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Oh, Kenneth -- believe me, if it wasn't the iPhone, it would be the car. Or the designer shoes. Or the $1,000 prom dress. No matter how much money you make, kids can find ways to spend it. :-) It is NEVER enough. And that's ok, because unless they are a trust fund baby (and probably even then!), they need to learn that money is finite, and wise decisions must be made to make it work for you.
As sweet and great as she is (and yeah, I'm sure she is -- most of our kids are), this is a young lady who is desperately in need of a reality check. I suspect she has nice clothes, she has a cell phone, she has a nice home to come home to after school, she has plenty of good food on the table, whatever she needs to succeed in school in terms of a computer, etc.. She can go to the mall if she's in the mood, she can go to a movie, she can play whatever sport she feels like. She can take a long, leisurely hot shower and obsess over what kind of shampoo will make her hair shiny. She also has a mother AND a father in the same home who love and adore her. Her home is probably decorated for Christmas, with a lovely tree and stockings. She is so blessed . . . and has no idea.
She needs to be serving third rate food at a soup kitchen, to people who are lucky to get a shower once a week and whose idea of "safe" is finding a place to sleep that is out of the cold and where their stuff won't get stolen during the night. She needs to have her eyes opened to kids who are in foster care because their father didn't hang around, and the mother is in jail for drug dealing. Or both parents have had their parental rights suspended because they would rather spend their money on drugs than food and clothing for their children. She needs to be volunteering at a Ronald McDonald house, where the residents have children who just wonder if they are going to live long enough for Santa Claus to visit them just one more time. She needs to be helping kids with their homework after school in a local women's shelter, where the kids have been in six different schools in the last 2 years because their father keeps beating the cr@p out of their mother.
The good thing is that most kids figure it out by their early 20's. My daughter called me from college and said the strangest thing: "Thank you for being boring." "Huh?" She went on to explain that she had met lots of people in her academic department, and one night, they were sitting around talking, and she was astonished at how many kids had broken homes, parents with multiple divorces, parents who were in rehab, parents who traveled and worked so much their kids never saw them, etc., etc. One kid wasn't even sure what Stepmom #4's name was. When they turned to her, she shrugged and said, "My parents are boring -- no divorces, no drama, nothing exciting." One of the guys said, wistfully, "God, boring is good . . . " She just didn't know how lucky she was until her eyes were opened. :-)
Take care, Kenneth. If this is the worst thing that happens to your daughter, she's leading a charmed life.
Damn! I wish CityData would let you rep someone over and over again. You said and you said it well!
I don’t think you’ll have to pay full price for a replacement if the phone becomes damaged. I just had to replace my iPad Pro (which was not fully paid off), as I dropped it and cracked the screen, and it was only $400. A new one would have cost triple that. Make sure you get the correct Apple warranty.
I say:
1. Make the plan for getting the 8 you can afford (refurbished if possible) or the best deal with your carrier (plus the warranty) on a monthly installment.
2. Apologize to your wife
3. Apologize to your younger daughter
4. Sit your older daughter down (maybe before you spring for the iphone) and tell her all the things you’ve been holding back re: your budget, your inappropriate promise, the reality of ‘things’ (material) and what is important in life, etc., etc.
5. Go easy on yourself. You sound like a really caring father. I hope your daughter one day truly realizes this, but now is a selfish time for many youth.
Celebrate Christmas for all the right reasons.
P.S.: I would also follow JanND’s advice about exposing your daughters to the realities of life as posted in #92 .
Good luck.
Oh, and no more promises except to always love them and do the best for them that you possibly can...I wish I had had a dad like you.
i said that i have not read all of the 20 page thread, and i said that because i haven't read the whole thread, i was unaware if anyone brought up the same points i did. Even if they have been brought up, i brought them up again. I am not going to read the whole thread.
The iPhone X is too new, though, to find it cheaper. Normally, the older ones become cheaper as the newer ones emerge.
The OP is determined to get the iPhone X, so his options are limited right now.
He can do it with the payment plan, but he would totally disregard his wife's wishes.
I'd like some advice regarding an issue I'm dealing with this year as far as Christmas is concerned.
So my youngest daughter Daniella asked my wife and me for the newest iPhone that just got released and I'm not sure how to buy her one without spending most (if not all) of the money I've put aside for Christmas shopping this year. I looked into how much the model she wants costs and the cheapest one I could find was $950. There is no way on earth my wife and me can afford that, we can't even afford the model that costs $450, which to me is an obscene amount of money to pay for a mobile phone to begin with? I would say no and put my foot down but she's been asking for an iPhone for 3 years straight and every single year I always tell her I'll get her one at 16; she's been 16 for almost 2 months now and I know it'll crush her if I turn her down yet again, and locking horns with my daughter really isn't how I'd like to spend Christmas as I know it'll ruin the holiday spirit for our entire family. She also keeps on throwing this argument around that she's the only one out of all her friends with a Samsung and that it's really embarrassing for her. As a parent, that makes me feel greatly conscience-stricken and like I'm not living up to my responsibilities as a father. If I was worth millions I'd offer her the world, but unfortunately we're on a budget we have to stick to and sometimes it can get difficult to get everyone exactly what they want because it's not exactly like I have wads of cash rolling out of my pockets, which is a concept that's difficult for both my daughters to grasp at times, especially during winter break and Christmas.
My wife and me really aren't sure how to handle this so if anyone has any ideas they'd like to pitch it would be greatly appreciated.
Warmest Wishes & Happiest of Holidays to everybody!
-Ken
Actually a lot of wealthy people don't get their kids anything expensive in terms of gifts.
My parents weren't wealthy per se, but they were definitely upper middle class. And I never got jack-sh@t for Xmas. Like socks and sweaters from Marshalls. They were trying to teach me life lessons.
My friend down the street, his parents made maybe a quarter of what my parents made and he always had the newest video game systems, etc.
You can always set up a new account for this phone, and put it on the installment plan. Her phone would be locked into the carrier, and honestly I do not know why people make such a huge deal (as your wife does) about the carrier lock. Add in the insurance, and then pay the phone off early, problem solved. You would make monthly payments until you can pay off the phone entirely, so you would own it in a couple of months. Get an Otterbox and tell your daughter to keep it in the case, and you should not have a problem, but the AppleCare will cover you. I'd put down a down payment if you can with the carrier, and then just save up the balance while making monthly payments, even if you just double the monthly payments, putting one aside to pay off the phone early.
I do not understand why your wife is so malicious about the issue, and there are reasons to have a phone, other than just status. The follow up comments made me rethink that your wife was being the voice of reason, when she wanted to teach her a lesson by giving her nothing. That's sad. Add to your daughter's circle the friend getting the Range Rover which was a show for everyone at the party, no doubt. Thats a completely obnoxious nouveau-riche move. It's like parents want displays like the reality TV programs, with lavish presentations and such to show off. That does not make it easy when you are living in such an expensive area, and don't have seven figure bonuses to squander.
I bet your daughter has some friend who notices that she has a Samsung and brings it up as a subtle dig, making your daughter insecure. But, your daughter has you, and I think you're a great father, the more that you have posted because you're standing by your word. Many children may have many material goods, but do not have parents who are there for them as you are for your daughter, even running interference in the mother-daughter battles. Get her the phone, even if you have to go with a monthly contract.
__________________
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
If you do the installment plan, do not pay it off early as most are 0% interest.
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