Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So, you know when someone has a preconceived notion about you and then interprets everything you say and do in that particular light? This is one of those situations.
There's this girl I see out at parties every now and then. She's in her mid-20s, and we have some mutual friends. I have no issue with her, but she's a little standoffish so we don't talk much. The other day I saw her again and we started chatting. It turns out we both do the same job, but she does it full time and I do it for side money. She then asked me what I did as my main job (which has a high salary), and when I told her she got defensive and made a point to say that her job gets her very good money and she's very happy with it. The thing is, I wasn't knocking her job in any way (I do it too), or bragging about mine. I was just saying what I did for a living because she asked.
Then the topic of boyfriends came up. She asked if I had a boyfriend. Then she mentioned that she has twin girls. I said something like, "Oh, so their father is your boyfriend?" And again she got defensive and kind of snapped at me, saying that they're not together but they are still "on good terms". Again, I was not judging or implying anything by asking her that. Just trying to make conversation.
Does it sound like she thinks I'm judging her, or that I have pre-formed judgments about her that are negative? I'm not coming from that place at all, I'm just trying to get to know her, but I don't think she trusts that.
Please clarify ... did you actually discuss your high salary?
And to be honest, the paternity of her children was a very odd thing to comment on. I can see why she would have gotten defensive. The question can certainly come across as judgy.
Please clarify ... did you actually discuss your high salary?
And to be honest, the paternity of her children was a very odd thing to comment on. I can see why she would have gotten defensive. The question can certainly come across as judgy.
I did not discuss my salary at all. As for the paternity, it was really an innocent question from my end.
Maybe she thinks you're judging her on the boyfriend/ father of the twins front.
Maybe she feels inferior because you have a higher paying job and do what she does for side money.
Seems like too much trouble to be her friend and have a normal comment be taken as a put down.
I would continue to be nice to her but keep my distance if I were you.
Maybe she thinks you're judging her on the boyfriend/ father of the twins front.
Maybe she feels inferior because you have a higher paying job and do what she does for side money.
Seems like too much trouble to be her friend and have a normal comment be taken as a put down.
I would continue to be nice to her but keep my distance if I were you.
I agree with this. It was not my intention to put her down but I think I inadvertently hit upon two sore topics. Keeping my distance is a good idea here.
Could be that she's heard a lot about you and already is intimidated. But honestly, this would be better asked to a mutual friend that knows both of you (and can be trusted for judgment and discretion). But given how everything went, honestly... I would take a huge step back and accept this connection will go nowhere.
But the paternity thing...is a no go any time. Best question follow up would've been something like How old are they? Or something like that.
I agree with this. It was not my intention to put her down but I think I inadvertently hit upon two sore topics. Keeping my distance is a good idea here.
The paternity thing isn't just a "sore topic" ... ask any woman, married or not, who their children's father is, and you'll probably get the same reaction (perhaps for different reasons, but it's still not something you should ask)
The paternity thing isn't just a "sore topic" ... ask any woman, married or not, who their children's father is, and you'll probably get the same reaction (perhaps for different reasons, but it's still not something you should ask)
Where I was coming from was, I assumed that she was with their father and I was just validating that. But I do see how it could come across as insensitive.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
