Niece wants to abort baby, her bf wants to keep baby. What to do? (siblings, sister)
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I am an aunt and if one of my nieces came to me and asked me to help her out in this situation, I would do whatever SHE wanted. Screw the parents and the boyfriend. If she doesn't want this baby, that's all that matters. Support her decision, not anyone else's.
The reason I am asking this question is because I have, whether I like or not, gotten in the middle of all this drama. My sister and her husband will not pay for the abortion despite the fact they want my niece to get an abortion. They are extremely upset that my niece got pregnant in the first place, and refuse to pitch in financially. So I am paying for the abortion and have been offering emotional support to my niece( who has been through some emotional issues). My sister and her husband engage in tough love parenting, I do not, which is why she calls me a lot and comes to my house daily.
My niece's bfs family has found out that I may pay for this abortion depending on niece's decision, and have begged me to not do it. They are nice people but they have also now dragged me into this drama. I am trying to butt out like I mentioned in the first post, but I am curious if anyone who has been through a similar situation and what advice would you give my niece or other family members?
As much as I understand that you are trying to help your niece, I agree with the others that you should not be involved at all. This situation could get extremely ugly if the BF's family gets a lawyer involved over parental rights!
Well, it's already been a month. Depending on how quickly she learned she was pregnant, the decision will be made for her soon.
Ignore the BF's parents. You owe them nothing--not even a conversation about how you spend your money or support your niece. They are strangers to you.
Continue to support your niece in whatever decision SHE makes. It is hers alone and definitely not the young man's parents' decision. And yes, I expect some backlash for that statement.
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About how much is the abortion? I think in this situation, I'd write her a check, a gift, and let her decide how to spend it, in the amount of an abortion.
And then if she decides to keep the baby, she obviously will need $$ for a variety of things.
Your sister is acting kind of weird here, IMHO. It's kind of odd to counsel her to get an abortion and know that the niece can't pay for it, and certainly the father of the baby is not going to finance it. Why is your sister opining on this, if her opinion can't be carried out?
You can not get in this. You need to back off! If she wants an abortion, she needs to pay for it (or your sister). At any rate, you need to back away. This can get extremely ugly if the BF's family gets a lawyer involved over parental rights!
Exactly.
OP, you have no claim on this child if its born. And no obligation to keep it from being born. You are not mom. You are not the potential mother's parent no matter how much your niece comes to you for advice. You have overstepped in a big way.
If you were my sibling and my child was going through this, I would be extremely upset that you were getting involved.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 14 days ago)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kickingthebricks
Exactly.
OP, you have no claim on this child if its born. And no obligation to keep it from being born. You are not mom. You are not the potential mother's parent no matter how much your niece comes to you for advice. You have overstepped in a big way.
If you were my sibling and my child was going through this, I would be extremely upset that you were getting involved.
So you would tell your daughter to get an abortion, knowing she doesn't have the money, and be mad at the person who offered to provide the money?
One thing you can always count on this forum for, it's a response of "don't get involved", "break up", "kick them to the curb".
Some families are more involved with each other and become involved when needed.
Sure. But this is NOT the OP's place!
I would be livid if my child was going to my sister for something this important. This is NOT the OP's problem and its absolutely a can't win situation. Her involvement is not helping anything but just adding more input in a situation where none is needed.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 14 days ago)
35,652 posts, read 18,006,664 times
Reputation: 50689
Quote:
Originally Posted by kickingthebricks
Sure. But this is NOT the OP's place!
I would be livid if my child was going to my sister for something this important. This is NOT the OP's problem and its absolutely a can't win situation. Her involvement is not helping anything but just adding more input in a situation where none is needed.
Moderator cut: delete
And in my opinion, the OPs input is VERY much needed by the prime person in this situation, the niece. The niece's mother is peripheral, as is the boyfriend's family.
The niece, who is the prime focus, has come to the OP for help. That makes it her place, obviously, to have an opinion on whether to help the adult niece who has asked for her help.
And maybe the niece's mother should butt out, since no one is asking her opinion and she's refused already to help.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 04-10-2018 at 03:35 PM..
Reason: off topic
The reason I am asking this question is because I have, whether I like or not, gotten in the middle of all this drama. My sister and her husband will not pay for the abortion despite the fact they want my niece to get an abortion. They are extremely upset that my niece got pregnant in the first place, and refuse to pitch in financially. So I am paying for the abortion and have been offering emotional support to my niece( who has been through some emotional issues). My sister and her husband engage in tough love parenting, I do not, which is why she calls me a lot and comes to my house daily.
My niece's bfs family has found out that I may pay for this abortion depending on niece's decision, and have begged me to not do it. They are nice people but they have also now dragged me into this drama. I am trying to butt out like I mentioned in the first post, but I am curious if anyone who has been through a similar situation and what advice would you give my niece or other family members?
Since you are very involved in your niece's life, I'd encourage her to give the baby up for adoption.
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