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Agreed. There's that old saying about nobody knows what goes on in a marriage except the people who are in it.
And you are absolutely correct. A venting during a long drive to someone you knew for a long time who then posts this on a public forum is in my book a violation to the confidence she had in him.
I was raised in a fundamentalist-ish family and church. My parents did not hew strictly to the husband as boss in the family stereotype. My DH was raised the same but his mom put up with no nonsense from anyone. He does not expect me to obey him. We talk over all of our major decisions. Neither of us spends large sums of money without consulting the other.
Many years ago, when I was visiting my mom and dad, I attended their church and was there for a class. An older guy stood up and lamented to the attendees that preachers no longer preached about the man being the head of the family, and that he was the spiritual head of the house, etc. He was quite intense, and honestly unattractive as he raved on. Later I asked my mom, "Who was the crazy guy raving in class?" She said, "Oh that's so and so. He has trouble staying married."
I am sure there are dominant men in many marriages, not just Christian marriages. Men are quite dominant in Muslim homes, I think. Probably they are not all tyrants though. We cannot know why women stay in difficult marriages, or why men do the same. Men making financial decisions that harm a woman's career are stupid. You need both incomes these days, to be able to educate children and plan for retirement. But I don't know motives. Perhaps the men have ulterior motives, or perhaps the women lack confidence in their ability to make career or financial decisions.
I do feel very sorry for "Kellie" though. She sounds miserable in her life. I would hate to live like that.
No, she wasn't miserable. I think 'wistful' is the better adjective to describe her frame of mind.
It is hard to know, but some women must be happy in their relationships,even though we cannot understand them.
One of my g/f was born & raised in Japan. Her husband was American. I felt he was abusive, he did not allow her to do many things ( she had to get permission to go to lunch with me, another female) & she would get for lunch, whatever he wanted so she only ate a few bites & took the rest home to him. He also did not allow her to read the newspaper before him, & made her eat chicken every day, but cook him steaks & have liquor ( he wanted to be sure she stayed healthy to look after him ) so she also had to get on the treadmill. I was appalled, but she seemed happy. And much more, (tales of abuse). When he died, I thought it will be great, now 'A' can live a happy life without him telling her what to do, but she was miserable without him.
I questioned her, in a polite way, about it, & she just said, it was the way she was brought up. I accepted it, as her friend. But I never forgave the husband for being so demeaning, he was American & knew he should treat women better than a sex slave.
And you are absolutely correct. A venting during a long drive to someone you knew for a long time who then posts this on a public forum is in my book a violation to the confidence she had in him.
That's ridiculous.
I haven't violated anything. She's dead, he's dead, and I am not using real names. Instead, I told her story in the spirit of this forum.
Have you never discussed anything on this forum about a third person and the life he or she lives? If so, then it makes you a hypocrite of the first order to criticize anything anyone else writes.
Some poor business decisions made by high-profile business owners could stem back to the "Boss".
Never overlook the PBT's: Powers Behind The Thrones.
Warren Buffett has noted that a significant driver of the American boom-and-bust cycle is spouses who encourage their other halves to engage in risky business ventures, especially real estate speculation. They see their friends "getting rich" by flipping houses etc., and note that those friends aren't any smarter than their own husbands.
That situation doesn't sound good. I would rather be divorced.
Me, too. Hence, 2 divorces for me after only being married for 2 years each give or take, even if I lived for them longer before that.
I guess that's why I just can't wrap my head around the decision to stay by really brilliant women, in these types of situations, where they have money and good careers, etc.
Do you feel her husband is intentionally sabotaging her career? Sometimes it CAN be unintentional. Maybe he wishes she would re-invest herself in her family.
I'm glad that you validated the daughter's achievements; you didn't have to do that & it was very nice of you to do so.
Well, it's unclear. On the one hand, he really sees himself as a brilliant strategist and likes to think of himself as good material as a potential lawyer. He's said he would like to go to law school next. This from a guy who just got his PhD, while his wife took care of the kids he said he wanted that she didn't want.....
I did study law and stopped before getting my JD because of a car accident and other things, but he's made comments to her about how he wants to go to law school and drag me along with him.
I just laugh and ignore it but think, yeah, if you think you can drag me along to do your homework for you, or be your secretary, you're out of your ever-lovin' mind.
This from the guy who asked me to edit his thesis, and then got angry with me when I said I thought I should re-write the whole thing - in a nice way. But, it was impossible to understand! His mentor who decided whether or not he got his PhD kept telling him to re-write it. He finally got approved, but I can tell you that just because someone gets their PhD, doesn't mean they can string a sentence together.
And his subject wasn't anything he was passionate about. All he had to do was find some angle on pre-existing studies that hadn't been pursued. He's lazy and can't write to save his life. But, welcome to the academic world. he now has a PhD and the ego to go with it, and the missing years he could have been spending with his young daughters and new wife - but - had to one-up her on the academic sphere.
So, I'm not sure he's sabotaging her on a conscious level, but, I would not put it past him. You'd have to completely disregard any intellect on his behalf, to not consider that he's completely aware that if he can destroy their equity and her career, that she would have a difficult time leaving him.
He does, also, though, want to get revenge on their employer - but - he is not willing to lose his job over it. He is, however, willing to let her lose her job over his anonymous whistleblower complaint (letting them think she made it, while pretending he knows nothing), and then say that they should sell the house to sue them, and that even if his wife goes down, at least she'll take their employer down with her.
Without the rational observation that that means his wife's career "goes down."
It's kind of like trying to rationalize that Trump really didn't know what was happening in Ukraine, or Giuliano, etc. Is it possible? Maybe by some nano fraction. Is that likely? Not on your life.
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