Quote:
Originally Posted by urbancharlotte
I enjoy life here, but there have been days when I questioned wanting to live here due to racism. On a typical day, I see a city full of diverse families. However, there was one day (6 years ago) when my lady was called "white trash" by a group of black females near the transit center downtown. There was an incident 2 years ago when I was called a "monkey N-word" by a white male.
In my experience, Charlotte has been 80% accepting and 15% tolerating. There's still that loud-mouth 5% who doesn't like it and they will let you know in some weird way. I've had waitresses comment on how beautiful my family is while showing us pics of her husband and biracial kids. I've also had waitresses who assumed that my wife and I were not a couple and brought us out separate checks.
Two years ago, I got divorced and I'm now in a relationship with a black girl (same race as me) instead of a white girl. I've certainly noticed a difference in how blacks treat me now vs how they treated me when I had a white wife. Some have even made the comment "Man, I had it all wrong about you, I thought you was one of THOSE types of brothas".
So yeah, even in a diverse New South city like Charlotte, there are some blacks your husband will lose "points" with automatically for being married to you. I'm certain you will lose cool points with some whites as well.
With all that said, Charlotte is light years ahead of some northern cities when it comes to race relations. After a few trips to Philly and Chicago, I realized that Charlotte was actually much closer to being colorblind than those cities. Especially New England; that's got to be one of the most liberal and racist areas in the Nation.
Overall, the south has come a long way. I believe this is due to the fact that southern whites and southern blacks have had to deal with each other for centuries now. Regionally, the south has the Nation's highest percentage of blacks. With this comes more "black culture". Black dudes with white wives is slowly becoming more accepted within black culture, but it's still frowned upon by some no matter where you go.
After reading your experiences, I think Charlotte will be a breath of fresh air for you and your family. It won't be perfect here, but any city that claims perfection when it comes to race is lying. Flocking together by race, religion, and language is still a normal thing with us human beings. So for those of us who decide to embrace a colorblind existence; we'll be the minority for years to come.
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I am thinking on Northern California, NoVa (still) and even Minneapolis and Seattle as possible areas at this point.
Ditto on losing cool points... but in reality, I know who I am and I haven't lost any points at all. They are the ones who are losing..in mentality
I know how different it feels to be out with someone of the same race also even if it means I go somewhere with a parent or sibling- more respect all day- in NC anyway most of the time. However, I have noticed as well that it ain't all sunshine and rainbows and we all experience problems in life but some things do make those problems greater.
As far as being treated separate, when we were at Great Wolf, the girl admitting people was confused that we were together and then a man with a church t-shirt stared me down with a guilty stare and sort of a look of pity. I just gaze back with the "what?" face.
As far as being one of THOSE types of brothas, I have seen this happen to my husband. He has family who would prefer to see him play the field than be settled down with a white woman. Crazy society we live in. With that said, there are some extended family who have stuck by me and actually "get" me and care for me. In addition, I have things whispered to me that would never be whispered if my husband were around and I have voiced that I don't want to hear such things.
All of this is just to respond to your experience. I don't intend to grovel in what has happened but to find an environment that might better support us. What matters is what is done about it. I have learned that this is most likely not the place for us. A person can only take so much. I have a relative who swears that it is not about the area but the couple. I have a friend who says we should go wherever we want whether the deep south or whatever. It has become crystal clear that one cannot understand if he/she has not walked in the same shoes as much as they would like to offer numerous opinions. If I can be surprised still by things that don't happen everyday to a couple like us,but pop up from a random person, there is no way that a someone not in an interracial relationship can understand what happens. This is not to say everything is 100% bad, but the privileges I had in my younger years are a thing of the past. My experiences out alone and out as a family are literally night and day. I intend on finding and moving to the best place for us, no matter where it is.
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