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This! Throwing birthdays parties for yourself? As an adult? Nope.
I keep seeing this here and in other threads about how tacky it is to throw yourself a birthday party. As it pertains to this specific thread, it's up to the OP on whether to attend but I think we all agree that it wasn't cool to expect an entry fee for attending.
However, and maybe it's the way it's phrased, but having your friends and family around you on your birthday is normal for many people. It's not that you might "throw a party" but rather, you're all gathering to celebrate a birthday and hang with your loved ones. I don't think that should stop because you've become an adult. Personally, I would never expect gifts, but I enjoy my people so this is a good reason to gather. My parents are in their 80's and also do the same. To be clear though, if I were hosting or inviting, I'd cover 100% because that's the right thing to do.
I grew up with my friend and have known each other for decades. He got married a few years ago and ever since has been acting differently. Lately he has had a pattern of becoming materialistic and frankly, extremely cheap. He makes very good money ($200k+), is a member at exclusive country clubs and does many high end trips with his wife.
I received a invitation to his birthday last week and he is charging $50 per person to attend. He is essentially renting out a bar and is trying to get everyone the pitch in for it. Between my wife and I, that’s $100 just to attend (not including food, presents, etc)
While my wife and I have the money, we are a little astonished that we have to pay an admission to attend our friends birthday. We host (and mutual friends of ours host all of us often) and typically we assume if you are hosting, you are paying. Sometimes we all host with “Potluck style” or ask the couple to bring wine/an appetizer, etc is the norm.
Does anyone else think it’s a bit tacky/cheap of my friend to charge everyone a room rental fee for his birthday? Am I making a big deal about nothing?
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It's tacky.
I'd still consider going, if the party would be fun enough to warrant $100, although I probably wouldn't bring a gift.
Does the invite have a guest list where you can see who all is going so you can decide how fun it's going to be for you?
Or else, since he led this whole thing by being tacky, can you ask in a few days who is going and say you're kind of on the fence whether you'll go pending who the other guests are?
Doing that is really terribly tacky, but not tackier than charging for his own self-hosted party. May as well all be on the same level.
I grew up with my friend and have known each other for decades. He got married a few years ago and ever since has been acting differently. Lately he has had a pattern of becoming materialistic and frankly, extremely cheap. He makes very good money ($200k+), is a member at exclusive country clubs and does many high end trips with his wife.
I received a invitation to his birthday last week and he is charging $50 per person to attend. He is essentially renting out a bar and is trying to get everyone the pitch in for it. Between my wife and I, that’s $100 just to attend (not including food, presents, etc)
While my wife and I have the money, we are a little astonished that we have to pay an admission to attend our friends birthday. We host (and mutual friends of ours host all of us often) and typically we assume if you are hosting, you are paying. Sometimes we all host with “Potluck style” or ask the couple to bring wine/an appetizer, etc is the norm.
Does anyone else think it’s a bit tacky/cheap of my friend to charge everyone a room rental fee for his birthday? Am I making a big deal about nothing?
I would assume that's just the "get in the door" price and doesn't cover drinks as well. We would choose not to attend because of the cost.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint
IMO it's tacky for adults to have birthday parties for themselves in the first place, and charging admission is way over the top. He must have a very inflated opinion of himself!
I disagree that it's tacky for adults to celebrate their birthday with friends and family.
I do agree that it's over the top to expect those folks to pay an admission price in addition to food and drinks.
I would assume that's just the "get in the door" price and doesn't cover drinks as well. We would choose not to attend because of the cost.
I disagree that it's tacky for adults to celebrate their birthday with friends and family.
I do agree that it's over the top to expect those folks to pay an admission price in addition to food and drinks.
My best friend had two birthday parties and they were a joy and a gift from her to us. One was centered around making food decorations for a big tree in the village for the birds. We all gathered around the tree and decorated it, drinking hot cider from flasks she had prepared and when done we sang Christmas carols.
The second party was a 60’s theme and it was a blast,no presents required other than our presence.
It seems over the top to declare one should not celebrate birthdays with families and friends but when it comes to the op’s friend charging guests that is a whole other issue. Perhaps the op can buy his friend a book on
Modern etiquette or how to lose friends in 10 easy steps.
I give my husband a birthday party every few years, and occasionally returns the favor. But we never charge to come. Gifts? We do a white elephant/yankee trader type exchange, where everybody brings a gag gift and goes home with something. Prizes for the most entertaining gifts.
Maybe you should talk to your friend and tell him you think it's tacky. Perhaps he'll change...
Some friends change as they grow either in their career or just because they are grown up and no longer have anything in common with their previous friends. I would let this friend go except to be polite when running into him anywhere. Sounds like he gets some kind of self worthiness on people paying to celebrate with him.
No, I don't think you're over reacting to your "friend" and their charging for people to attend to their birthday party. Is it an RSVP event? If so I would simply not respond, but that's me.
Personally I find it preposterous and cheap. I don't care where it is being hosted at, how much money your friend makes at their job, or how much it is costing your friend.
I have hosted events for my birthday in my home (patio) to celebrate my birthday and the very good friends that I have. It has been one of my greatest pleasures cooking and preparing the menu and we always have a spectacular time of it.
I don't see this person as a friend at all, not by any definition, so sorry!
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so sorry!
