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Start with your husband. It sounds like you and he aren't on the same page and have basically let your son go with his eating habits, so coming down on him at this point would be a big jump from allowing his lack of manners up until now.
Have a conversation with your husband maybe in the evening in private, and discuss this thread, maybe having him read it. Let him know that your son is way too old to be eating like a pig, and something needs to be done.
THEN have a conversation with your son, you AND dad, and let him know what manners are to be expected from now on. That's only fair since it's been let go all this time.
After the conversation, both of you remind your son when he's being sloppy and expect him to eat appropriately. ONLY AFTER THAT should he be reprimanded in any way.
Give your son a chance to rise to the challenge of what you and your husband expect from this day forward and see how he does.
I belong to a Mothers of Preschoolers group and we once had a speaker address this issue.
She suggested planning a fancy dinner night where you turn your dining room into a restaurant and give your child a chance to practice the manners you've taught him/her during the preceeding week.
Spend a week going over basic manners like saying please and thank you and not chewing with your mouth open, talking with your mouth full or eating before everyone is seated.
On the night of the special dinner prepare a favorite meal, encourage everyone to wear something nice to the table and print up a menu. You can light candles and use your best dishes, too.
Throughout the dinner compliment your son on his good manners and hopefully, he'll continue to use them.
I think that in order for 11 year old kids to learn manners, their parents need to not only have some of their own, but recognize and appreciate that table manners are one (of many) things that differentiate us from other animal species. We had fun growing up turning grapefruits inside out and scraping the pulp off with our teeth like dad did, but we knew better than to do that in a restaurant.
We knew it was perfectly fine to leave our napkins on the table when we were eating at home, but we knew how to drape them on our laps when we were in restaurants. We didn't need to use a salad fork -and- a dinner fork at home, but we knew the difference, and could use each appropriately when we were visiting our grandparents.
In fact it's my grandmother who taught me:
Mabel, Mabel, strong and able.
Get your elbows off the table.
That was 45 years ago. I never forgot.
I have never understood the no elbows on the table.
If I am sitting at a table to eat, I am there to eat and I don't want to constantly think of where my elbows are. Plus I am small and my arms aren't that long, when I reach onto the table to grab something my elbow is easily on the table within seconds.
And I prefer smaller forks. I hate those huge forks. My hands fit inside of children sized goalie gloves, last thing I want is some giant fork. LOL
And im not like a midget or underdeveloped...I am just small. 5'3'', 130, size 6.
Yeah I'm 5'3" and I was taught to keep my elbows off the table and use a "big girl's fork" when I was big enough to not need a high chair or the Yellow Pages under my rump. As I said before, it's called behaving like a civilized adult.
If you want to be slovenly in the comfort and privacy of your own home, go for it. At McDonald's, no one's going to care. But when you start going to big girls' restaurants and are sitting with the VP of Marketing who is interviewing you for a job as the company's Press Secretary, you'd better know where those elbows belong, and where they do NOT belong, pronto.
If you want to live in a civilized adult's world, then you have to learn how to behave like a civilized adult. If you don't care that civilized adults look upon your behavior as barbaric, primitive, and low-rent, then don't worry about the half-chewed bread falling from your mouth, the napkin sprawled on top of your salad plate, a crouton on your lap, and trying to use your teeth to break up a lobster shell while the lobster fork is sitting neatly beside your dish.
txtqueen, if you ever get to Europe you are going to find people eating HAMBURGERS with a knife and fork.
Yeap. And fruit too. We do not label any food as finger food. Things that are cut up small when served are eaten with tooth picks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen
I have never understood the no elbows on the table.
It means no resting your elbows on the table. Some people put them on the table and then lean over. Also I have seen the head resting on the hand while the elbow is on the table.
Yeah I'm 5'3" and I was taught to keep my elbows off the table and use a "big girl's fork" when I was big enough to not need a high chair or the Yellow Pages under my rump. As I said before, it's called behaving like a civilized adult.
If you want to be slovenly in the comfort and privacy of your own home, go for it. At McDonald's, no one's going to care. But when you start going to big girls' restaurants and are sitting with the VP of Marketing who is interviewing you for a job as the company's Press Secretary, you'd better know where those elbows belong, and where they do NOT belong, pronto.
If you want to live in a civilized adult's world, then you have to learn how to behave like a civilized adult. If you don't care that civilized adults look upon your behavior as barbaric, primitive, and low-rent, then don't worry about the half-chewed bread falling from your mouth, the napkin sprawled on top of your salad plate, a crouton on your lap, and trying to use your teeth to break up a lobster shell while the lobster fork is sitting neatly beside your dish.
I don't eat like that. I eat crab and lobster all the time and know how to properly eat it.
I don't eat like a slob. I have good table manners, I just don't believe in the no elbows on the table because I don't get why, I don't understand it and it seems pretty pointless. Really, its elbows on a table, I bet there is some 16th century reasoning behind it.
I also prefer smaller forks because it simply makes it easier on me, not to have a fork much bigger than my hands. We have different sized forks here at my house, my brother uses the bigger ones and I use the small ones.
Yes, you're using the salad fork. It's called a salad fork, because it is intended for you to use with your salad and appetizer. All table settings come with them, not just that one. This is something, again, you should have been taught when you were a very young child. Again, I am a small person also. 5'3" just like you. I wear a boy's size small gloves. Not an adult woman's size small, a boy's size small. I have tiny little hands. And somehow, I managed to learn how to use a dinner fork. That's what the big girl's fork is called, in the world of civilized adulthood.
And please, my fellow posters: Teach your children not to "double dip".
I beg of you.
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