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So you have a really close friend, whom we'll call Allison, who is moving away. You hung out with Allison at parks, beaches, went to a few county fairs, and had dinner. But now, she is moving to another state, over 500 miles from you.
Unfortunately, you would be exactly right in thinking that your friendship with Allison is over. Allison may tell you that she will be back to visit, but after her move, you watch months turn into years, and years into decades without a single get-together, even for lunch, with her. And even a year or two after her move, you call or text her and she does not reply anymore. It is often then that you know; she has moved on in her life, the friendship is over, it's time to cut her out of your life and pretend like you never even met her.
When a friend is moving long distance, do not believe it at all if that friend tells you he/she will be back to visit and will take you out to dinner, the movies, etc. The day your friend moves is when the friendship terminates. The moving-away party is the best time to say your final goodbye to your friend as if saying goodbye to a deceased loved one at a funeral, cut that friend out of your life, and pretend like you never even met that person. In other words, forget about even making plans 40, or even 60 years in advance to go out for lunch with Allison. The friendship is over, Allison will never have time for you ever again, she lives too far away, you will never see her ever again for the rest of your whole life.
Friends at work, friends when both of your children are on a sports team together, friends when both of you are part of an organization, friends when both of you are in school, friends when both of you are young mothers, friends when both of your children are learning soccer or baseball, friends when your kids are in Little League together, friends when you are on an adult softball team together, etc
And the friendships end when the situation changes.
Okay?.... Sure, it happens. It's not an absolute though. Just this week, I got a call from a friend I used to go to school with, who now lives 1500 miles away. This past fall I met up with another friend, she drove 1000 miles, I drove 200. A third friend is flying in to have dinner next month.
The closeness is not the same, true. But the friendship can endure,no matter how many the miles in between. The now distant friends who I have lost touch with are not those who I had a deep connection with. I didn't do much to keep the friendship alive after I moved, so I can't complain.
I am a loyal friend, and have always been good at keeping in touch, or at least making sure people knew my new address and phone number (before social media). It can be difficult to realize that some friendships are out of convenience. I do have handful of good friends spread throughout the country because some friendships do last, in spite of great distance. Heck I moved a mile down the road and never see my old neighbor, who I thought was a good friend.
Less than a week ago, I had a great visit from a high school friend! It had been 45 years since we saw each other. We had two days of very pleasant visiting and catching up. We are also Facebook friends.
When my late Mother-in-Law died, some of the people at the Memorial service had been in her Cub Scout troop. When my Father-in-Law died, some "boys" from the from his Little League baseball team showed up. The Priest who did the funeral Mass had been a Kindergarten classmate.
Even if long distance friends stay in touch, the average length of time between get togethers, even for something as brief as going out to lunch or dinner, is about 30 years.
I disagree with OP. Friendship can be situational.
We've relocated several times and I still maintain friendships with people I've met in all of my relocation cities. I like to travel back to those places to see the area and visit my friends. They appear to welcome me with open arms and we act like nothing has changed.
I think friendship is a two way street, but BOTH people need to want it to happen and continue.
Even if long distance friends stay in touch, the average length of time between get togethers, even for something as brief as going out to lunch or dinner, is about 30 years.
A number you pulled out of your...hat? You sound like somebody who hasn't yet been around for 30 years.
It takes time to develop lasting friendships. It's rare to find them happening in a couple of years,no matter how much fun you have together.
I've moved several times as an adult, and made friends in each location. We stay in touch, thanks mostly to social media and texting, but the friends I travel long distances to see are the ones I've known far longer. And it doesn't seem to matter that months or years can go by between face-to-face meetings, because the connection was strong to begin with.
You hung out with Allison at parks, beaches, went to a few county fairs, and had dinner.
This doesn't sound to me like a description of a particularly close, lasting friendship.
I have friends who I went to college with in the 90's. Despite distance, we have shared amazing highs and lows together. We've laughted together, cried together, celebrated our achievements and milestones, and supported one another through the scariest moments (including stage 4 cancer in one case). We've vacationed together, we've helped each other move, we've been there for weddings and divorces, births and deaths. When my dad passed a year ago, they literally dropped everything to come be by my side. Two of them drove (2 and 5 hours) and two of them flew (at considerable expense for last minute flights).
So I'm sorry that Allison didn't come through as a true friend. But no, I don't agree that "the day your friend moves is when the friendship terminates."
Last edited by hertfordshire; 02-06-2018 at 08:37 PM..
Even if long distance friends stay in touch, the average length of time between get togethers, even for something as brief as going out to lunch or dinner, is about 30 years.
Where did you get that number? Some true long distance friends see each other yearly. For others, keeping in touch other ways is enough until they can manage to see each other.
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