Teen's Weight gain

[DewDropInn]

Sounds like you had a talk with her about her weight as soon as she got home.

She's a teen. Her body is changing and her weight may go up. (Or down.) Puberty 101.

As long as she's eating healthy foods and exercising I would definitely not be "on" her about this. Do you know your family tree? Ethnicity? Some women are just never going to be slim little things. (And I'm not condoning fat-ness for a teen.) But genes or DNA or Grandma Ruth may be hiding inside her and she's going to have what we used to call "a little meat on her".

Teens in puberty have it hard enough. Their bodies are changing. Their brains aren't developed. Love her and support her. Do not back her up against the wall when she gains weight.

(Anyone remember Karen Carpenter? Wonderful, talented singer but people started calling her "chunky" and she became anorexic. And died at 33 because of it.)

[gimme it]

my thoughts are that in your home your daughter feels compelled to watch what she eats. When she is away from parental disapproval she goes all out and over does it. It's like the kid who isn't allowed to watch tv. When they go to a friend's house with tv, you can't pry them away. My child has friends who are not allowed sweets, and when they come here all they want is snack food, no interest in anything healthy. I think if your teen was able to eat a variety of things in moderation at home she would not go to town when she is away.

I hate to say this, but please be careful. You sound terrified that she will get fat. Your dd will pick up on that. The root of most eating disorders is the mother/daughter relationship. Often the mom is super controlling and the daughter finds that the only thing she has control over is what she puts in her mouth.

[lucygirl951]

Aside from the hostility in some posts, the discussion was interesting. My ten-year-old daughter loves food and wants to over-eat. She's at a healthy weight now, but as someone who was chubby off and on during my teen years (due entirely to over-eating), I struggle with how to talk to her about nutrition and weight without bringing my issues into it. I was miserable about my weight for my entire teen life, well into my 20s, actually, and I never felt comfortable in my skin. I don't want that for my daughter. I don't have a hang-up about her physical attractiveness. I want her to feel good about herself, and I know from experience that no matter how much my mother told me I was pretty, the culture told me something else.

I think the op has a valid concern that goes beyond what her daughter looks like. It is hard to figure out how to talk to girls about their weight, and if they spend a lot of time with people with unhealthy habits, they will likely follow those patterns. Don't we all eat more when we're with our friends who like to eat? How does a mother tell her daughter that the friend and the friend's family are wonderful people but that their eating habits are incredibly unhealthy? How do we teach our daughters how to make better dietary choices without making judgments about others' choices? I honestly don't know, but I found this discussion helpful.

[gimme it]

We are all being politically correct using the phrase, "making healthy choices", but as women, if we are honest with ourselves, the fear is that our daughters will become fat. Bottom line. I have a skinny girl, but when I see her asking for something else to eat after eating dinner and a bowl of ice cream, I wonder if one day she won't be able to get away with that kind of indulging. We have to be honest with ourselves. We want our daughters to be attractive, lean and fit into society. How many of you have looked at your daughter's friends and secretly compared your daughters to them? I have. Not proud of it, but Im secretly proud that my daughter is thin. I just try to keep myself in check and remind myself that it's all about me and my issues.