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Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
4,640 posts, read 11,938,904 times
Reputation: 9885
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Is an arranged relationship a thing within your culture? In other words, do mothers usually choose partners for their kids?
Were I you, I'd create some boundaries. I'd date who I wanted and not share that information with my mother. if I was serious about someone, then I'd tell my mother. And this would a done deal. I'd not be asking permission, but simply sharing information.
OP, the Native men that your mom sets you up with, are they all from the same tribe or reservation or area? (Forgive me if I'm using the terms incorrectly; I know nothing about Native American culture and lifestyles and what-not.) Maybe the problem isn't with Native men, per se, but with the men within the "pool" from which your mother is fishing on your behalf. Would it be acceptable in her eyes to date a Native man from another tribe or reservation, etc.? And is that something that you'd be open to?
There's no tribal/reservation issues right now. We just live in a typical, suburban area that happens to be fairly diverse. These Native guys are all just random guys in our town that she's plucked.
She's also threatening to take your car keys because she's the co-signer?
Move out! You're 25. What are you waiting for, 50?
This has nothing to do with whether the guy is white or native. Cut the umbilical cord, leave mama and start being responsible for yourself. It would be better for you to live in a tent by yourself than to continue living with a controlling mother.
Is an arranged relationship a thing within your culture? In other words, do mothers usually choose partners for their kids?
Were I you, I'd create some boundaries. I'd date who I wanted and not share that information with my mother. if I was serious about someone, then I'd tell my mother. And this would a done deal. I'd not be asking permission, but simply sharing information.
Arranged marriages aren't very common for our people. As a matter of fact, there are a few fellow Native families we know that have kids who are with spouses/significant others of all sorts of races. It's basically just my mom in this case.
Since you are 25 and hopefully working, isn't it time to move out? If you can't swing an apartment by yourself find a roommate.
Do you own your own car? If so, how could your mother take away your car keys?
Your mother sounds very controlling and overinvolved in your life as an adult. If you were a teenager it would be understandable but not at your age. The problem is when you are under her roof she may feel she has the right to dictate her opinions to you.
If you need to save up to leave and/or get your own car, set that as a goal. You have the right to date whomever you choose and it sounds like you know what attributes are important to you. Good luck!
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,634 posts, read 17,975,706 times
Reputation: 50663
I'm feeling SUCH A STRONG deja-vu in this post, right down to the fact that the older sister is dating a white guy and it's no problem.
Have you posted here before under a different name?
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