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I don't mind being alone, but I'm very lonely. Aside from my oldest daughter, there is really no one who thinks of me first. My mom is a narcissist...I'll have 3 fun filled days at her independent living village over Christmas while my kids are at their other grandparents. Then my daughters and I are going to NYC for a few days, our first vacation in years, but they bicker so much it isn't guaranteed we'll have a great time.
As for taking control of my own happiness...I've done many things over the years that are recommended, like volunteering, pursuing hobbies in order to meet like minded people. Online dating. Nothing has stuck. I'm very introverted. I can be lonely in a room full of people.
I'm finally in a stable job with great coworkers, but that hasn't morphed into weekend activities with them. My youngest is going to college next year, and I do have a few empty nester activities in mind but many days the loneliness really closes in.
One of the worst parts about the holidays is the expectation that because I am alone, I am somehow worse for it. I mind being alone on ordinary days. Holidays aren't really any worse.
Chinese food and movies are such typical Christmas Day activities for Jews that one day in the office a few years ago, I overheard a Jewish coworker kidding a Hindu coworker that with all the people from India moving into the area, the Jews now had to leave earlier to get a good seat at the movies on Christmas.
Not around here! Honey, I live in east Texas. Yes, we do have some Jewish folks around here but I would wager that most of the movie attendees here on Christmas Day are straight up Baptists.
I’m not single but I feel so alone and I’m really dreading this Christmas. I’ll be spending Christmas with in laws who were never interested in building new traditions. I had to fit into their old traditions, so it’s always them talking about christmases past and this and that person and me feeling like an outsider. My suggestions to bring a dish or introduce something new were frowned on because my mother in law couldn’t imagine a Christmas or holiday that didn’t have the foods SHE grew up with. Yes she actually said this and frowned and made faces when I had the nerve to suggest it. Same for thanksgiving. She has to be in control and can’t imagine anyone else hosting the holidays.
At the same time she goes through all this trouble to make foods no one really likes but are to afraid to say anything and then she gets upset that the Christmas, thanksgiving, whatever isn’t the way she remembers. One year on Christmas Eve she griped the whole night about the meal and it was uncomfortable. And we are expected to do Christmas Eve AND day. Yeah that may have been fine when growing up and everyone was living in the same house but people have grown up and moved on. And yet she does the same thing every year although I’ve suggested other things. Wash, rinse, repeat. Anyway, I’ve bowed out of Christmas Eve this year. I just can’t do both this year and Christmas Eve menu has about zero I can eat without feeling gross. It will be awkward but oh well, gotta start somewhere.
Please let the New Year get here quickly.
I think you and your mate should host a holiday extravaganza at your own house next year! Who knows - you may have more folks than you think to show up.
You do not have to show up at her place - not for both holidays (and Christmas Eve thrown in for good measure). I mean, you really, really don't. Life is short - make your own traditions.
I think what bothers me more than not getting invitations for the holidays (I know everyone is busy with their own family) is no one even bothering to ask IF I have any place to go for the holidays. It's like after my husband died I just dropped off the radar screen of everyone I was related to through him.
I think you and your mate should host a holiday extravaganza at your own house next year! Who knows - you may have more folks than you think to show up.
You do not have to show up at her place - not for both holidays (and Christmas Eve thrown in for good measure). I mean, you really, really don't. Life is short - make your own traditions.
We have done that and our own holidays to be greeted later by passive aggressive punishment. I've checked out. Just waiting for Dec 26 lol
Well I thought I would tell you guys... I got a schnauzer for Christmas! I kept going back n forth on whether to get a dog or not, but I did it! I looked around for a while but they were so expensive. Then finally someone got back to me and said they had one and he wasn't too expensive. He's a year and a half old and his name is Happy I know this thread is about being alone but this has just made me so happy. The moment I saw him I cried and I have cried two more times after that, which is embarrassing lol.
I'm just so grateful to God right now and can't believe how He chose to bless me. I have felt so lonely these past few months and Happy has made me feel things again. He's perfect and so far such a good dog! He enjoys milkbones and loves to nap in the bed. I've had him for two days and he's just so great.
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I kept going back n forth on whether to get a dog or not, but I did it! I looked around for a while but they were so expensive. Then finally someone got back to me and said they had one and he wasn't too expensive. He's a year and a half old and his name is Happy 
