Teen-ager 'doesn't have time' to cut the grass? (allowance, parents, boys)
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Have I posted about this before? Because it's driving me INSANE.
So my son is busy - yes. He is in school all day - then directly to swim practice for 2 1/2 hours. BUT, he has Wednesday's off. AND he swims on Saturday from 7:15 to 10:15 am. "Too tired" after that.
On Sundays, the day of HIS choice, he has to attend 4 hours of driving school for the next six weeks. Per our state requirements. *Too tired* after that too.
IS he too busy right now to cut the grass? Or . . . just doesn't want to. I mean, I know he needs some downtime ~ but I need some help around the house.
He's been so spoiled with everything revolving around him and his sport, but he's soon to be 16 and this will now be HIS job. Summers he will be free after 9:00 am so I know he'll have time then.
Should I be too busy to take him to practice every day? Cause I do have a full time job and I'm pretty damn busy myself.
If he has an allowance cut it off, and instead pay him for cutting the grass but never give him money for anything if he can't help at all around the house. Just tell him that if he can't do that one thing for you then you will not give him money but if he wants $10 or whatever you want to give him for cutting the grass that's what he's going to have to do.
And remind him that you also are rather busy and sometimes tired but you take him places and you believe he owes you something in return.
So another question. Sunday is rolling around tomorrow. IF he doesn't cut the grass before his class starts at 1:00 ~ should I go ahead and do it?
I mean, I wish it could wait until he has the time - but it can't. The neighbors around here get unhappy if your yard doesn't look squeaky clean.
So, I will do it if have to ~ to keep the peace with my neighbors ~ but then what are his repercussions for not doing it?
I have to drive to practice because I'm in the carpool. BUT, I guess he could miss one night. OR I could NOT find the time to drive to the swim store for that new suit for his meet. That will really get him down because he has a meet coming up this week-end.
I'm really struggling with this and it's ridiculous. Sigh. He used to be such an easy child . . . . now I'm swimming in strange water because I've not really encountered a whole lot of resistance. Good student; good grades; dedicated athlete . . . now this bone of contention between us all the time. Hate it!
Should I be too busy to take him to practice every day? Cause I do have a full time job and I'm pretty damn busy myself.
Yes you should. Make an agreement with him: I will take you to practices, you mow the lawn. If he refuses to mow, let him walk or take the bus. Or miss swimming. Then it becomes his choice whether he gets to go to swimming or not.
I'm not really into the "tit for tat" approach. He's 16. It's time to sit him down and explain that everyone in the house has responsibilities. Yours is to go to work and earn the money to keep the roof overhead, the pantry full, you also ensure the clothes and house are clean, he has clothes to wear and the mulitude of other things you do. His responsibilities are going to school, keeping good grades, taking out the garbage (?) and mowing.
He's a big boy now and time to learn that being tired is not going to cut it. His swim coach wouldn't put up with it, why would he expect you to? The problem is that you are "asking him". You should be "telling him". There's no negoitation - it just is what it is. Not only that, don't put up with a half-a$$ed job when he does do it. He should do it in the same way he does things in school and in sports. With full effort for a good outcome. It's time to stop coaxing him now like we do with 2-12 year-olds. He's a young man and he needs to contribute to the family. Period.
He sounds like a really good kid and I don't think he will let you down once you get this laid down properly.
How big is the yard? 1/4 acre that takes 30 minutes, or a couple of acres that can take several hours? Is it a ride-on mower, self-propelled, or push?
School is almost out for most of the country, so if he really is busy, I'd cut him some slack. On the other hand, if he's too tired to help out but has a miraculous burst of energy to go out with friends at night, I'd bust him.
We ask our boys to cut the grass, but we are pretty flexible about when it gets done. Most of the time it's just too darn hot here to do it before sundown. We have over an acre, with a self-propelled mower due to hilly terrain, and even my DH is exhausted by the time he is done.
Your state requires a 16 year old to have a driver's license? Because in every state I've lived in it's been optional - meaning a privilege. If he needs a state ID - that's generally a different thing that doesn't require driving classes.
Privileges need to be earned. Only participating family members get more than the basics here. I wouldn't tolerate that type of attitude. Frankly, if my children dared to speak to me that way, there would be appropriate consequences.
First, I'd let the other parents know that I was 'too tired' to participate in carpool. Then, I'd be 'too tired' all the time, and so would use the driving class money to hire someone to mow the yard.
Too many parents spend too much time trying to be their kid's friends... and then can't understand why their children act entitled. They weren't raised in a cabbage patch folks - children are the product of their raising.
So another question. Sunday is rolling around tomorrow. IF he doesn't cut the grass before his class starts at 1:00 ~ should I go ahead and do it?
I mean, I wish it could wait until he has the time - but it can't. The neighbors around here get unhappy if your yard doesn't look squeaky clean.
So, I will do it if have to ~ to keep the peace with my neighbors ~ but then what are his repercussions for not doing it?
I have to drive to practice because I'm in the carpool. BUT, I guess he could miss one night. OR I could NOT find the time to drive to the swim store for that new suit for his meet. That will really get him down because he has a meet coming up this week-end.
I'm really struggling with this and it's ridiculous. Sigh. He used to be such an easy child . . . . now I'm swimming in strange water because I've not really encountered a whole lot of resistance. Good student; good grades; dedicated athlete . . . now this bone of contention between us all the time. Hate it!
Other people have other approaches - you could try sitting with him and explaining it to him first - but if that doesn't work, I would tell him if you have to mow the grass plus do everything else you must do you won't have time to drive him around and he'll have to find his own way to get where he wants to go.
I'm not above the tit-for-tat when it comes to the older years because usually they want my money and they know they have to do something in return for it.
At that age, some kids will start to test you - and they won't all care for good reasoning. Sometimes you have to make it clear however you can the unfairness of them thinking you must continue doing for them but they don't owe anything in return. You can't let them just do nothing while you do everything for them.
I think its fair to allow some negotiation on the time he will mow the lawn. Kids change at around 15-16 or so, sweet kids can become not-so-sweet. I think it's nature's way of preparing both the parent and the child for the future when the child will leave home. You begin to picture that possibility.
AND he swims on Saturday from 7:15 to 10:15 am. "Too tired" after that.
What's he do on Saturdays from 10:15 on? Is he volunteering at a soup kitchen? Advising the National Security Council? President Obama have him on speed dial?
Or is he messing around with his friends?
I'd remind him that everyone has a job to do. Including him. If he can't get off his duff and do that tell him you're too tired to be his chauffeur. Then loose your keys.
(He can't be the boss and rule the roost unless you give him permission to. Think about that.)
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