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*For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
*For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
*For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX. Things I've learned from my children
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh", it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Austin has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy, and cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Amen brothas! But i didn't need any of those to convince me - I knew I didn't want kids from the day I "understood" - & have agreed with myself on the decision ever since!
After the 1st 15 years, things get exciting. Multiple girlfriends can cause some confusion, and saying Hi Karen to a girl on the phone when her name is Kristina (Karen was the last one) will make a son's life miserable. 17 yr old boys carry grudges over little mistakes like these. Even though every boy becomes a jerk about the age of 15, and doesn't become reasonable for about a year.
My 8 year old called the cops on my 5 year old because he took the toy from him. - all I can say is that they keep you on your toes. You need to be 1000 steps ahead of them. They will try anything and everything. Most of the things aren't funny but I do enjoy watching them. I have 3 boys and they are my life and they are keeping me young.
if only kids were more like cats.....already potty-trained, and if you're gone for the weekend you just have to leave them a bowl of food and you're golden
also, the cost of raising children to the age of 18 is rather expensive. i'm not saying that kids aren't worth the expense, but i think that many people don't realize how expensive having children can be. Cost of Raising Kids Table: Family & College - MSN Money (http://www.moneycentral.msn.com/articles/family/kids/tlkidscost.asp - broken link)
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But i didn't need any of those to convince me - I knew I didn't want kids from the day I "understood" - & have agreed with myself on the decision ever since! 
