Am i over reacting to my friend charging people to attend his birthday? (wife, presents)

[ima30something]

I grew up with my friend and have known each other for decades. He got married a few years ago and ever since has been acting differently. Lately he has had a pattern of becoming materialistic and frankly, extremely cheap. He makes very good money ($200k+), is a member at exclusive country clubs and does many high end trips with his wife.

I received a invitation to his birthday last week and he is charging $50 per person to attend. He is essentially renting out a bar and is trying to get everyone the pitch in for it. Between my wife and I, that’s $100 just to attend (not including food, presents, etc)

While my wife and I have the money, we are a little astonished that we have to pay an admission to attend our friends birthday. We host (and mutual friends of ours host all of us often) and typically we assume if you are hosting, you are paying. Sometimes we all host with “Potluck style” or ask the couple to bring wine/an appetizer, etc is the norm.

Does anyone else think it’s a bit tacky/cheap of my friend to charge everyone a room rental fee for his birthday? Am I making a big deal about nothing?

[Debsi]

I’d be busy that day.

[veuvegirl]

We had friends that started doing that too. Stopped attending their parties.

[prospectheightsresident]

If they charge to attend their party, that IS the gift in my view. And if they don't like it, tough.

That or you cannot just go. I'd go if the friend is otherwise good company, but my admission fee would be my gift.

[Harpaint]

IMO it's tacky for adults to have birthday parties for themselves in the first place, and charging admission is way over the top. He must have a very inflated opinion of himself!

[Mister 7]

He makes 200k+ and wants to charge people to come to his bday party?

If I made 20k a year I'd still be glad if my friends just wanted to get together.

I'm 36 and next year will be my 13th year in a row at this local hibachi place. It's not cheap dining, but people always come!

Nobody really does things for anyone else's bday anymore, but everyone still gets together for this. Guess I have some good friends!

[PippySkiddles]

Originally Posted by ima30something

Does anyone else think it’s a bit tacky/cheap of my friend to charge everyone a room rental fee for his birthday? Am I making a big deal about nothing?

It is totally tacky and cheap and shows no sense of decorum or class.

[redplum33]

Originally Posted by ima30something

I grew up with my friend and have known each other for decades. He got married a few years ago and ever since has been acting differently. Lately he has had a pattern of becoming materialistic and frankly, extremely cheap. He makes very good money ($200k+), is a member at exclusive country clubs and does many high end trips with his wife.

I received a invitation to his birthday last week and he is charging $50 per person to attend. He is essentially renting out a bar and is trying to get everyone the pitch in for it. Between my wife and I, that’s $100 just to attend (not including food, presents, etc)

While my wife and I have the money, we are a little astonished that we have to pay an admission to attend our friends birthday. We host (and mutual friends of ours host all of us often) and typically we assume if you are hosting, you are paying. Sometimes we all host with “Potluck style” or ask the couple to bring wine/an appetizer, etc is the norm.

Does anyone else think it’s a bit tacky/cheap of my friend to charge everyone a room rental fee for his birthday? Am I making a big deal about nothing?

I'm not sure it's fair to make that comparison. He is renting out a bar for this party. Your parties are at your home.

But I don't think you're making a big deal about nothing. I think it's pretty cheesy to rent out a place and then expect the guests to cover the costs. It would be a different story if this person ran the idea by you (and the other potential guests) beforehand - basically asking if everyone would be willing to chip in to rent out the bar. The fact that he didn't do that, and just went ahead and rented, and now expects the guests to chip in....well, it's not cool.

But I guess it is what it is. Do you want to miss your lifelong friend's party? I think you should go.

[lkmax]

I think it's tacky, but I'd probably still pay and go if I wanted to.

[Spuggy]

Wow! Tacky indeed. Just send him a birthday card and the gift you were planning to get anyway and skip the invite.