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Mommy24...I live one city over from you. I am white and my husband is black so our kids are mixed.
I had him read your initial post and I have to say he laughed at it while shaking his head. He took it as a good natured ribbing between two teen boys and not offensive. We both felt that as long as it was just something silly they did and things don't escalate or take a very negative turn, then it's not really anything to worry about.
Personally I wouldn't have any trouble catching the gift giving guy for a brief moment next time you see him and say that you were glad your son had a good time with it, but could he please think about things like that before he does them next time. I'd say that I didn't want him to push it too far and upset your son. All said in a caring manner without judgement.
Our kids are 13 and 8 and honestly neither one of them would have a clue that it came from a stereotype at all. They both would have thought, huh? Ok then. We just don't play into them as anything important and let that history stay back there.
An afterthought.....my husband and I both tend to have a wicked sense of humor with each other and sometimes with friends. If your son also uses a sense of humor with them, perhaps he says things like....once you go black you won't go back....you sure are pasty.....you can't dance....you can't shoot the ball....and so on to his white friends. We all say things like that in jest and with respect without often realizing they also fit racial stereotypes. All of them could be saying things that could be taken offensively.
Sigh!!! For my son's birthday (Black teenager), he was given a watermelon, a container of Kool-Aid and $20.00 by a friend - White. Of course his friends thought this was hilarious and my son thought so as well.
As his parent, I'm trying to put things in perspective. I know that he and his friends joke about race and I'm glad that they have that open dialogue with one another. I think, however, that these kinds of gifts are offensive. I don't wish for them to perpetuate stereotypes that my family and I have worked hard to dispel.
I'm not sure how to handle this one.
Should I talk to his parents? He couldn't have gone to the grocery store and picked these items up himself as he doesn't drive-----so are they in on the "joke" as well?
Should I have my son return the "gifts"? (He doesn't want to and thinks that I'm making a big deal out of a simple joke)
Should I just leave it alone? I'm afraid that if I let this go that another friend may think it's ok to do this and something more offensive may occur.
Help me out friends - what would you do?
As a White person, would you allow your children to give their Black friend a Watermelon and Kool-Aid as a gift?
I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this.
Thank you in advance.
Unreal. LEAVE IT ALONE! Do you realize the damage YOU would do if you made him return the gifts??? Ridiculous!
Kids --- teens/young 20s --- are comfortable kidding each other over racial stereotypes and that's a great thing. I'm sure, for his friend's b'day, your son will come up with some other type of gag gift. If the kid is white maybe a made up "gift certificate" for dance lessons or something similar that is a white stereotype.
Leave your son and his friends alone and stop being so sensitive about a joke! Sheesh!
I agree that you should leave it alone and forget about it. It seems pretty clear that the boys who gave the gift didn't mean it offensively and your son didn't take it offensively so it isn't in any way offensive. By bringing it up, you'd just be causing racial tensions where there are none. Let society progress.
A couple of my white friends and I call each other cracker occasionally, and it would be no different if one of my non-white friends did it. I'd take it as a joke if I was pretty sure it was meant as a joke. If someone gave me a box of saltines, a model General Lee, and said, "Happy birthday, cracker," I'd laugh about it, maybe even **** myself.
Do you know what kind of names your son has called this child? If they're close and laughing about it like you said, I bet that your son has called him some joking names, which is why the gifts are acceptable to him. His mind was probably trying to think of something to get his friend back, for his friend's birthday!
My best friend is Mexican, 100%. She calls herself my tan friend, since I can't dance I'm the white one with no rhythm, I tell her my lawn is long.......we joke back and forth. So does my husband's friend who is also Mexican. We can make light of, I guess something that was so negative back in the day (I'm not young.). I'm not saying you should like it, I do think you should make sure your son is actually ok with it and not pretending to be (then that would be a problem), but whether fortunately or not, this is how some people can talk to each other. I would NEVER talk to a person of Hispanic descent like I talk to my best friend!!!!!!!! And a person of Hispanic descent would hopefully never talk to me unless we have the kind of bond that my best friend and I have.
Whether or not people disagree with the way we banter, the simple fact is that we choose to do it, we find it funny, and it's harmless.
Sigh!!! For my son's birthday (Black teenager), he was given a watermelon, a container of Kool-Aid and $20.00 by a friend - White. Of course his friends thought this was hilarious and my son thought so as well.
As his parent, I'm trying to put things in perspective. I know that he and his friends joke about race and I'm glad that they have that open dialogue with one another. I think, however, that these kinds of gifts are offensive. I don't wish for them to perpetuate stereotypes that my family and I have worked hard to dispel.
I'm not sure how to handle this one.
Should I talk to his parents? He couldn't have gone to the grocery store and picked these items up himself as he doesn't drive-----so are they in on the "joke" as well?
Should I have my son return the "gifts"? (He doesn't want to and thinks that I'm making a big deal out of a simple joke)
Should I just leave it alone? I'm afraid that if I let this go that another friend may think it's ok to do this and something more offensive may occur.
Help me out friends - what would you do?
As a White person, would you allow your children to give their Black friend a Watermelon and Kool-Aid as a gift?
I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this.
Thank you in advance.
