch interviews are often about culture fit since the setting is a bit casual. YMMV.
Years ago, I figured out how to handle OP's question. I won't take credit for complete originality in the below, it's coaching from others and/or wisdom from observation. Interview, life, it's still strangers and getting along well:
- Be yourself, but mind your manners. People can smell "fake." Be friendly, don't overshare necessarily. Show a little class, smile enough (but not like some circus clown). Don't try too hard, let your personality shine through
- Make stories and anecdotes relatively brief, never more than two minutes. They don't know you and may not care. It's an interview, get to the point quickly, make it positive in tone and timbre.
- Listen to others and ask some leading questions. Listen to the response. Ask a few polite redirects. If they're polite, they'll keep their answers to a couple minutes, too. More is boorish.
- I mostly keep off controversial subjects and keep the conversation cadence upbeat. Be interested in others, with good eye contact and etc., you'll find some topics to discuss. If you're interesting, others will react. React positively to their stories too, everyone has good things to add.
To answer your question, by not caring what people think about you. It's liberating.
This. Completely. I am most at ease and myself around people with whom I don't have to worry about what they think. I trust our relationship with one another. With people I don't know well, I tend to be a little less "myself" (which is a good thing-- my filter is on hold when I'm myself), but rarely completely fake. I'm only "fake" when I'm anxious about the situation.
Often when being around circles or friends, I'll find that I get into this "fake personality" mode. Like I'll smile, when I don't really want to smile, and I'll say corny things, and my mind starts thinking about giving some small-talk nonsense chatter that I don't actually care about. I don't know if it's just a bad habit (I'm assuming it is), but for some reason I often do this, especially when first meeting someone. Sometimes it can go on for months, especially with acquaintances where it feels like I'm meeting them for the first time, every time we meet. It's weird.
Then, there are other instances, where I feel more relaxed, and I'm able to act more naturally. I don't understand why these two things happen the way they do. Is this a natural process, or is there a way to push out the "fake personality," so that it doesn't happen as often.
Always be yourself around other people. While this may cause some people to leave, you'll attract others similar to you, and eventually, you'll start to relax enough that being "fake/always on" will be a thing of the past.
IMO, what you call your 'fake personality' isn't fake...it's an aspect of your real personality. It's your 'nervous' personality, or your "putting myself out there" personality.
Honestly, I don't think you're doing anything different than most of us do. I think it's pretty normal to realize that you're never going to be warm and fuzzy and completely comfy with EVERYONE you meet...but hey...we give it the ol college try! Sometimes things go deeper and people become friends...lots of times they don't. It's OK.
Maybe you're an introvert. It's common for introverts to be uncomfortable with small talks and in groups, unless they know the people well. I guess the only way to become more comfortable with it is to practice, and don't be afraid to show your personality. Who knows, people may like the "real" you more than you think, and the ones that don't, the heck with them. You can't please everyone.
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