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My point is that she (very likely) wouldn't have told off her mother and neighbor if she wasn't dealing with unrelated stress at the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
So? Sometimes you just need a little nudge to get past your passivity.
Give it up. You and I are never going to agree about this. I’m about empowering people and you’re about scolding them.
This is absurd. I don't know even know you. And you don't know me.
Again, it's never a good idea to take your aggressions out on others. That's not getting past your passivity. That's just being a jerk. And encouraging people to act that way is not empowering them.
So many of the responses in this thread, including yours, confirm that misery loves company.
I told my MIL off when she said that she expected each of her six kids to contribute $100 per month to her "vacation fund" -- which would have amounted to $7,200 per year. This was AFTER she blew all of her deceased husband's life insurance money on designer clothes, an expensive car, and dinners out, and my husband and I were both working full-time with very little extra to spare.
So, yes, I did tell her off (via letter), and I felt great afterward!!
Wow, what nerve she had! My MIL and SIL expected us to give them money for groceries. One bought booze and cigarettes and th3 other cigarettes. I was working, DH wasn't. So i told them politely that i wasn't busting my butt so they could sit on theirs. I also do not drink and smoke.
I sometimes regret not blasting my mother when she was alive. I wrote her a letter once, about a specific incident. I politely explained how it made me feel, and said I didn't like being treated that way.
She never mentioned the letter, but next time I saw her, she told the story of how her career was ruined when she discovered she was pregnant. She mentioned the age of my older siblings, so I was clearly the life-ruining fetus. She felt safe being nasty because my brother was there. (Not that I would get physical, she didn't want to hear whatever I might say.)
Mom kept on being herself, and I put more and more distance between us. I didn't speak to her the last three years of her life, and didn't go to her funeral. I don't regret either of those things.
Be nice or be nasty, people like that aren't going to change. Go ahead and yell at her. She deserves it. Then move away and don't get sucked back in.
So many of these examples seem to be coming from people who let their anger silently simmer for a long time before blowing up, and their targets may not have even known there was an issue.
How is that helpful? Speak up the first time you feel wronged, and don't blame others for behaviour you haven't even tried to remediate.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Life is too short to let people come for you and treat you wrong without consequences. I used to be nice and not tell people off. Now I have no issue telling off people if they p$#@ me off and don’t care what happens afterward. I’m willing to take whatever consequences happen to stand up for myself and answer wrong done to me,
Mom: "Why can't you be more like your sister?"
Me (in my head): "Why can't you treat me more like my sister?"
Oh I can't stand that!
Never had that issue with family members, but with supervisors at work. One day a boss told me: "I want you to do this (task) the way (another colleague) does it." I blew up at him and said among other things: "You want it done the way (name of colleague) does it, then get (name of colleague). I'm my own person and if you don't like my way of doing it, get someone else!"
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by steiconi
Mom: "Why can't you be more like your sister?"
Me (in my head): "Why can't you treat me more like my sister?"
That is bad, even worse when the child you’re compared to ain’t even related to you.
I had the same problem when I moved to DC and my mother befriended a woman with a perfect honor student daughter in the same grade while I was admittedly a degenerate B/C student. My mom asked me one day why can’t you be more like her? I responded “she is a daughter of a dad who was a college professor and is treated like an honor student. I’m a son of a lazy alcoholic dad and get treated like a ing criminal.” My mom obviously was furious with my response but I was not wrong.
I'm a big fan of telling people off. Most others will silently ignore (enable) them but they really need to be told off and stopped dead in their tracks when they are being toxic. Now this person knows they can't walk all over you.
Life is too short to let people come for you and treat you wrong without consequences. I used to be nice and not tell people off. Now I have no issue telling off people if they p$#@ me off and don’t care what happens afterward. I’m willing to take whatever consequences happen to stand up for myself and answer wrong done to me,
That's exactly what you should do. And most of the time, there are no consequences for telling someone off, anyway.
This is absurd. I don't know even know you. And you don't know me.
I know what you write on City-Data. If you're not intentionally scolding, here's your notice: You come across that way.
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ing criminal.” My mom obviously was furious with my response but I was not wrong.
