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I would respectfully tell your mother that you will date who you want and that she should support your happiness. It’s time for your mother to let you be an adult and sounds like you may need to help her understand how to do that.
I can understand that Native Americans are concerned about disappearing as a minority, and losing their culture.
Interracial marriages and relationships are becoming more common across the board. Most people won't even pay attention to an interracial marriage these days.
However, interracial marriages can pose different challenges than marriages that are not interracial. There may be different cultural values. There may be different religious beliefs. There may be different moral and ethical standards.
Most "Native Americans" already are of mixed ancestry, with Caucasian being the most common 2nd ancestry. What's one more interracial marriage? At what point does the person stop being Native? 25%? 12.5%? 6.25%? 3.125%?
What if a Caucasian wants to be culturally Native? Are they barred from doing that because they are the wrong race?
Culture should be delinked from race, especially in this day and age.
Because I genuinely feel like there aren't that many Native men out there who I'd like. My past boyfriends were Native and literally all of them were the same. They cheated on me, used me, abused me emotionally, and it's the same with all of the Native guys who my mom tries to set me up with. They just want sex and money and I can't deal with it anymore. This white guy is a genuinely good guy who respects me and treats me kindly.
You sound like you are interested in a nice guy and your Mom is a traditional who is also a bit prejudice. It is likely the same in most families, even though most folks won't admit it. My Mom was the same way many years ago when I dated a black guy, and I'm white. Prejudice folks are very hard to change.
Do you live in town, or are you living on a reservation? I ask because it would be harder to date whomever if you are physically in the same area.
Have you sat with your mom and explained how you were treated previously, and the difference in how this man treats you?
The problem is that you will have to disappoint someone as you assert your own wants as an adult. But, it will be best for you to choose to disappoint her than yourself.
Hopefully she will give him a chance....or you will be able to move into your own place.
Keep updating, and I hope things work out for you.
I'd just thought I'd pop in and give an update of what happened between me and my mom last night:
Me and my mom talked last night and the first thing she did was point out how "disrespectful" I was towards her. She said that she didn't approve of my tone of voice and that she wasn't going to tolerate any of my so-called "defiance". She then proceeded to take away my phone and then went onto the subject of the guy that I like. She said that she's taking away my phone so that I can no longer contact him and that I'm also no longer allowed near any non-Native men without her permission or approval. She even used the example of shopping out in public. She said that from now on we'll be shopping together and if we can't find a Native cashier, I'm to go wait in the car while she's rung up by any non-Native cashiers. Those are pretty much the new restrictions she's now placing on me.
Move out. NOW. Get a job, get into school, do whatever you need to do to become self supporting. GET AWAY FROM HER.
I'm pretty sure your mom would hate me. I'm an eighth Seminole. No card. Not on the Dawes rolls. My great greats escaped the Indian Removal (it wasn't JUST Cherokees) by going to Canada, converted to Catholicism, took French names, and passed themselves off as "French Canadian".
And yeah, that was a REALLY long time ago. We have REALLY long generations in my family because the men tend to marry so late. My dad was born in 1919. His NA grandmother (my great grandmother) died in 1901. Her parents were the ones who escaped north.
Anyway. For your own safety you need to get away from this controlling witch. She does NOT have your best interests at heart. You are 25. Are you disabled somehow?
There's no tribal/reservation issues right now. We just live in a typical, suburban area that happens to be fairly diverse. These Native guys are all just random guys in our town that she's plucked.
There is no way my parents would have treated me that way, whether I lived with them or not.
If your story is true, your mom's behavior is abusive. However, you are not a child, and you say that you have a job, so why do you stay? Take your car, take your phone, take your self-respect, and leave.
Get out. If you don't want to live your life under her thumb, grow a set, stand up to her, and get out of there.
So, you're 25 years old, still living at home, and are under your mother's thumb as to who you can and cannot date? Honey, you might as well be 15.
I don't have a clear idea of the family dynamics, but I think this is the universe's way of telling you that it's time to take ownership of your life as an independent woman, move out, and create your own life without your mother's interference. Get your own cell phone, get your own transportation, rent your own room -- and that way, you don' t have to ask anyone else's permission to do ANYTHING.
If you can't manage any of this, then, frankly, you shouldn't be worried about dating -- you should be worried about making yourself independent. A dependent woman makes a lot of mistakes along the way, including choice of spouses, etc. To go from being dependent on your mommy to being dependent on another man is a recipe for failure in the 21st century.
Like other posters here, I see red flags and suspect this is a hoax.
Few American Indians refer to themselves as "Native Americans", for starters. It's either the name of the tribe - Cherokee, Choctaw, Navajo, etc. - or Indian or sometimes NDN. "Native American", while accurate, can also be construed as referring to anyone born on the American continents, and is widely and negatively viewed as a politically correct, recently made-up Caucasian term with no historic standing.
While "Indian" is not technically correct, it is the term historically used and is accepted by most American Indians. "Red Indian" is used in Britain, but falls very awkwardly on American ears of all colors, as it has racist overtones, intentional or not. Few if any American Indians would be likely to refer to themselves as a "Red Indian".
The OP has consistently used "Native American" throughout this thread.
However - in the event that this is not a manufactured story - she would be well advised to stand up for herself, retrieve her phone, hide her car keys in her inner garments, and tell Mama she's a big girl now and while she understands that her mother wants what is best for her, she is quite capable of making her own decisions, thank you very much. She needs to separate from her mother.
She also would be well advised to start apartment hunting immediately. The level of control she describes is untenable. Also, where is her father in this scenario? And can big sister advocate for her, since she is happily wed to a white guy whom Mama likes? Are there other family members - Mama's siblings, perhaps - who can put a word in? Mama sounds not only controlling, but more than a bit off. The notion of not wanting to purchase items unless an Indian is at the cash register is completely irrational.
The problem is with Mama, and with the OP's inability to separate and stand up for herself, not with racial heritage.
If there is a problem at all, that is, and if this thread is not a hoax.
I wouldn’t let my family influence my decision about who to date. However, since you’re worried about tearing the family apart and you want to keep the peace, if there are enough eligible Native American men out there who you find attractive and feel that you could potentially be happy with, why date a white guy?
...because she likes the white guy?
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