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And she's pitting the OP against his wife because his wife is refusing to coddle her and put up with her snotty, mouthy attitude, while the OP doesn't want to put his foot down, present a united front with his wife (who has the RIGHT idea) and tell Junior Miss to cut her crap and start showing a bit more respect to her parents.
She isn't snotty or spoilt, though. In general, she really doesn't ask for much and as I mentioned earlier, she doesn't have nearly as much as her friends do which I know greatly affects her self-worth and self-perception. I think I already mentioned what happened when one of her best friends got a range rover as a sweet 16 present but that's just one of many examples. For her sweet 16, the best my wife and I could do for her was a small intimate slumber party at home with paper plates, pizza and some soda. And for her actual gift all she got was a dress from Urban Outfitters. That was her gift. There isn't anything wrong with being on a budget, but all I'm saying is that I can understand her and her need to fit in, especially when she's surrounded by friends who have so much more than her. While to us it may seem frivolous and trivial, this kind of stuff is really important to a 16 year old girl going through puberty. I just wish I could do more for her than what I'm doing. And while I'm not crazy enough to spend $1K on an iPhone I can't afford, I've promised her for 3 years straight and I don't want to see her upset by us not having enough extra money yet again, which is what will happen if I tell her an iPhone isn't possible right now.
Sometimes I also wonder why she's so affected by her friends as our youngest daughter, while also surrounded by wealthy friends, never acts this way and is way more understanding towards our family's budget, even though she's only 11. Maybe she's going through some things I don't know about and maybe I should work towards helping her figure everything out instead of burdening her even more? I just don't know, and time is running out.
I just wish my wife could be on board with the monthly payment plan idea, this would have been somewhat resolved.
And are you seriously saying that you are going to get your younger daughter less than 50 bucks worth of things and get your older daughter a thousand dollar cell phone?
My youngest daughter didn't ask for anything else, though. And I didn't promise her anything either.
...as well as the fact that she's worried about Dani cracking the screen or damaging the phone in any way; if we take the monthly installment route, we won't officially own the phone until we pay it off meaning if she damages it in any way we'll have to actually pay full price for a new one IN ADDITION to the monthly installments. I trust our daughter and the carrier commitment doesn't bother me so I don't have an issue with the pay-by-the-month idea, but my wife isn't for it.
Someone may have already suggested this (I don't think I can make it through the rest of the comments!) but this would be why you take insurance out on the phone. Either through the phone company you buy the phone from or square trade. Square trade always has coupons during the Christmas season for discounts on their insurance plans and they are really good. I don't buy insurance because my last phone cost $180, but for a $1000 phone I would have an insurance plan before that baby came home!
Buy an older model IPhone. She’ll probably be thrilled to have that.
And if not, OP and daughter need to have a serious conversation. This would fulfill the promise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shaylahc
At 16 your daughter is old enough to understand this. Express that you are frustrated, too. If she's a good daughter, she will compromise and be understanding that while you had the best intentions, sometimes life gets in the way.
Great post, yes, a 16 year old should be able to understand a family's financial position and how sometimes we expect to be in a better position in a couple of years and it doesn't pan out that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bo
About a year ago, I bought a "certified refurbished" iPhone 5S for $239 online at Best Buy. It's been just fine for my needs. Deals are out there, if you're willing to accept refurbished.
GREAT IDEA!
I would say if something like this isn't good enough, and it would fulfill the "promise", I would give her a gift certificate toward the purchase of whatever she thought might be good enough for her, and let her earn the rest of the money through holding a job now that she is 16 years old.
It is important that children understand the financial position of their family. I started teaching this to my son at a very early age. They need to understand the realities, especially in the world today. They need to learn that one needs to spend responsibly and within their means.
Thank you for replying in a rational and understanding manner. I appreciate it more than you know. I will certainly work towards mending the situation with my wife as our arguments have cogently increased these past few days as a result of this situation I've put myself into. I really need to have a talk with Daniella and explain what's happening in general, even though my wife has repeatedly told her where we stand financially whenever they get into arguments, I think it'll be beneficial if I also talk to her about things in a calmer way. However, the remaining issue centers around the fact I made a promise. Unwisely, but I did. I have to find some sort of way to deliver it that'll be compatible with everyone's needs including my wive's (meaning the monthly payment plans won't work even though I'm in favor of them) but it's proving to be extremely difficult.
I think what a few people on here fail to understand is that it isn't about getting her an iPhone. It's about not getting her an iPhone even though I promised her I would for 3 years. If she randomly asked me for one without any prior discussion, I would have no issue calmly saying no and telling her to find something more affordable until the newest iPhone is within the realm of possibility for our family. However, turning around and telling her the newest iPhone isn't happening even though I made a promise to her that I would buy it for her denigrates the essential value of a promise, and I want to lead by example in order to teach my girls that a promise is sacred and not something we sprout out willy nilly. Needless to say, this is all my fault, but I don't want my girls to think promises are something trivial we give out haphazardly.
You did not promise her an iPhone X 3 years ago. That is a new detail that's been added on later, you and your daughter are being ridiculous about this-- your wife is in the right. I feel sorry for your wife, YOU put her in a position of being the "bad guy" and you're still hoping to be a White Knight at her expense. So don't talk about "leading by example"... you have already set a bad example by throwing your wife under the bus here. So much for the "To love and honor" promise there.
Promises IRL are most likely to be broken, that's a Life Fact daughter's going to have to accept. She'll have to learn to be amenable and reasonable to others and herself.
Like others said already: Get the iPhone SE. My husband just got one with 64GB for 175 dollars. It does fulfill the "latest" factor as well. You can ask your daughter if is OK with her... and that she can walk away from this REALISTIC option, but that means you fulfilled your end and she chose not to take it.
My youngest daughter never asks for much as she hates burdening my wife and I in any way. This Christmas she asked for some candy and chocolate in her stocking plus a $25 Backpack from Tillys and a $13 book, so I already know there isn't going to be an issue with that.
You hope there isn't going to be an issue with that. You may not know for years.
I think she may be a kid who really, really wants to please mommy and daddy, no matter what. I'm sure she's a wonderful child. But she may be super perceptive and reactive to "keeping the peace" – while her older sister is not and simply wants what she wants – and hasn't been shy about arguing with her mother or letting you know in no uncertain terms that your income and societal status are an embarrassment to her. Your younger daughter is trying hard to stay out of the line of fire. It's having a larger effect on her than I think you realize.
Yes, your promise is the central problem at this time. It isn't the only problem and whether an iPhone X shows up for Christmas or not – won't be the last of it.
OP, did you have any idea of the cost of the phone before you promised her the iPhoneX?
If not, there's your out. Take it.
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