You say you want to hear thoughts and opinions, but I don't think you will like what you are going to hear.
You are the one that is making the joke offensive, and causing problems that don't need to be there.
if you go to the kids parents or make you son return it, you will be causing problems that will effect your sons friendships. your sons friends will start to shy away from him because they will feel like a barrier was put up in between them all. you will also cause your son to resent you.
As long as we continue to put up emotional walls, we will never be able to move past the barriers between different races. If we can joke and laugh about stereotypes then those stereotypes no longer have any power.
Things are only hurtful if you allow them to be.
I had thought about what I would do if one of my sons were given a watermelon and some kool-aid as a gag gift from some of their white friends. Well, I would tell my sons they should have said to their friends "wait, you forgot the pound of sugar to make the one pitcher of Kool-aid!" or maybe something like "wait, no fried chicken?"
Sounds to me like you are trying to put a chip on your son's shoulder.
That will not serve him well in this life.
Exactly. Make him think everyone is out to get him because he's black. Make him believe every comment or gesture is an insult to him because of his color. Definitely not good parenting.
I think the OP needs to butt out of this matter and leave her son and his friends to themselves. Her interference will do nothing but make her son lose a close friend.
People's reactions to all things racial are largely determined by life experience and the community they live in. To minimize or flat out insult the OP's feeling's about this is rude and uncalled for.
She has stated many times she is not going to interfere.
Gags, jokes, and joshing about race are all well and good until they are not. The problem is it's very subjective when it goes too far, and I'm sorry, but unless you are of the persuasion that is a regular recipient of slurs or generalizations, you have no right to minimize how it makes others feel.
I don't wish for them to perpetuate stereotypes that my family and I have worked hard to dispel.
I honestly don't understand the food sterotypes. It's not like I've been living under a rock. I'm aware jokes are made about Black people liking watermelon and chicken, but I have absolutely no clue what deeper meanings are behind the jokes---aside from Blacks were historically very poor and these were affordable foods incorporated into their diets that many Blacks of all income levels still enjoy today.
Somewhere in this thread you were glad someone didn't understand the meaning of the joke and assumed it was because he/she was young. Well, I'm in my mid-40s and I don't get it. That probably has to do with the fact that my parents were not racist. They were well educated and rather liberal for their times. We were taught about racism----that it was wrong. They impressed upon us that people should be treated equally. That's it. We weren't taught stereotypes. Growing up in a 99% white suburb, we were very sheltered.
So admittedly, I just don't get it when you say that you worked hard to dispel stereotypes and you don't like watermellon, kool-aid is too sugary, and you don't eat fried chicken. I get that overall you're saying that you prefer healthier eating habits. But I just don't understand the need to push away food stereotypes for the sake of dispelling stereotypes. I'm thinking of Jews and Koshur food. They're not ashamed of their food stereotypes.
I admit that I have no idea whatsoever about the origins of this stereotype. But I do think that many people have hit the nail on the head when they say your views are more generational. Making a big deal about a stereotype when the younger generation has no clue what it means does perpetuate stereotypes.
As members of older generations, we need to embrace that our younger generation is mostly clueless. That's a good thing! They are blazing the trail towards everyone sitting together at the table of brotherhood someday. And I see members of the older generation, from both sides perhaps, slowing that down.
Case in point: My son attended a family birthday party in the city with a black friend he made in college. The house was filled with approximately 75 black people. My son was the only white. Everyone was friendly until some older lady walked into the living room and asked loudly, "Who is this white kid? What's he doing here?" All of the younger people started telling her to leave him alone, he's okay. I felt terrible for my son to have to endure being singled out so negatively like that. I don't know anyone in the predominately white suburbs of my region who would have done that to a black guest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy24kids
As a White person, would you allow your children to give their Black friend a Watermelon and Kool-Aid as a gift?
No. I would not allow my children to give those gifts to any race. Why? They are cheap gifts. Children don't give food as gifts. And I would be horrified if the gift were for a black friend because I know it's a stereotype of some type, although I don't know anything about the stereotype.
I've run into the same problems as you have with my children and race. I'm often shocked at what the younger diverse generation says to one another. I tell my children and their white friends in private "you shouldn't say that" to your black friends. They look at me like I have three heads.
Since older generations grew up in self segregated neighborhoods, this type of talk and jokes never even happened. Never. Not in my childhood. Maybe we older adults can't understand the culture diversity brings. Our younger generation is forging a new path, one never traveled. And they seem to be doing a good job of it, even though the things they say make older adults on both sides uncomfortable.
This is a long way of saying that I think it's best to not interject yourself into this. You've talked with your son. That's where it should stop. Talking to his friends and his friend's parents will perpetuate racial stereotypes. The parents are likely walking on egg shells, doing their best to allow these friendships to develop when they have no idea what the rules are. Because there are no clear rules!
I truly feel that the rules are best left for the younger generation to figure out. Very few of the older generation has any experience whatsoever with true diversity. And the younger generation is making great strides. If anything, I see the older generation interferring.
You feel the parents need to understand your cultural issues. But you also don't understand the challenges whites have. They're probably doing their best to navigate through this. Saying something will likely make them feel like throwing in the towel and giving up on diversity.
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