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I got a rep this morning after my post (#14) about my 16 brother knowing not to throw a fit around our dad for fear of a spanking. The reply was "your dad sounds like a jerk and spanking a 16 yr old is weird." My dad was NOT weird and was one of the greatest men I have ever known. No, he didn't spank either of us at age 16, mainly because we had finally learned better to act that way by then, but, yes, he would have worn our butts out! Maybe the "jerk" that wrote that rep doesn't know what a good "butt whoopin" does.
I didn't rep you but I agree that spanking a 16 yo is weird.
I didn't rep you but I agree that spanking a 16 yo is weird.
I could never fathom hurting my children in any way. I am completely against physically and emotionally hurting a child as it will leave them with longitudinal scars that are extremely difficult to overcome. My father was particularly harsh towards my younger sister while we were growing up, emotionally and physically, and to this day she still remembers it as if it took place yesterday. It's also created a distance relationship between her and our dad. Childhood scars run deep and I'd never be able to forgive myself if I lay as much as a finger on my daughters. Hurting somebody in any way isn't okay.
The phone shouldn't have been promised, it should have been a "maybe". But life doesn't always pan out the way we want, plan, or even promise. Actually suggesting the OP sucks it up and spends money he doesn't have is insane to me. My iPhone is old and doesn't always work and I'd love the newer 8, but there's a lot more important things I need to put that money towards. Also, I'm guessing there's at least another kid involved who will also need bought for. Will you just be giving that child $1000, too? There's no reason a compromise can't be made and she could get a refurbished 6 or 7. If I wanted a big gift (and it was never anything THAT big) I was told to save whatever Christmas money I got and use that. I wanted an iPad and saved the money from my parents, grandparents and aunt/uncle. After Christmas I went out and bought my $400 iPad.
I could never fathom hurting my children in any way. I am completely against physically and emotionally hurting a child as it will leave them with longitudinal scars that are extremely difficult to overcome. My father was particularly harsh towards my younger sister while we were growing up, emotionally and physically, and to this day she still remembers it as if it took place yesterday. It's also created a distance relationship between her and our dad. Childhood scars run deep and I'd never be able to forgive myself if I lay as much as a finger on my daughters. Hurting somebody in any way isn't okay.
Define 'harsh'. Was it discipline, or abuse? The two are not the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
Just maybe the bigger problem here is that daddy made an irresponsible promise and isn't mature enough, himself, on how to apologize to the Princess and eat crow and admit it.
It's not as if the kid is going to be deprived. She HAS a 'smart" phone, just not the latest,greatest. 'right' brand.
Heaven knows what this is teaching the 13 year old.
I don’t think you’ll have to pay full price for a replacement if the phone becomes damaged. I just had to replace my iPad Pro (which was not fully paid off), as I dropped it and cracked the screen, and it was only $400. A new one would have cost triple that. Make sure you get the correct Apple warranty.
I say:
1. Make the plan for getting the 8 you can afford (refurbished if possible) or the best deal with your carrier (plus the warranty) on a monthly installment.
2. Apologize to your wife
3. Apologize to your younger daughter
4. Sit your older daughter down (maybe before you spring for the iphone) and tell her all the things you’ve been holding back re: your budget, your inappropriate promise, the reality of ‘things’ (material) and what is important in life, etc., etc.
5. Go easy on yourself. You sound like a really caring father. I hope your daughter one day truly realizes this, but now is a selfish time for many youth.
Celebrate Christmas for all the right reasons.
P.S.: I would also follow JanND’s advice about exposing your daughters to the realities of life as posted in #92 .
Good luck.
Oh, and no more promises except to always love them and do the best for them that you possibly can...I wish I had had a dad like you.
Thank you for replying in a rational and understanding manner. I appreciate it more than you know. I will certainly work towards mending the situation with my wife as our arguments have cogently increased these past few days as a result of this situation I've put myself into. I really need to have a talk with Daniella and explain what's happening in general, even though my wife has repeatedly told her where we stand financially whenever they get into arguments, I think it'll be beneficial if I also talk to her about things in a calmer way. However, the remaining issue centers around the fact I made a promise. Unwisely, but I did. I have to find some sort of way to deliver it that'll be compatible with everyone's needs including my wive's (meaning the monthly payment plans won't work even though I'm in favor of them) but it's proving to be extremely difficult.
I think what a few people on here fail to understand is that it isn't about getting her an iPhone. It's about not getting her an iPhone even though I promised her I would for 3 years. If she randomly asked me for one without any prior discussion, I would have no issue calmly saying no and telling her to find something more affordable until the newest iPhone is within the realm of possibility for our family. However, turning around and telling her the newest iPhone isn't happening even though I made a promise to her that I would buy it for her denigrates the essential value of a promise, and I want to lead by example in order to teach my girls that a promise is sacred and not something we sprout out willy nilly. Needless to say, this is all my fault, but I don't want my girls to think promises are something trivial we give out haphazardly.
Also, I'm guessing there's at least another kid involved who will also need bought for. Will you just be giving that child $1000, too?
My youngest daughter never asks for much as she hates burdening my wife and I in any way. This Christmas she asked for some candy and chocolate in her stocking plus a $25 Backpack from Tillys and a $13 book, so I already know there isn't going to be an issue with that.
Thank you for replying in a rational and understanding manner. I appreciate it more than you know. I will certainly work towards mending the situation with my wife as our arguments have cogently increased these past few days as a result of this situation I've put myself into. I really need to have a talk with Daniella and explain what's happening in general, even though my wife has repeatedly told her where we stand financially whenever they get into arguments, I think it'll be beneficial if I also talk to her about things in a calmer way. However, the remaining issue centers around the fact I made a promise. Unwisely, but I did. I have to find some sort of way to deliver it that'll be compatible with everyone's needs including my wive's (meaning the monthly payment plans won't work even though I'm in favor of them) but it's proving to be extremely difficult.
I think what a few people on here fail to understand is that it isn't about getting her an iPhone. It's about not getting her an iPhone even though I promised her I would for 3 years. If she randomly asked me for one without any prior discussion, I would have no issue calmly saying no and telling her to find something more affordable until the newest iPhone is within the realm of possibility for our family. However, turning around and telling her the newest iPhone isn't happening even though I made a promise to her that I would buy it for her denigrates the essential value of a promise, and I want to lead by example in order to teach my girls that a promise is sacred and not something we sprout out willy nilly. Needless to say, this is all my fault, but I don't want my girls to think promises are something trivial we give out haphazardly.
We understand the issue. The way I see it, you need to explain to her that you just cannot do it. Three years or not, it is not possible right now. In life, stuff happens and things do not always happen according to our timetable.
And are you seriously saying that you are going to get your younger daughter less than 50 bucks worth of things and get your older daughter a thousand dollar cell phone?
There are no words.
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