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There's a woman that I've been acquainted with for a couple of years, that I rather like. She has some good qualities but there's one thing about her that I find offputting. She spends an inordinate amount of time talking about other people's relationship issues. She always has an opinion on everything to do with other people's situations or problems. If someone is talking about something or other related to dating, I look at her and I can tell that she's about to weigh in, and sure enough she does.
I like her but this concerns me because it makes me think that she's one of those people who really has nothing better to do than yap about other people's affairs. I can't help thinking that perhaps she doesn't have anything much to offer herself.
Am I overthinking it or could it be that this is a big red flag?
Well, if what you describe is all she talks about then obviously your instincts about her being a one trick pony is correct.
My Mom always said, If they talk about others to you....They'll talk about you to others. Consequently I have always avoided becoming friendly with gossipy folks.
There's a woman that I've been acquainted with for a couple of years, that I rather like. She has some good qualities but there's one thing about her that I find offputting. She spends an inordinate amount of time talking about other people's relationship issues. She always has an opinion on everything to do with other people's situations or problems. If someone is talking about something or other related to dating, I look at her and I can tell that she's about to weigh in, and sure enough she does.
I like her but this concerns me because it makes me think that she's one of those people who really has nothing better to do than yap about other people's affairs. I can't help thinking that perhaps she doesn't have anything much to offer herself.
Am I overthinking it or could it be that this is a big red flag?
The next time she falls into her routine, reach out and gently place a warm hand of 'sisterly-support' on her shoulder...smile benignly, and then turn on your heel and walk away, breathing a sigh of relief, because you have other concerns to attend to.
If you’re asking why she does this, it’s impossible for me to give you spefic reasonings.
The short answer is she gets something from doing so.
First, thanks to the original poster for articulating a behavior I was subjected to all my life by a very close family member. I could never understand until a permanent rupture the very dark reasons for this person's behavior.
Second, now, many years later, I consider it a form of sadism. In my case, the individual would not only talk about third parties and their problems, the longer I stayed and listened (captive audience), the more and more (and more) would be droned on. This person would sometimes spend hours talking about unknown celebrities on television or in film.
Third, several times in my life with this person, I had the courage to interrupt and ask, timidly, if we could change the subject. Although sometimes the answer was, "Oh, sure," it was as if I had burst a bubble, ruined the atmosphere, been a wet blanket. I never escaped from one of these torture-sessions, and I do consider this behavior a form of torture, in a positive way.
Fourth, I therefore would urge you to reconsider very strongly your affiliation with the person you wrote about. If the behavior is this bad now, it will only get worse. Much worse.
Fifth, and most important, this behavior is a tacit way of saying, "I'd rather talk about that gnat by the window than anything meaningful about us."
Wasting time via babble is madness. It is NOT what people do here on City-Data (at least the long-time regulars). It is madness-with-a-purpose: to show you how little you mean.
Phew, just thinking about this behavior raises my blood pressure. I hope you find someone who wants to talk about lovely sweet things: kindness witnessed, issues in the news, animals, philosophy, and, hey, maybe even you and what you're thinking, feeling, hoping, or just how your day went.
First, thanks to the original poster for articulating a behavior I was subjected to all my life by a very close family member. I could never understand until a permanent rupture the very dark reasons for this person's behavior.
Second, now, many years later, I consider it a form of sadism. In my case, the individual would not only talk about third parties and their problems, the longer I stayed and listened (captive audience), the more and more (and more) would be droned on. This person would sometimes spend hours talking about unknown celebrities on television or in film.
Third, several times in my life with this person, I had the courage to interrupt and ask, timidly, if we could change the subject. Although sometimes the answer was, "Oh, sure," it was as if I had burst a bubble, ruined the atmosphere, been a wet blanket. I never escaped from one of these torture-sessions, and I do consider this behavior a form of torture, in a positive way.
Fourth, I therefore would urge you to reconsider very strongly your affiliation with the person you wrote about. If the behavior is this bad now, it will only get worse. Much worse.
Fifth, and most important, this behavior is a tacit way of saying, "I'd rather talk about that gnat by the window than anything meaningful about us."
Wasting time via babble is madness. It is NOT what people do here on City-Data (at least the long-time regulars). It is madness-with-a-purpose: to show you how little you mean.
Phew, just thinking about this behavior raises my blood pressure. I hope you find someone who wants to talk about lovely sweet things: kindness witnessed, issues in the news, animals, philosophy, and, hey, maybe even you and what you're thinking, feeling, hoping, or just how your day went.
Well, we don't know if that's going on, as well. The OP hasn't answered questions about what else she talks about, what kinds of things they bond over, what interests they have in common. The OP claims to "rather like" this person, except for this one characteristics, so one can't help wonder what this person's redeeming qualities are. OP, could you fill in the picture for us? What is it that you like about this friend?
The OP claims to "rather like" this person, except for this one characteristics, so one can't help wonder what this person's redeeming qualities are. OP, could you fill in the picture for us? What is it that you like about this friend?
You're right! Hopefully those qualities aren't skin-deep. (Just speaking for myself, I'd rather drink bleach than have the most beautiful or handsome partner at the price of passive-aggression.)
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