Buying a house and letting my mom and siblings move in. Is dating for me doomed?

[Harpaint]

Originally Posted by treemoni

Yet another assumption that's incorrect. I can't stand close-minded, judgmental people. I find them to be the reason this country is in the toilet and sometimes my annoyance with them shows. This topic is an example of that. Next time try asking questions instead of making things up in your head.

haha Pot meet Kettle

Better not look in the mirror if you can't stand close minded, JUDGMENTAL people.

[treemoni]

You guys seem angry.

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by Nov3

Yet again...the point was missed. The OP made a statement that the relative wished not to go back into the food industry and the avg reader "presumed" the relative was a deadbeat. I was giving thought for those who weed thru over generalizations to clarify that the relative isn't being a deadbeat. But may in fact be regrouping to find another field of work.

For the poster who wrote " don't EVER", let family reside.....Bravo for encouraging humility when times are tough. You affirm why I value dearly the few family members who DID give a roof when I lost my job and had a fire ....some of us have to swallow our pride...accept help and remind ourselves to do better ...The OP hopefully takes heed to the wisdom shared whIle weighing in on the long term benefits/impact.

The point is not missed. You are assuming the sister is "regrouping." Even if she is, this needn't become the OP's problem. Her choice to "regroup " or whatever. Her choice to not work rather than work in food service. No one owes her a roof over her head. Same with mom. Her choice to build furniture instead of hold a steady job with a paycheck.

Originally Posted by MinivanDriver

The only person who is close-minded and judgmental is you. The OP was pretty explicit in laying out the dynamic of his family. He has a mother whose business doesn't earn enough money to live on. He has two siblings who refuse to seek work of any description. I mean, if the OP is being truthful, how much further information do you really need?

What's more, while obligation to family is important, it works both ways. If I'm a family that's fallen on hard times, if my mom isn't making ends meet, then I'm finding a way to help the family out financially. The fact that neither the brother or sister of the OP has done so speaks volumes. The fact that the mother absolutely refuses to work speaks volumes.

I mean, if the OP had said, "My brother and sister are working part-time jobs while they go to school," then it would be a completely different story. If the OP had said, "My mom's business is a bit slack right now, so she's driving Uber (Or waiting tablesO to make extra cash," then I would have a completely different answer. The same would be true if, say, the family members had some chronic health problems. But the evident lack of trying on the part of able-bodied people tells me everything I need to know.

Character comes through in actions, not words. If what the OP says is indeed accurate, then he's dealing with freeloaders, family members whom he can't realistically expect to become self-sufficient. And, family or not, he has to think of himself first.

This.

[Ron61]

Originally Posted by socool13

Ok..... I am 31 years old. And yes, I am American and live in America. Born and raised. I recently purchased my first home. I've been extremely excited to have the house all to myself, but the rest of my family needs help.

My mom has a 5 year old and they sleep in the same bed because there are only three rooms in the house and my brother and sister are in their late 20's. They all live with each other and pay rent in another house. My mom doesn't work where she gets a weekly check. She works independently where she builds furniture and sells them online. She refuses to work for someone as it stresses her out greatly. She used to, but hasn't since having her daughter. My brother and sister don't have jobs. They are in online school doing coding from home. My sister has been in online school for 4-5 years and about to graduate and look for a jobm and my brother has been in online school for a year. Neither of them work jobs. My sister refuses to work in food service again and my brother hasn't really had a job his entire life. My dad gives them money every month. My moms daughter was enrolled in school this year, but had to be taken out because she somehow broke her arm twice within 2 months and my mom thinks that the teacher knows more than whats being told. The school system also isn't very good as it's in a low income area. . Dad divorced my mother 10 years ago and lives in another state.

My mom gets child support every month and her furniture making business slows down at times, so she struggles to pay rent at times even with my brother and sister getting money from my dad every month. (some months he doesn't send them anything because he doesn't have the money).

So as you can see, I'm in a pickle here. My family has never had much money and I don't like seeing my mother struggle and stress herself out every month paying rent.

So what I am thinking is having my mother and her daughter, brother and sister all move in and save up. I wont be charging my mother any rent. I just want her to save up every penny, but both my brother and sister will be paying me rent. The school system is also a lot better in the area I moved to. I also want my brother and sister to finish school and get jobs.

My question is, will women look at me differently if I don't have a house to myself even though it's mine? I have a job and everything. I'd like to be in relationships, but have a feeling women will look at my situation the wrong way and think I am not truly independent when all I am trying to do is provide my family with a better life by getting them to save money and then move out.

Do this and life as you now know it is over. Seriously, you would be better off kicking a few $$$ to the family once in awhile vs. letting move in and destroy your life.