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My sister's family is blended and none of the siblings would ever refer to the others as "step", they are just siblings. That alone speaks volumes to me. Sounds like your Dad did a number on his 1st family and you are buying right into it.
I have more of an understanding of their viewpoint now, but I still think that the situation is not my mother's fault. I have to wonder if their reaction at this stage is warranted?
I mean what do they want? Why should me and my sister suffer? Wasn't it their mother's responsibility to contribute to raising them?
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GymFanatic
I have more of an understanding of their viewpoint now, but I still think that the situation is not my mother's fault. I have to wonder if their reaction at this stage is warranted?
I mean what do they want? Why should me and my sister suffer? Wasn't it their mother's responsibility to contribute to raising them?
Actually, as the one who was more functional, it was your dad's responsibility to raise them. Their mother wasn't capable. In that case, the capable parent does their best. Which your dad didn't do - he allowed them to witness that his new family was being given a lot more than they were.
I have more of an understanding of their viewpoint now, but I still think that the situation is not my mother's fault. I have to wonder if their reaction at this stage is warranted?
I mean what do they want? Why should me and my sister suffer? Wasn't it their mother's responsibility to contribute to raising them?
You were not born yet. You do not know if your mother broke up their parent's marriage.
If your dad left your mom for another woman how would you feel toward his new wife? What if your dad gave the kids with that wife more than you?
I have three half Siblings (Father's children) and a younger sister (20 years old), I am 21.
Your last question first. I have had experience with blended families. My wife was divorced with a 3 year old son when I met her. I raised that son, along with our 4 children. He was accepted as my son from day 1. There was never any difference in how he and his siblings were treated. I adopted him when he was five. Our 4 were his younger brothers and sister, and he was there to protect them when needed.
Relations have been tense/strained with these half siblings since day one. Although, things were more strained during their younger years (constant rows, physical abuse). As they have gotten older, they've sort of retracted into an on off relationship wherein they're cordial with my mother and father but keep things at a distance. Only one half sibling visits on a bi weekly basis, the other two visit my father once every few months.
The average son or daughter by the time they are in their 30s, often only visit at the holidays, etc., unless they live right down the street from the parents. Sometimes they only see their parents every few years if the distance from the parents is a good distance. Visiting the parents as those children do, is normal in the real world.
Emotional Blackmail is the tactic that they employ. This year, they didn't buy my father anything for Father's Day, despite all earning at least £30,000 per annum. They are always using Emotional Blackmail like this, but it doesn't work.
None of these siblings have much of a relationship with me. They do text my sister sometimes and she see's them as full siblings, I don't due to their treatment of my mother during previous years. The fact that they are 35+ and have not changed indicates to me that this behavior is not going to end, so I have no desire to have any form of relationship with them.
What I wonder though, is why my younger sister so furiously defends these siblings during rows and arguments? Even when it's clear as day that they are using emotional abuse tactics to get what they want?
Anyone have experience with Blended families?
Heck if they are not living close by, not sending a fathers day gift, is kind of normal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GymFanatic
No, they expect to get all the things me and my sister have been given as a result of being raised by a different mother. How can they possibly get that when, 1. It's in the past. 2. They are grown adults and don't live at home. 3. Their mother wasn't in the picture alot of the time. 4. Their mother didn't work.
Why not all get the same. Your father is also their father. Why should they not all be given the same as you and your full sister? What makes you two so special as you are to be treated different by your father than his other children? Do you think your father should treat you special, and neglect his other children?
I feel sorry for them on occasion, but that deteriorates away to nothing when I see what they do to my mother and father (at their age). Uncalled for.
How can you expect me to have any empathy for their situation, with the way they treat my parents, particularly my mother who has nothing to do with this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by GymFanatic View Post
Well, they chose to move out when my father eloped with my mother. My father didn't abondon them, their mother had multiple affairs, that's why my father split up with her.
They still see that your father abandoned them. What went on between your father and their mother, has nothing to do with your fathers relationship with your half siblings.
They are all in their 30's so I don't understand why this behavior has to go on. My mother has been subjected to unparalleled abuse over the years. It has to stop.
They can't possibly be expected to be treated as equals, when they have been raised by a seperate mother with a different financial situation.
[color="navy"][b]In other words, you think that your father should treat you and your sister way better than he treats his other children. To you they are half siblings, and not worthy of your father still acting like a father to them. He is not a step father to either group. He is the father to all of you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GymFanatic View Post
No, they expect to get all the things me and my sister have been given as a result of being raised by a different mother. How can they possibly get that when, 1. It's in the past. 2. They are grown adults and don't live at home. 3. Their mother wasn't in the picture alot of the time. 4. Their mother didn't work.
In other words in your mind, you and your sister are special, and they are nothing. They want their father to treat them like his children, and you are so jealous of them you cannot stand it.
I feel sorry for them on occasion, but that deteriorates away to nothing when I see what they do to my mother and father (at their age). Uncalled for.
How can you expect me to have any empathy for their situation, with the way they treat my parents, particularly my mother who has nothing to do with this?
In their eyes, your mother is the woman that stole your father away from their family. They were not raised in the same home you were. You want them to just go away, and get out of your life with just your father, mother, and full sister in your life. How selfish can anyone get? Those are your fathers children just as you and your sister are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GymFanatic View Post
None of these siblings have much of a relationship with me. They do text my sister sometimes and she see's them as full siblings, I don't due to their treatment of my mother during previous years. The fact that they are 35+ and have not changed indicates to me that this behavior is not going to end, so I have no desire to have any form of relationship with them.
What I wonder though, is why my younger sister so furiously defends these siblings during rows and arguments? Even when it's clear as day that they are using emotional abuse tactics to get what they want?
Anyone have experience with Blended families?
Your sister is the one that is in the right. She accepts them as her full siblings, and defends them from you when you go on one of your tantrums against them. She has a relationship with her siblings, but with your selfish attitude you do not. Again your sister is the one in the right, and this is what families with step brothers and sisters should do. You on the other hand, are so jealous of your father having a relationship with his own children, who you hate and resent.
Just think, how would you feel, if your father pushed you aside and wanted nothing to do with you, and acted like a great father to your half siblings. That is exactly what you expect your father to do pushing his first 3 children out the door, and only associate with you and your sister.
Last edited by oldtrader; 06-27-2017 at 05:08 PM..
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