Why do you think Weddings and Funerals bring out the worst in some families? (wife, father)
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I was just chatting on the mother/son wedding thread and it did get me thinking... what is it about weddings and funerals that can bring out the absolute worst in people.
I've been in weddings where bride's mother was a Momzilla, I've been in some where people threaten to not help the engaged couple if wedding was not done their way. My husband was in a wedding where the old wife and new wife actually got into a fist fight at the rehearsal, in the church (pastor called the ceremony off).
I married a little later than what is considered normal so my late husband and I had absolutely no problem with telling folks to "bugger off" if they did not like how the ceremony was planned but.....
when my husband lost his battle with cancer 30 years later, I was appalled at the insanity that popped up (lol, one of my husbands cousins who I had never met but I had heard stories of, came up to me and said my husband verbally promised to loan him 25K and wanted me to honor the agreement) during the planning of the service.
What is it about these two ceremonies that makes us coo-coo for coco pops crazy.
Speaking about weddings, it's a very important event, and they are usually thought of as "once in a lifetime" occurrences. (Of course you also don't usually get a funeral do-over.)
Plus it's a time when many relatives and friends who aren't usually together will have a chance to co-mingle. Old events that may have lain dormant get re-examined.
So people tend to place a LOT of importance on them and may behave in unexpected ways.
They are both emotional events and the primary people involved are under a lot of stress. Past history that people normally shove under a rug comes to the surface even if it isn't directly connected to the event.
In any family, there are people who do not like each other, for a host of reasons. Put them all together, and someone gets on someone else's nerves eventually. Some get drunk. Why people refuse to control themselves in these situations, well, "why" is always the most difficult question. Some people think the world revolves around them and their own feelings, and revenge has long been on their limited minds. Some of the stories I've heard are mind boggling.
People who may despise each other, despite being related or connected, now have to come together for a planned, major family event. I mean, they don't have to, but does a grandma who loves her grandson and wants to see him get married but also hates grandson's mother who is divorced from grandson's father (her own son) because she cheated on him and derailed the family really have a choice in going to the wedding? Rock and a hard place situation.
Maybe someone eggs someone on. Maybe there's pent up frustration or grudges. Maybe drunk Aunt Susan says something dumb and inflammatory, that she either knows will spark something, or doesn't know.
I'm not saying any wrong behavior at these functions is, well, right, but I can at least see why some situations arise.
*disclimer before this threads gets some responses the other did... I shared a purely hypothetical above, and am not insinuating that one party is specifically to blame, or more to blame, than the other in a cheating or really any bad situation, it was just a example.
I'm almost 60 and so far, haven't been to any weddings or funerals where people acted badly. There are a couple of people that we thought may get out of hand because they were being a little difficult before one wedding, but didn't have any problems on the big day, everyone got along fine and stayed focused on the new couple.
We're a pretty normal family, we give everyone their space and aren't the demanding type, so we're boring with no drama.
One is an I do moment,.The other they done did!
These two events rank in the top stressors...
Divorce and moving are other ones...
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