My friends didn’t reach out to me after my grandmother died (person, member)
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Two of my close friends didn’t reach out to me when my grandmother died three weeks ago. They definitely knew, but I have no idea why they didn’t at least text me or anything. Now, one of them is having a birthday dinner on the 26th and invited me (never mentioned anything about my loss). I debated whether I should even answer the text, but I did. I was pretty upset that they didn’t reach out to me three weeks ago, but I’m just not sure if should just forget about it and move on and go to the dinner.
Were you particularly close to your gran? Did she help raise you, or something? Your friends may not have known it was a big deal. People have a wide variety of relationship with grandparents. Not everyone is very close with theirs.
If I was upset at the loss of a loved one I too would be hurt ,or confused, at the lack of condolences. It’s really not that difficult to say “I’m sorry for your loss” or send an email, card or text. Me, I’d feel too disturbed by the lack of compassion or empathy from a friend and would find it hard to pretend otherwise, particularly at a birthday party and so woukd decline the invitation with a sorry that I’m still grieving but of course would send a card.
OP, how did they find out she passed away? Did you call them or did you post it on fb or something.
People put so much stuff on fb nowadays. It's easily lost among other real issues going on.
Maybe you should just call and talk to your friends. If they are close to you they understand and will likely feel bad for not calling you.
I had a similar experience with a couple of close friends after my grandma died too. I came to realize that not everyone has or had as close of a relationship with their grandparents as I did, so for them it didn't seem like such a big deal. People tend to filter things through their own lens of experience and they assume that others would have similar feelings about things. I think it's possible that could be the case with your friends too.
If I was upset at the loss of a loved one I too would be hurt ,or confused, at the lack of condolences. It’s really not that difficult to say “I’m sorry for your loss” or send an email, card or text. Me, I’d feel too disturbed by the lack of compassion or empathy from a friend and would find it hard to pretend otherwise, particularly at a birthday party and so woukd decline the invitation with a sorry that I’m still grieving but of course would send a card.
This is a great idea! It would not only let the OP off the hook at a difficult time, but would send a hint to the birthday person.
Were you particularly close to your gran? Did she help raise you, or something? Your friends may not have known it was a big deal. People have a wide variety of relationship with grandparents. Not everyone is very close with theirs.
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Sorry, for most people a death in the family is a big deal. The OP said they knew about it.
We live in a very "all about me" society today, worse than the 80s which was known as the "me decade".
Obviously the OP was close to their grandmother, what does having been raised by her have do with anything? It was her grandmother.
OP must be in their mid 20s and this was most likely their first death in the family, as we all know it's get worse as we get older.
OP, I would take the suggestion given that you are still grieving and skip the party, some people must be raised by wolves.
Two of my close friends didn’t reach out to me when my grandmother died three weeks ago. They definitely knew, but I have no idea why they didn’t at least text me or anything. Now, one of them is having a birthday dinner on the 26th and invited me (never mentioned anything about my loss). I debated whether I should even answer the text, but I did. I was pretty upset that they didn’t reach out to me three weeks ago, but I’m just not sure if should just forget about it and move on and go to the dinner.
Should I just let it go?
Yes, let it go.
I'm sorry you miss your grandma, but the world goes on. It would be stupid to ruin a friendship because someone didn't realize how much she meant to you.
Either go and celebrate your friend's birthday, or stay home and mourn, but don't mix the two.
I had a similar experience with a couple of close friends after my grandma died too. I came to realize that not everyone has or had as close of a relationship with their grandparents as I did, so for them it didn't seem like such a big deal. People tend to filter things through their own lens of experience and they assume that others would have similar feelings about things. I think it's possible that could be the case with your friends too.
Regardless, it takes little to no effort to acknowledge the death. A real friend would know that.
It's more of a case of being self absorbed, which is the norm sadly these days.
Loss of loved ones is going to happen to EVERYONE at some point. People should remember that.
I'm sorry you miss your grandma, but the world goes on. It would be stupid to ruin a friendship because someone didn't realize how much she meant to you.
Either go and celebrate your friend's birthday, or stay home and mourn, but don't mix the two.
Sometimes situations like this is good time revaluate friendships.
People who do stuff like this are usually "fair weather friends". They won't be there for you when you get laid off and might need some networking to find another job, or you have a health scare, etc.
Doesn't mean you have to drop them, but you know they're limited and act in kind.
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